Showing posts with label Anime. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Anime. Show all posts

Friday, 17 December 2010

Hype: Anime Winter 2011

Haha, I see what I did wrong folks. I jumped ahead a bit too far, as were still in the winter season.

Well it should hopefully be- OH GOD! It looks aweful!



Rio-Rainbow Gate

I.... Urgg..... It's an anime based on- I shit you not- a slot machine.

I dont even.... What the hell am I even supposed to say about that?


Starry Sky

Really?

Basically it's about a girl joining an all boys school. Because that's never been done.

Like 20 times already.

I know I rag on sometimes about anime being the same.... but it's things like this that really dont help.


Wolverine

Well you already know about this one.

It's unlikely that it'll be the target of my next Lets Watch, as I'd rather not stick to one franchise. It's funny to beat up on marvel but I got other fish to fry.


IS: Infinite Stratos

Seems to be about powerful exo-suits, that could be interesting-

Wait for it.

Seems only women can pilot them? Ok.... A bit weird but whatever-

Wait for it.

Women dominate the earth.... Well if there the only ones that can use the suits then-

Wait for it.

Oh, there's one guy who can pilot one of these suits so I guess-

Wait for it.

Ok, so he gets drafted and put in an all girls school to learn about piloting the exosuits-

Bam! It's a harem anime! Man that is one of the most round about ways of making a harem anime. Although it's a pretty crowded genre (Why is this a crowded genre?!) so you have to do some pretty nutty things to stand out.

Oh and if you don't know what a harem anime is.... I ENVY YOU! God.... I would love to go back to those days... Those days when things made sense and weren't really awkward.


Beezlebub

This is interesting, not the show it self but what I thought of the manga.

It's a comedy one and for the most part it does that pretty well. But a funny thing happened, at one point it removed it's main premise (I imagine for character development?) but it became painfully clear that the whole story relied completely on this main premise. Without it it was terrible and generic.... and unfortunately the writer seems to be a big fan of pushing this terrible story angle to the front, even though it's been done before and way better.

I'd say a miss unless your a really dedicated anime viewer.


Freezing

Oh my good god, another harem anime.... These are.... these are cancer.


Cardfight!! Vanguard



An anime made by the guys who did Yugioh and Duel monsters?

Ok, someone made a deal with satan, and I thank you good sir.


*Censored*

Ok, I'm not even putting a picture of this one.... cause... If someone found my blog because of this anime? I'm not sure i could live with myself.

Basically it's about a sister wanting to have sex with her brother.... really badly.... i just.... Why do you throw these at me japan? I am not catching that.



Supernatural


I.... I dont even.... What?

Man, my sister is going to have a f***ing fit when she finds out about this.

Haiyoru! Nyaruani
Ok, it's about a demon girl just kind... hanging around I guess? That's not too unusual... wait.... there's a bit more of the title? Let me just wipe that a bit-










Haiyoru! Nyaruani: Remember My Mr. Lovecraft

She is an old one.



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Tuesday, 14 December 2010

Woops!

Hahaha.

So how many anime in that last post were fake?

If you said 1, then you are incorrect... All lies! Hahaha! That's what I bring for you this Christmas, lies and heartache.

Honestly I could probably get away with saying I trolled you rather then saying I got trolled. I could totally spin that rather then just a random jab O RLY? was in fact me trying to tell you that none of these anime were real.... But that's not the case (However I feel that would have been really clever).

Basically I wrote this seasons hype thing at 1 in the morning, so I was not exactly at the peak of my observational skills. But in the morning while I was having my shower it slowly dawned on me that something was weird about that anime list.

What you need to understand is that these fake lists pop up every season, wither it's people trying to troll or just trying to work themselves up to a dream. Frankly your bound to fall for one of them eventually, as their largely well made.

The depressing thing however is that I only thought half of the things on the list could have been any good. I dread to think what the actual list is gonna look like now....

Hahaha.... Ahh... Trolling.

Monday, 13 December 2010

Hype: Anime Spring 2011 (Fake)

Merry Christmas!

Have I got a gift for you! More anime! Isn't it everything you ever wanted?

No?

Well tough shit, anime's what you get.


Muvluv Alternative

No idea what this is. Apparently a sequel? The robots look cool, so.... No I'm too lazy....

The circle is not yet complete... It'll be a long time before I suddenly watch a shit loud of anime (As there does appear to be a few gems I missed.... mostly cause my current short attention span has no time for them).


Ghost in the Shell 3
Look if you actually know anything about anime you know what this is.

I only watched the movies myself, always meant to give the series a try.... but lazy... (It's my theme)


Tengen Toppa Gurran Lagann: The Spiral King


F*** YES!


Sailor Moon



Wow, really? A remake? Of Sailor Moon? You know, I never imagined that.... but it does make sense as it is a popular series...

I might watch one episode, just to see how they handle it... For those of you who don't know Sailor Moon was one of those gateway anime, like Dragonball Z it told kids that overseas things were more awesome and interesting. It also had a gay guy.... and as a kid when you find out, you laugh... because the way they covered it up is the funniest shit ever.

But you'll still look at it and be like "....Nah.... No way that's a dude"


O RLY?

It's about an owl called Daventi as he explores the world seeking his long last grandpa. What starts as a journey of discovery and adventure quickly turns into a race against time as Daventi learns of the power of the jewels of Cantro.

He is constantly surprised.

(Shut up, you would totally watch this)


The Left Hand of Darkness



I...wha-Huh? Oh this looks mental.

Yep, this is definitely the kind of anime you want to what whilst your tripping balls.

You heard it here first.

Final Fantasy VI



Wow, there actually making an anime of a FF game? Rather then something random (Do not say something about bad about FF:Ultimate, if you didn't like it it's because your dead inside).

I actually did play a fair amount of this one, so I've got a good idea how the story plays out. I'll probably give it a miss for that reason, but I think fans will be very happy with the choice (Because the 7 fans need to shut the hell up)


Code Geass: Lelouch of the High School Rebellion


Really? Out of the Code Geass series you thought everyone missed the high school part? Really? That's the part everyone couldn't live without? Not the fun and interesting plots? We missed the high school hijinks's?

Ok, give me your writers pen. Your not allowed it anymore. I revoke your right to write.

------


Actually a pretty good turn out considering the past.

Could use a few more giant robots mind....

Monday, 1 November 2010

Marvel Anime

Hahaha.

Ok we need to talk about this Marvel. What your doing is stupid. What your doing is also just a declaration of something I talked about for a while… the loss of western animation over eastern animation (When you’re not just copying the style but actually having eastern studios do your shows for you… la sigh), but were not here to talk about that…. No were hear to talk about why your being stupid by trusting the Japanese with these shows.

Now you might not know, but when the Iron Man anime came out quite a few people were pretty pissed, or just disappointed (I’m in the latter). See what happened was they released an amazing test trailer for it, it was right up there with some great animations… and then the show started… and all the robot models were… 3d….

This is a problem I’ve had with the Japanese for a while now. I remember when they started first doing it (yes that’s how long I’ve been watching anime) where they’d replace certain things with 3d. Slowly however it became more frequent and now major pieces were turned 3d, most notably the giant robots.

This is horrible.

3d mixed with 2d has never looked good. I know why they do it… its much cheaper and less labour intensive to use 3d modelling, but it looks like someone shat on a whiteboard. I have stopped watching shows because they use 3d for all of their fights…. Because it just looks so bad.

The big problem with 3d of course is that it’s very rigid, where the main strength of any animation is its fluidity. So when you replace scenes that would have looked awesome and flowing with 3d it just looks… it looks like a kid smacking two action figures together.

Now the point I’m getting to Marvel is this is how the Japanese will treat your shows. Do you know why Iron Man is 3d? Because the studio making it put all their best people on a different project. I’m not saying the Japanese did that cause there racists… it’s just they might be racist.

Marvel you need to understand some things… despite what you might think 3d has always looked terrible, and those cartoons you had made recently all look like balls. The Japanese are not going to put their best effort into your shows…. Which means they will not pierce their market. You need to look no further than the Xbox to see how well your brand will perform in japan Marvel… Despite my fan boying the xbox is not a bad console… but the Japanese will always buy the Japanese product. The only reason the IPhone did so well in Japan is because there wasn’t a Japanese equivalent of it (I’m not making that up).

So while your attempts to attract a new foreign market is likely to crash and burn I did want to say one thing Marvel…

Love the shows. They are so retarded and cliché they remind me of the good old days. I can’t wait for the X-men anime and the Blade anime…. Man… Just thinking about how stupid they’ll be is making me all giddy inside.

Monday, 4 October 2010

Anime Storytelling

Ok, I feel like I must talk about this.

For once Japan I'll let you off a bit, put you aside for something I loath even more...

Anime Fans.


GRRRRRR.


I really must stop reading anime forums, they really frustrate me. Basically in these places certain shows are held quite high, but... I hate these shows. These shows can go burn in hell for all I care. I honestly can not understand the attraction of some of these things. But what gets me the most, what really grinds my gears is the massive amount of hypocrisy floating about.

I won't name name's but one Anime blogger complained that they didn't understand what was going on in the anime SRW. At first I was like "Ok yeah, fair. SRW is more of a nostalgia anime made for the fans and not for you, so you can complain that you don't know whats going on I guess..." but then the same blogger will love this other anime because it doesn't make any god damn sense.

...What?

Now before you think, oh grumpy old james probably just doesn't 'get it' but I assure you I do. I've watched this kind of stuff before... It's made on purpose to not make any sense at the start (And perhaps throughout the whole thing).

Then I saw people who didn't understand what was going on in Iron Man.... It's f***ing Iron man, this isn't detailed stuff!

The catch phrase of anime fans seem to be 'the Pace was off' as if they understood what the f*** pace was. I honestly can't tell what these people are thinking... or what their watching... To me everything was fine, expect in Star Driver (I.E the one that makes no sense) where the pace really is all over the f***ing place. Let me break it down for you, from memory this is what we learned from the first episode of these three animes:

Iron Man-
  • There is a guy called Tony Stark
  • He is Iron Man
  • He has come to Japan to make free energy
  • He wants to retire and makes a new Iron Man suit for some trainee pilots.
  • Something goes wrong with the new suit, it goes crazy and starts killing people.
  • Tony Takes it the f*** down.
  • A weird robot attacks him and declares his evil group. Tony doesn't give a f*** and kills him.
  • The new suit is stolen during the fight.
What did you miss there? These are some very basic plot points that are very easy to understand. None of it goes too fast not to hear or understand, all it does is create the setting and adds the bad guys... Boom bang you've got your plot. Anything else is just characterising Tony.

I'm not trying to call you stupid.... I'm just saying... You might be stupid if you somehow missed all that.

SRW
  • There is a bad Robot killing people
  • Bad Robot is beaten by good robot, foreshadowing future events perhaps? (yes)
  • The setting is then explained very clearly.
  • You meet the main characters fighting in a war that has been explained to you.
  • New robots appear, friends or enemy's?
As much as I like SRW the basic plot is pretty straight forward, by the end of it only really has one good idea behind it all. But where the show excels is the cool looking robots, there using the old fashioned kind of 80's design (But I really like those), the characters, and the action... lots of action.

I honestly could not tell you what part of all this doesn't make sense... I mean... are you complaining that we don't know some of these characters? These characters we are meeting for the first f***ing time? Did you not catch the bit where the setting was clearly explained? I mean really? Help me out here? My brain isn't stupid so I'm having trouble comprehending your thought patterns.

Star Driver
  • WTF?

Haha, ok that's actually not true... I'll go over why it makes no sense in a bit.

  • There are... characters?
  • The main character is insane and has some kind of father issue.
  • There is a school on an... island?
  • The school is secretly a base for giant... puppet... mechs?
  • There are bad guys who don't like shrine maidens. By... hitting them they break their seals?
  • The main character turns into David Bowie.
  • The day is saved... for now!
Here, right here is when you could have said the pacing was waaaayyy off. This shit is on LSD. All the sudden scene changes are kind of jarring.... the worst one is when we go from the school, and with only a single line we are suddenly in an underground fetish cultist base. That was really sudden, and you could get lost there and then.

Star Driver is the kind of anime that only anime fans can watch... Anyone else would be "Wtf is this shit?" unless your already deranged. Now I did watch Utena and no, that did not make any coherent sense at all... I'm pretty sure when you watched it, you were having a fever dream... I'm positive that when you switch that show on all your seeing is flashing images that makes your brain wig the hell out.

So I am familiar with the antics of the guys behind Star Driver.

Now with Star Driver we'll no doubt be hitting on some serious metaphysical aspects, these are the writers bed and butter. At one point or another it'll click for viewers what this all probably means.... So this anime is symbolic of something....

Now... Hang on... I remember saying something about symbolism.... what was it... Oh yeah! I don't get it! I look at things like Utena and Star Driver and try to make sense of it, give it natural laws and so on... but it doesn't work for these things so they really don't make any god damn sense to me.

Also these guys are quite happy with exploring sexual themes... So... Yeah.... It could get real gay real fast. Just giving you the heads up, Haha.

Anyway, back to the point. I dislike Anime fans because for the 'hardcore' everything needs to be tripped out on fricken sex or LSD before they'll even look at it. When a story is set in a fantastic setting and makes actual sense they shrug their shoulders.

I mean really? Get off the drugs guys.

Saturday, 2 October 2010

Anime: Iron Man

Well it's finally out, so I thought I'd say a few things about it cause I think it's actually an interesting study.


Now the whole thing is clearly based on the new Iron Man films, but this only applies to the aesthetics. Anyone who's only watched the Iron Man films, or has never seen anime in general might be a bit put off the way Tony Stack has been played.

Of course the problem is the films showed is the best tony stark ever, Robert Downy Jr is bursting with personality and he doesn't just act like Tony Stark... He becomes him. Now the way Tony acts in the films is as a exaggerated American celebrity, he causes controversy where he ever he goes... but damn he is so cool you don't care.

Now in the anime Tony is very different from this... I don't know what Japanese people consider rude and so on, but I had a feeling that this how they'd expect an eccentric billionaire to act. Tony is a rather polite gentlemanly individual... but he's also really rude.

The single best line comes after this: *Context, Tony is in the car with a female reporter, uh oh!*

Reporter: I honestly don't know what to ask you...
Tony: Well how about this! I'll show you a secret of mine that not many people know....
Reporter: What? What secret?
Tony: Like... How I kiss...

Tony starts going for the kiss, but then pulls the handbrake and ditch's her, I half expected him to go "Aaaaiiieee!".

The reason I think this is interesting is because usually the flirtatious character is a secondary character, he's the one that complicates the relationship of the show. But Tony is that character, so for that reason alone I think it'll be quite fun to watch.

So yeah, there was a fight to, against a 'zodiac' warrior... and I'm all for that, villains naming themselves after stuff like that is always fun. I'd say a good series... Nothing too heavy, nothing too light... just something that's fun to watch.

God, how long has it been since I've watched an anime like this?

Sunday, 5 September 2010

Hype: Anime Fall 2010

Ok, I will say one nice thing about this season.

I have seen much worse.


Iron Man
I've been lied to more than once by this thing, but it's finally coming out. It's actually being written by a competent writer (Can not remember who), so it should actually largely make sense and be good.

Lets hope it doesn't make too much sense lol.



Star Driver



Well.... Urmm.... The robots are weird looking?

Honestly if you read it's description it sounds like they were taking some crack when they came up with this. So it might be good.

However I'm getting a vibe from it. There was another giant robot anime I wanted to watch in the past, but it made no sense and I didn't like the main character... I'm sort of getting those vibes again. Hopefully it'll do something to keep me interested.


Togaihu No Chi

Gah, I hate it when people do this. Basically it's set after world war 3, and japan has spilt in two with one 'nation' being founded by a criminal organisation. Sounds interesting doesn't it? But then it goes on-

Our boy in white here gets convicted of a crime and in order to win his freedom he must play some sort of game and defeat it's king.

What is this? Why do this? For starters why give us an interesting setting your clearly not going to use much? It's that game plot you see, I have no idea why but Japan seems to think that criminals have nothing better to do then to set up ridiculous and convoluted games... Who has the time for this shit when your trying to run a drug empire?

Basically my fear is that it will all be about this game, exploring it's rules and blah blah blah, and never really getting into detail about the setting.

Also here's a dare, write the title in google images. I'm serious do it.

Ok everyone who did quickly go to the bottom of the post for a second, everyone else just carry on reading.


Super Robot Taisen The Inspector

Not sure if you'll remember me talking about the game of this, but that game was awesome so I'm defiantly giving this a look.

This is defiantly the giant robot anime of this year.

-----

Well what do you know, this has been pretty good-

F*** you Japan.


-----

Ok, so you looked it up right? What was your favorite image? The one where there looking longingly into each others eyes, or the one where there clearly giving each other tongue?

If you say one thing about Japan, say its pretty open to any sexuality (indoors).

Saturday, 21 August 2010

Lets Talk About: Heroman

Well, to be honest I really want to do another lets watch series. The problem is there's literally nothing worth watching at the moment, not even to make fun of it. Oh sure you say, there's plenty of anime from the past you could do... but come on... I've pretty much watched all of them and I really dislike rewatching things. So it's got to be new.

For a long time now I've been waiting for Heroman to get back into it's stride so I can make fun of it again. I mean, I only did like what? 13? 12 episodes? This is apparently a 26 episode series and we've already hit 21....

I have no idea what they were thinking when they made all these other episodes.

It's kinda funny actually, you'll be told to watch all kinds of series because even though their opening is weak... it gets better later. There's of examples of this, and people willing to trudge through are usually rewarded for their efforts. Heroman's strange in that it does the complete opposite of this... The start is the best, and the rest is just awful.

To get a better understanding of what's going on, listen to this-

As you should know most hero story's start out small, getting used to their powers and slowly ramping up the enemies. This is the start bit that's awful, because there's literally nothing interesting you can do with it... Because your the power rangers at this point.

After this the main main villain is usually introduced, and we start having an actual story that spans lots of episodes.

Heroman has done the complete opposite of this. We've already had the main villain appear, so now were going through this character building phase... and it's just... What? Really? If you were gonna do this you really needed to do it at the start or not at all.... I'm serious, forgo the whole character development... because your not good at it and nobodies interested... just... keep rolling out ridiculous and never explained plots like the giant pinballs (Yes, even though they were kinda important, we have not heard a single thing about them for some time).

I feel like this anime could have easily tried to go the Gurran Lagann route, by just ramping the awesome up more and more with each episode (Or in Heromans case the retardation). But the instant the bad guy... from space (This is important) is defeated... were suddenly contending with very.... earthly problems... That's called a downgrade, you can't do that, it doesn't work.

Honest to god I was expecting something ridiculous like Kogorr's brother coming to earth and vowing retarded vengeance upon his killer (Which is funny, cause Kogorr killed himself). Then there's nothing else about space... It's like putting a single cherry on your pudding... it's a pudding! Not a salad! Go all the way!

Oh sure there building up to something... but... why? Why build up? Why not just take the plunge? Were here to have fun? Not to wonder how the aliens retarded technolgy works.

See if I had my way, what would have happened next is Kogorr's brother would have appeared, had a good old brawl... And then a cyborg Kogorr appears! Who calls himself Mecha Supreme Kogorr!

I mean come on... That was easy and instantly awesome... This isn't hard!


-------

There might be a silver lining, Iron Man the anime will be coming out soon... and you'll be damn sure I'll follow that.

Oh, I hope it's retarded.

Monday, 28 June 2010

Hype: Anime Summer 2010

Oh boy, it's that time of year again, where everyone decides to not watch anime because it's terrible.

Some of you might be wondering why I've stopped doing heroman and I'm following the terrible Tokko now, the reason is because heroman is very boring right now. Basically Joey's on the run from the government, because governments are always paranoid and hate the idea of fun super powers. I read in some forums of people actually enjoying this arc in the story.... I'm sorry, but they are incorrect.

When you have the government join into your super power storyline it is always the worst part, cause it takes away that fantasy... there's always this tremendous temptation to make your series a bit more real and 'gritty' when you start playing with the government story. This is a terrible idea, because your a show about fun.... people watch you so they don't have to think about hard decisions in the government. It happened with Heroes, and that's when it became shit.

Frankly I liked Kogorr's idea of government. He never told anyone what to do, he'd just crush your home for no reason at all.

-------

Highschool of the Dead

Potentially good, since I've read the manga. But when you get down to it, some bits are fairly ridiculous, and some bits.... Look, I found out the artist also does pron (You would not believe how hard it was to get a *safe* image) sooo..... yeah you can kinda see it in his non-porn work.


Seikimatsu Occult Gakuin

At some point in your life you have to ask yourself, am I a weirdo?

If you watch this anime, you have already answered that question.



Nurarihyon no Mago
Read the manga of this too actually. Id say this is the safe bet. It's pretty generic, nothing new, but it won't do you wrong.

It's about a demon boy who doesn't like demons! Wacky I know.



Asobi Ni Iku Yo
The story centers around Kio Kakazu , a high school freshman living in Okinawa. During a memorial service for one of his family ancestors. A mysterious girl with cat ears appears before him introducing herself as Eris and claiming that she is an alien. However She be more troubling than he first realizes.

I Hate you Japan. I Hate you so much. It's not even funny.




The Legend of the Legendary Heroes

Are.... what? Are you serious? That's a mis-translation right?

No... Nope... That's.... That's the actual title....

...... I Hate you Japan.



God, maybe China was right to ban all foreign influences.

Friday, 11 June 2010

Anime: Saint Seiya

I have to apologies to Saint Seiya and any of it's fans. I was wrong, and I am very sorry.

Those of you familiar with anime may have heard of this one, but it was only recently that I actually watched any of it. The reason is simple, whenever you see anything about it you see pictures like this:I mean come on, that looks ridiculous.

So for a long time I convinced myself that Saint Seiya was like say.... power rangers or something, generally kind of tame and not interesting.

Holy shit, how wrong was I.

The anime starts like most others, with a booming voice telling us whats what, explaining that the world is guarded by powerful saints who fight for justice. How do you become a saint? Well that's easy, all you got to do is survive a brutal existence and kill pretty much everyone you come across.

Our main character is in a tournament to see who will become the Pegasus saint, and he wins by cutting his opponents ear off with his hand.... and then he breaks the atoms in his bones with his fists... I mean.... Holy shit.

Another one become a saint because he kills Bears. That's just what he did all day, he'd go out in the forest looking for wood, lift up bears and strangle them to death, and then get some lunch. That was just his normal day.

Then you get the dragon saint, who kicked a waterfall up. Not just a bit of the water mind you, the whole f***ing thing went into reverse because he kicked it so hard.

So once the the saints get together, what do they do? Train for upcoming evil? Hang out? Work on team work? Nope, they attempt to brutally murder each other in a no rules tournament. And damn this anime hates hearts, if your in this anime there is a high chance that someone is going to try and punch the f*** out of it. Every episode there is regularly blood everywhere.

Now look at this guy:
Now you'd think he would be the wimp of the team. Let me tell you.... Out of all of them, this is guy I wouldn't want to fight. He is made out of crazy. I shit you not, he is off the wall mad and has no problem with murdering your ass. He was fighting one guy and was like "I'll take pity on you" and then proceeds to freeze the guy almost completely, basically saying he could have just frozen him forever.... but since he's so full of mercy he can just die instead.

Now it's not completely insane, the pink member is a total wuss, but this anime is brutal. If you use a move that leaves your heart open for just a second, some f***er is gonna put his fist through your heart....

I love it

Thursday, 20 May 2010

Crazy Crazy Crazy

I need more things to make fun of....

No, actually there's plenty of stuff to make fun of... what I need is the motivation to do it. God how lazy am I?

Steam

Now I wasn't too sure of steam at first, like most of the pc crowed I'm sort allergic to installing anything foreign onto my computer. But as steam went into its Christmas sale I became a follower solely because I am a cheap bastard.

But today I saw something weird. Steam was actually selling strategy guides...

HAHAHAHHAHAHA




HAHAHAHAHAHAHA



.... What?

Are you serious? This seems like something that will be solely marketed at stupid people. I mean I can understand why someone would buy a strategy guide from a shop.... I mean it's a physical book that tells you how to complete a game cause your too much of a puss- Ahaha.... No... No I've never understood why you would buy a strategy guide. Not that I'm saying I've never needed help with a game, or was just too lazy to work some things out.... But that's what the Internet is for.... free things.

I can only imagine what was going through the heads of the people behind these digital strategy guides.

"So..... Money right? We could use some?"
"Why don't we try the Internet? There's lots of money on there right?
"Dar durp durp"

This might have been a good idea say.... 20 years ago... But seriously? Wow, that takes some series ignorance to think that'll come away with any kind of profit.

Anime

Also today I went on a little quest to find the worst anime ever shown. Turns out it's not easy because you have to have a pretty strict requirements, for example if there aimed at children then you can't fault them too much for being silly.

I got to thinking about this after reading about a certain anime which is regarded by anime fans (Remember these people are capable of watching some of the most bizarre crap ever) as the worst thing ever. Of course I watched it to see if it’s true.

I think it’s a little unfair to say it’s the worst anime ever. Don’t get me wrong however, it is terrible. More than once I laughed out loud and just said to myself “what the f***?”. But the reason I’m not quick to declare it the worst anime ever is because it is simply a 1 episode OVA. For those of you who don’t know OVA’s are like little projects of anime, the longest ranging to like 6 episodes. So immediately you know this piece of trash has a low budget with no aspirations of achieving anything.

To give you an idea the OVA is called Mars of Destruction, it is only 20 mins long but it attempts to go through an introduction, two action scenes, basic character development all leading up to a big plot twist. The story is basically the bed rock for a couple of anime’s actually, just stripped of everything that could be good, and there’s a dark humour in there.... basically saying that alot of anime is not far away from being just this.

I think the worst anime ever basically has to cause you to die violently.


Anime (Again)

Me and my friends have now watched 160 episodes of Yugioh and while we have gained a profound tolerance to brain rot, I think cracks are beginning to show. I would not be surprised if one of us died at the end of this ordeal.


Games

Been trying to record myself playing through some games. So far my only successful attempt has been the first clock tower game, although I have yet to add all the videos to the Internet. One of the reasons I'm falling behind with that is because of lazyness, but there's actually two other legitimate problems.

One is the fact that I'm using fraps and that takes up a f*** ton of space on my little laptop, so I can only have so many videos at a time. The other reason is that there are simply too many games in this world. See I've found that when I'm spoilt for chose I tend to snap and not do anything, more then once I've bought a pile of games and only actually played one of them. If it's a new game I usually finish it, which is odd.... cause on the one hand I miss certain games from the past.... but on the other it's easy to notice how far we've come and just how... easy it is now to just sit back and have fun without alot of the hassle.

It's not that I don't like or can't play any old games.... it's just sometimes I'm really not bothered to deal with it's poor controls or terrible graphics. As much as I hate to admit it, I have trouble playing old games that have bad graphics... Its just... I can't go back to those days.

Anime (Yes Again)

I'm considering doing another let's watch series. Mostly because I do enjoy doing them and there not really that hard to set up. I mean anyone can do it (If you have a good sense of humor like me). Of course the only drawback of doing this is the fact I won't be able to cover any other airing series.... cause they all suck.

It's just a much better experience if I'm actually enjoying the series I'm gonna make fun of.

TV

Do you watch Dr.Who? Of course I watch it, don't be absurd. It's a great and fun series. But whenever I'm watching it there's this little nagging voice at the back of my head.

Where is the villain?

This isn't a new problem for Dr.Who, the whole show is basically one big monster of the week. But with this new series I keep thinking like there really should be some sort of big bad guy... Someone who slaps the Doctor around every once and awhile. Cause the trouble is this new Doctor seriously doesn't have anyone to contend with.

The daleks are as terrifying as always, but there pretty much the big monster of the series.... there not really suited for going toe to toe against the Doctor at his own game.

The master has always been a good candidate for this role, but I doubt we'll be seeing him again anytime soon. His story's still to fresh you see, need put it away and let it simmer.

The current problem with the Doctor is that he appears to be his own villain, which is a bit too overdramtic. The focus of the series lately seems to be about the Doctors roguish and frankly selfish nature catching up with him. And don't say he's not cause he totally is, its one of the reasons we like him. It's interesting cause the doctor seems to be totally addicted to facing dangerous problems, which he wasn't always... Back in the day when he was older he loved a good challenge but took a calm pace about it (sometimes), these days he's pinging off the walls for adventure (Which makes sense, cause he physically grows younger, so why not mentally as well?).

What a Doctor needs is a problem he can't solve.... because someone is stopping him.... I really feel like that's the only thing missing from the show at the moment.

Friday, 2 April 2010

Report: After 142 Episodes of Yugioh

142.

In alot of contexts 142 could be an impressive number. Perhaps you read 142 books? Maybe you wrote 142 reports? Found 142 new spices? Saved 142 lives?

Me and my friends have watched 142 episodes of Yugioh.

Ok, clearly I need to put this into context, so that you understand the gravity of this matter.

First, Yugioh is a children's cartoon from japan. It is about a card game. Now the important thing to note reader is since this is a children's show it has be exciting and shiny in order to draw in the attention of the wee kiddies. So as you can imagine many of the cards come to life, and magic is involved.

Now while I was in Malaysia I actually got a hold of the entire series of yugioh, which is over 200 episodes long. This is a double edged sword. On the one hand I everything there is super cheap and I bought the whole thing for like £10-20.... But there is another price a normal tourist would not be aware of. Anime from Malaysia usually comes in it's original language, so the entire series is in Japanese, but so far this is a good thing... cause it's not been edited (the English version of yugioh was edited very heavily, like the guns were taken out... and the insanity). Luckily it comes with subtitles... But reader... English is not a Malaysians first language... if they know it at all in some cases.... This is important to note for later.

Ok, so I need you to try and picture this scene in your mind. There are two people standing apart from each other just like a scene from the wild west, but instead of guns they have these big metal/plastic things on their arms. These things on their arm holds their deck, and one of the contenders draws a card and places it onto one of the five slots attached to the thing. Now a holographic image of a monster appears.

It is pretty scary, but don't worry... no one is in any real danger.

His opponent also draws and begins putting cards down, and the game begins proper. One of the player gets attacked by one of the monsters and falls down from the blow even though it's a hologram. The sound Tch is heard often.

Now the players are encircled by a dark cloud of vile power, and it soon becomes clear that the players very souls re on the line. The monsters are no longer holograms and are now very real. All seems lost, but then a light shines... a light called friendship... and good wins over evil.

You got it pictured right? Now imagine them explaining the rules of this game in a language you don't know. Alright, now imagine you have a translator with you. The bad guy says something at one of the women in the group of friends and you look to your translator. He smiles back at you and says "He's saying they have to burn her cause she's pregnant".

Ok, your worried now.... I can understand this, but stay where you are! You can get through this!

For awhile you just stand there, trying to make sense of the situation before you. To your horror and relief you release that the translator meant to say possessed... and merely confused the two words... because in a way... they are vaguely similar in meaning.

Now reader.... I want you to imagine this scene going on for 28 hours, and you will have barely scratched the surface of suffering I have put myself and my friends through. Malaysia does this funny thing when it subtitles something.... they get it wrong.... but in a hilarious and brain damaging way.

A couple of days ago me and my friends watched a film that was terrible. I can't really describe to you you how terrible this film was.... But let me try and sum it up... There was at least 1 hour of the same chase/murder scene repeating over and over, and at least 10 to 20 mins of song. I did that to my friends, just imagine what I do to people I don't like? Anyway, the point is... my friends who had not watched Yugioh were appalled and sicked, and swore (Again) eternal hatred for me... while my friend who had watched Yugioh with me found it rather amusing.

What I'm trying to get at here is that these subtitles have made me and my friends immune to psychological torture. Barny song 24 hours a day? Ha! I'll sing along. Waking me before I sleep? Ha! I can never sleep again.

Don't believe me? Here's a little preview.... and this isn't even the worst example, the subtitler actually changes every now and again and this was one of the better ones:

The best example so far is whenever the Blue eyes white dragon appears. Now you can see its blue... they even say its name in English, yet all the subtitlers are entirely convinced that it's Green eyes white dragon.... and 142 episodes of the contrary have not deterred them from this.

That's kinda easy to deal with, but when they start using words that don't even fit it begins to kill your mind. Its not just that the subtitles themselves are totally insane, it's also because the series is as well. It's well F***ed up and one of my friends favorite games now is to say "This is a kids show!" whenever something really disturbing happens.

I have in my possession 72 hours of this. Me and my friends have to psychically take this in dosages. So far we've raised our tolerance to about 3 hours, any more and our sanity begins to crack.

I bring this up because this not something you'll find on the Internet, no these days you actually have to be good at subtitling to get anywhere on the web. This my readers is a sealed treasure, cursed by ancient monks and condemned by the Pope... and only the truly devote may look upon it. I feel one day I will do a charity event... I shall gatherer volunteers and people will give us money to watch this non-stop for a number of hours... depending on the donations.

Your probably wondering, that doesn't sound to bad for me... after all I bought and watched it willingly.... Well the friends who have watched it also did so willingly... I have other friends who have walked out of the room because it was on. Imagine what it would be like to force someone to watch this against their will and better judgement.... in the name of charity....

Now that, I would most certainly pay to see.

Tuesday, 9 March 2010

Hype: Anime Spring 2010

Oh boy.... You know, I've largely stopped watching anime all together. I watched a few anime movies but they don't really count... and it's not because I'm sick of it, I never get tired of a good story... it's just it's all been terrible... so let see what the hell's in store for us....

Heroman
Well, that's kinda weird. If I saw the picture by it's self I'd call this just a spoof anime... But I'm not actually sure. Most likely it'll be full of cheese and unintentional hilarity.

So that's actually pretty old school.



Hakuouki Shinsengumi Kitan


Ok, so, he looks like a pimp. It's about some girl looking for her dad when she sees some guy turn into a demon thing... and I guess it might be her dad's fault or something? Could be interesting I guess.

Rainbow
Lets see.... This one is about... seven dudes that get locked up and tortured and then how they live their lives after there released...

Huh. That... That actually sounds interesting.

Iron Man

I guess this could be good.


Ichiban ushiro no daimaou

This is about as generic as you can get... I mean its about a strong male lead, with a demon, robot girl and all the other-

Wait... What was that last one?



IRON MAN?!

Holy shit this looks good! It's coming out now? F***.... I mean it looks beautiful, and we already know Japan knows how to do robots so the action should be great.... If it's got a good story that'll be a bonus.

Oh f*** I hope they include the Mandarin, that would be awesome.



-----------

W-what the hell the Japan? When did you... start releasing good things again? You didn't read my letter did you? You didn't actually do it did you? That's not possible...

Is it?

-----------

B Gata


"Yamada is a virgin high school student who dreams of having 100 casual sex partners. However, she ends up targeting and pursuing only one boy."

It's nice to know your still insane Japan...

I guess.....

Tuesday, 24 November 2009

Hype: Anime Winter 2009

Oh thank god. After the absolutely poor fall season, perhaps this time there will actually be something for me to look forward to?

.....

Oh Christ.


Dance in the Vampire Bund



I thought I made it clear I don't like vampires? Why do you keep doing this to me?

While were at it... Japan... You have a problem... You need to face it if your ever going to get better. If it looks like a little girl, your a pedo. You cannot use the argument "But shes a monster/angel/thing that only looks like a little girl".

Your not fooling anyone.

But seriously don't watch this, it will totally get you thrown in jail)



Sora No Woto

Oh I can totally imagine the thought process behind this one.

"Hey guys, why don't we make an anime about underage people joining the army during a time of war? It could be a good look at the social implications of that, and the shattering of young naivety in the cold world of-"

"Dudes! Have you seen Kon! Everyone loves it! We must copy it! Our anime will be about five underage girls forming a band during war time! They'll rock their way to peace!"

Really? I mean... Really?



Katanagatari
This one actually looks kinda interesting, mainly because it's the only one on the entire list that is using a different art style. It's a short series about our Samurai looking for 12 legendary swords... to add to his collection? I don't know.

But wait! Before you get excited at the prospect of something good, each episode will come out once a month.

Once a month.

Once a fricken month.

Each episode better be like an hour long, otherwise... who the hell do you think you are? Thinking you can get away with that in this day and age.



Seikon no Quasar

Well he looks kinda cool I guess- Wait... What?

In St. Mikhailov Academy, Oribe Mafuyu meets a silver haired boy called Alexander. He is a Qwaser, a being who can manipulate iron and draws his power from breast milk.

from breast milk.

from breast milk.

I.... You.... Wha.... THE F***?



Harukanaru Toki ni Naka de 3 Look, I'm sorry I have to be the one to break this to you, but you will never out do fushigi yuugi or twelve kingdoms.

Just accept it, and write different stories, ok?


---------


Do I even need to mention anything at this point? Answer: Yes.

Anime, what the hell? What is wrong with you? Whatever happened to... you know.... making good things? I release that your genres of girls... and... 'fanservice' are well liked in Japan, and I did watch a few of these back in the day.

It was cute then Japan, something non-serious people could dip into once in awhile. Then it became kinda awkward when you started doing more, we all smiled and nodded thinking you were just going through a 'phase'. But then it didn't stop, and you just made more and more... until now... it's the only thing you do.

What the hell happened to my mainly men? You know, those guys who would sooner karate kick your face off then talk about their 'feelings'. Or your deep stories like Towards the Terra, did it suddenly become too expensive to use good ideas?

And I never thought I'd ask myself this, but where are the giant robot's Japan? You used to be cool.

Sunday, 22 November 2009

The Trouble with Manga: Part 1

Ah god damn it.

Why do I do this to myself?

Well reader if you go looking into the comic world of manga... It’s a bit like a roller coaster. At first you have the tension and excitement of slowly going up, building up to the stories crescendo, until finally you’re dropping down at break neck speeds screaming all the way. That was fun wasn’t it? Want to do another one? OK then!

Repeat a million times.

I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with roller coasters, but let me just say there’s a reason most people only go to them on special occasions and not all the time. It is because regardless of how much fun it is, too much of it will ruin the whole experience. Now I made the comparison for a few reasons, but here’s the main one:

Most manga’s are exactly the same. They all have these exact slow bits, leading up to the big dive. If I had the time I could probably prove this with mathematics. It all stems from the problem of tried and true methods of storytelling, which most media’s suffer from. In manga’s case you have the Japanese clichés and cultural jokes, there almost always in there (Nothing wrong with that of course, I mean.... It is made by Japanese people?) but there’s this story tool they use over and over again, and it’s just frustrating.

I’ll give you two examples, now I am actually reading these as there kinda good.... but every now and again I do wonder if I should carry on.

Psyren


Blue hair, really? And that white hair, too much bleach is bad for ya.


Let’s see, how to sum this up... well here’s the synopsis anyway:

The story follows Yoshina Ageha, a high school student for hire who will solve any one of your problems for a fee of 10,000 yen. On his way home one day a payphone suddenly rings, when he answers it all he can hear is his own voice. His life is changed from this point on through a series of events as he’s drawn into a mysterious new world.

First of all our main character is introduced with his ‘part-time’ job, and I guess this is supposed to characterise him? After like the first chapter this is never mentioned again, so it makes me wonder why it’s even in the synopsis. The story is about him and a bunch of other people being taken to this strange world, and they set off trying to unravel its mysterious and get home. For those of you who do read manga, it has a very Gantz feel about it.

It’s a good story tool, because thanks to this you can place characters with very different backgrounds and motivations into a pot and see what happens. So then it’s just a matter of deciding if the story is about the characters or deeper meanings and mysteries.

Psyren is about psychic powers.

I know what you’re thinking “What? Where did that come from?” and believe me, it’s well random. The story starts off interesting like gantz but then... descends into a story about becoming powerful psychics with dragonball z like powers. You’re left wondering “Why the hell did they take this angle? It’s completely off the premise of the start of the story isn’t it?” (And we’ll get to that answer later).

*Spoilers*




Ok, so it’s actually about the future and how the world as we know it is gonna end in death and monsters. For awhile it’s still interesting because the char’s come to the conclusion that they were brought here to find out what happened in the past and stop it (At this point the whole idea of meeting new and different people is thrown away, as now we have a cast set in stone... so now none of them die.... ever).

Eventually they actually track down the one bringing them to the future and... Honestly? I wish they hadn’t. Not only does it destroy almost all of the mystery in this manga, a serious mistake to do before the end (At the point it’s revealed it’s only like 2/3 in the series, I think), but the answer is a total bitch slap to the readers face.

Ageha: If you didn’t bring us here to change the past, then why did?
Nemesis Q: ..... For shit’s and giggles.

I wish I was joking, but that’s basically what she says. Its total bullshit, and a dick move by the writer.

Then you’ve got the bad guy who is a super psychic raised in a military lab yadda yadda, you know it. He wants to destroy mankind and so on. Characters like this have always frustrated me, even when they’re done well, because it gives the writer some sort of license to demean the value of life. You know that character in the background, just minding his own business and doing some shopping? Then boom! Laser cannon through the head, just because he stepped into the background of the main characters. This always annoys me because there’s no after for these characters, no value placed on them whatsoever, there like pop corn. This always angers me cause the writer seems to be playing favourites at this point, so even if the good guy’s cause a bunch of people to die in the background there never given any flak for that. And honestly, it looks more ridiculous then anything... Oh no! The villain just killed 30 faceless people! What a monster! See if you humanized those people first then the audience would get a better feeling of the gravity of what he just did.

Another thing that pissed me off was the addition of a small girl with god-like powers that is probably the cause of all this mess, and the fact that she’s ‘too young’ to tell right from wrong. This frustrates me as a person cause I always just want to sit these little buggers down and put them straight. I don’t care if they can make my head explode, you got to show some tough love to these little shits. While I would say there’s nothing stopping you put a character in like this... it does strike me as a bit lazy. You don’t need it to be the focus of the story because other people have already done a great job at that... so otherwise if you put them in... it’s just a villain, expect you don’t have to work on any back story or motivation.

*Spoiler end*



Defence Devil

Try finding a bigger picture of this, I rather like the art.


Ok, so let’s say you got kicked out of hell for being a bit of a pussy and you lose all of your powers, what are you gonna do? Well since demon’s are powered by people’s sins you can just abuse a loop-hole where you prove some people were framed into going to hell... and... take their pretend sin power?

I know, it doesn’t make sense of paper, but that’s basically what this is about. Thanks to a good mix of great art, comedy and action scenes though it works.

The story then hits off with our devil going through different clients, learning about them and there problems, and generally seeing how nice our little devil is. We also get a few chapters about this Nun thinking our devil is evil, thus she pulls out guns and shit.... cause according to Japan nun’s are all young women prone to violence. It’s a fun little side step off the story, but were quickly back to the way things were...

.... Or not. Turns out she’s a main plot character... and there’s been a revolution in hell so our devil needs to get back home. So they team up to kick some ass!

Wait, what? When was the last time you had a client? Wasn’t there like a whole plot about there being a conspiracy to frame humans for sins? Was that only done by the five dude’s you beat? What?

Another thing while it has a hell and Christianity, at first it’s still very fantasised, but later on your hit in the face with very big Christian message... and while I guess that’s alright, it puts me off somewhat... As I like to keep my religious beliefs and my fictions separate.

------------



So reader, what did you notice?





Everyone who said “Massive change in overall plot” you get a gold star (Remember to keep track of how many you’ve got). There’s a very simple reason why this happens, there’s the plot the writer wants to tell, and then there’s the plot the writer has to tell. The first parts of each of these stories are tried and true methods, which translate to: Use a basic story already used before, but mix it up with one or two gimmicks. The gimmick’s are necessary in order to separate themselves from other works in the populated world of manga, it’s almost impossible to get noticed without them.

The basic idea is to hook your audience with an interesting premise, then when there already dedicated change the premise when no one’s looking. Very few people notice this, and even if they do they might already be caught in the stories traps... you have to find out what happens because you’ve put too much time into it (I.e. Me and Psyren). Why do this? Simply because the story they want to tell is usually very bland, full of the most generic fluff ever. Once you’ve got the ball rolling and a small fan base you can easily get away with being generic, I see it all the time, even in anime.

Anyone know Bleach? I thought that used to be about a High school kid fighting monsters in his spare time, in order to protect the souls of people in his town. We go through this whole monster of the week thing, but then suddenly shifts... and now it’s about conspiracies and rescuing friends, because there too ‘honourable’ to put up a fight themselves? There’s a whole bloody season without a single monster. Then it shifts back... But then they just retell the same god damn story over again, expect now you get only monsters and the good guys are exempt for most of the season.

What? Surely there’s a smoother way to tell that story? Plus your whole setting makes no god damn sense. I dare anyone to argue that point with me. Where do souls go when they die in soul society? How can you grow up in a place for dead people? Why is there a rich and poor divide in the afterlife, surely one of the nice powerful good characters would try to fix that? (Hint: they don’t) and finally, why was hell mentioned like once? Don’t you think that setting would be interesting to explore? Instead of just ignoring it?

So then, you must be asking yourself, James... If all manga is like this, why do you keep reading it?

I’ll tell you, I read it for things like Liar Game and Break Blade. Next post I’ll tell you everything good that can come out of manga.