Saturday, 24 October 2009

Happy Endings

Saw something interesting that got me thinking reader.

It was some TV show talking about a film, didn’t seem like one of those normal late night shows with goofy presenters, but rather one of those up tight ‘arty’ discussion of film. For the record I kinda loath ‘arty’ people, because alot of them are too wrapped up in their own ideals and are too eager to share/force their opinions on others... Look man, not my fault you think it’s about the ageless struggle of man when in fact it’s clearly about a man wrestling a bear.

They were talking about a film with an apocalyptic setting where a father and son must edge out a life in a lifeless world. One of the guys talking was every ‘arty guy’ stereotype I ever seen, he had the voice, the look, everything. They discussed how the depressing outlook and visual cues of the beginning seemed to lead onto to a tragedy of film, but actually their happy because the films saving grace is the story about the relationship of the father and son showing light in an otherwise dim world.

Wait, WTF? You... You wanted a happy ending?

Reader, I find it hard to deny the end of the world every passing day. First its visions of emissaries of darkness, infinity ward cancelling dedicated servers and now art critics like happy endings... Whatever happen to art critic depending... you know, more substance and deeper meanings? Since when was falling back into happy endings acceptable?

Get this right, they even say that in the world of the movie everything will die one day but are happy that the story of the two showed a little hope... You just said everything was going to die? How can there be any hope in a world like that? Unless they found some sharpened glass they can trip onto, that would seem kinda lucky.

I’m just angry reading because we live in a society obsessed with happy endings. I’m not saying I don’t like happy endings, it’s just every now and again a story needs to remind people that not everything’s going to work out. I feel we shouldn’t praise a film for being dark and then giving us a happy ending cause... well... I’ve basically described every film ever.

I mean, alot of my story’s have happy or at least ‘satisfactory endings’, but not always... But when I was much younger and my storeys were fantasies of myself in far off lands. In one I got the power of a robot suit and did battle with evil civilisations and corrupt governments. Things were looking up for the universe, right up until the point I was eating with some friends and a space sniper blew my brains out.

What you have to understand is the way I construct my fantasies and storeys. There is an element of what I want to happen, but once the story and the setting are elaborated just enough it takes flight away from me, at that point it’s not about what I want to happen but rather what would happen. I never say to myself “ok, then the pirate will switch sides and be my friend forever” I go “In this situation, what would the pirate do? Oh yeah, stab me... cause what the hell do I have to offer him?”. That’s exactly what happened here, none of the villains could take me in an even fight so they did the logical thing... get an assassin.

Not even my super suit could predict a bullet coming out of nowhere from god knows how far away, none of my friends had the ability to detect it either. So I lost my brain.

I was pretty sad when that happened, it can be kinda jarring imaging your own brains spraying all over the place as your lifeless body hits the floor. But still, I didn’t shy away from it, stamp my feet and demand a redo... That is how that story ended and nothing can change that. I come up with a rather depressing story for myself every now and again, because how can I be happy if I don’t know what it’s like to be sad?

On a funnier note the thing that taught me that bad endings could be awesome was the Mortal Kombat TV show. That thing was awesome, I’d watch it all the time. Every day the goodies would step up to lay a heap of hurt on the bad guys, and it was the right kinda action to keep me interested. Then one day the bad guys final plan came into play....

He killed or laid the biggest smackdown on all the good guys, at the end of the day, evil was victorious.

“Hahaha, I am here to ruin your shit!”

It was amazing. I didn’t consider it a betrayal of the shows ideals or just cheap, I loved this ending. Showing that if you try hard enough, and truly believe in yourself and the power of teamwork you too can kill that annoying hero and send earth into a spiral of agony and slavery forever.

Dreams really can come true.

Wednesday, 21 October 2009

Marenile or Juvture?

Hasn’t been a post in awhile aye chaps? Mostly because I’m a bit busy and my routines a bit messed up at the moment, but hopefully I can carry on my regular posting.

Oh and Guin saga? I just watched the 25th episode, the one before the last, and man... Yeah it’s funny, just you wait, hehe.

Anyway, while we wait for all that lets have another discussion. Yet again I’ve created a sort of oxymoronic paradox for myself, expect this time it’s do with my taste for things. Let’s go with games as an example for now. Say you throw something like Bayonetta at me, it could be good fun but I doubt I’d be able to get over the silliness and immaturity of it, while at the same time I see something like Dragon age with blood and guts everywhere and I’m like “WOOT”. I find myself on the fence with exactly where my tastes are and how their developing.

You probably couldn’t tell from my blog posts but not so long ago I was that guy that watched every anime and loved it all. Oh sure there were things I wouldn’t watch still, but there was rather alot I would watch. But overtime my once open heart started to shrivel and decay into a small black stone that now fuels my ps3 (I call it the dark sun) and I found myself starting to get really annoyed with it all. So I went on a quest for more mature things, which turned out to be finding story’s about miscarriages and generally “adult” things (There’s some dark stuff out their yo), yet amongst these things I’ll watch something like the fairy odd parents. I can’t stand some juvenile things yet at the same time I just can’t labour through all the mature settings.

I blame my radical mood swings and my borderland split personality disorder (I still say we instead of I sometimes....) but I guess this is just another room in the boat of life.

Oh I know! Let’s talk about ridiculous plot elements. You know those times your reading something or watching something and you’re like “What? No way” I had one of those recently... Ok it’s in this manga right there are six of these bad guys with a fortress of doom, the fort walks and is gonna pretty much crush everything. Now the fights are actually pretty short, and while that’s normally good its just.... these bad guys were set up to be like the baddest motherf***ers ever and than lose kinda easily? Whatever happened to our hero’s being the underdogs? I know we all get angry when some hero’s are really weak and can’t just smackdown the villain right away, but that doesn’t happen because it would be boring. So then one of these guys (Not the leader) is hyped up as strongest, like he’s gonna ruin everyone’s shit... then he loses like almost instantly... and it’s like “huh that was a short plotline” BUT then this thing tells our hero’s “OH NOES! Without the 6 bad guys the leaders super mega evil spilt personality will awaken!” and it’s like... What? That’s silly! It’s like the writer has literally ran out of ideas at this point, saving himself up for the bigger plot hinted at all this time, but this just smacks of laziness...

You know you’re in trouble when you’re using plotlines from Yu-gi-oh.

Let’s see what else.... Oh yeah, since it’s all the rage these days and I’ve only made some passing remarks about it... Let’s talk about Vampires.

I suppose I fit into the group that says these days Vampires are shit, and blame everything on fan girls, but at the same time... Guys, you have to sort of admit... Vampires have been kinda lame for a long time now. Their just more lame now.

For the most part vampires in media today are for girls who yearn for an immortal love interest, but back in my day they were owned by the Emo’s and the Goths. Vampires were adored because they shared many traits and ideals with Emo’s and Goths, wither it be the dress sense, being an ‘outcast’, self loathing , and their general hang out spots... But also they all yearned for the power to kill off people, because everyone has that trip. You need to look no further then games like Vampire the Masquerade, a game built around acting like one these creatures of the night and it actully does a good job of tapping into the dark parts of mythology all the kids were crazy about.

Now it might be a bit of a stereotype but you’d usually expect the people playing this to be very serious about it, going on long midnight walks muttering about their pain and detachment from the world. Me and my friends played this game.... and it didn’t quite come out like that...

Suffice it to say my character was a vampire doctor that would pull out his guns and crazy vampire powers for no reason at all, could see fairies, generally did horrible things to people already injured and would shout “The doctor is in!” before killing everyone. I lost alot of humanity points, and it was awesome.

Anyway back on topic. I actually read an article about someone that studies vampires in media and it was fascinating, it explained fundamentally why people liked them and why they’re a good story tool. It even explained to me what the actual purpose of a show like True Blood was... and I was like “Wow, if the show was presented in an actual intelligent way I’d probably really like it”.

I don’t think I’ll ever watch Twilight and I’d say it’s not because it’s just bad but rather because I don’t agree with its messages at all... and when I see people flock to an idea I find revolting I suddenly realise what it’s like to be one of those crazy mums.

Because nothing says sexy like a 100 year old guy that never matured past puberty, stalks you every hour of the day and beats you only sometimes. Also undertones of necrophilia, ew?

The sooner people come to the completely correct and logical conclusion that vampires are not people the better. Or would you really like an appointment with the doctor?

Sunday, 11 October 2009

Lets Watch Guin Saga: Part 16

Istavan: Holy shit! Where did we get these rafts from?

Istavan: Ok, you guys chill here while I find me some Ho's- I mean a ship... yeah... ship.

Guin: .... You know what guys? I think I should spilt.
Rinda: What? Why?
Guin: Cause I'm way more popular then you guys, and I'll just attract all the attention.

Remus: Your right Guin, you should fall in a well and die.

*Rinda slaps Remus*

Rinda: How could you say that? After everything Guin has done for us! He's like our guardian angel, a blessing sent from the-

Guin: Christ Rinda! Fine I'll come! If you'll just shut up! Jeeze... Your such a clingy bitch.

Naris: Hey there... How's it going?
Amn: Fine...
Naris: You look nice, I'm gonna say alot of romantic stuff now...
Amn: Like all girls I'll pretend to not be listening but actually drinking in every detail from your beatful lips.... I mean... shut up!

Naris: Hey, want to see my tower?
Amn: What?
Naris: You know, my teleporter tower?
Amn: Oh right... You'd really show me that?
Naris: Sure! But you have to come alone.

Amn: Why does he say such nice things to me?
Servant: I'm sure its because he's fond of you, and clearly not because he's a total player that just knows what to say. Also I have a hamster for a brain.

*Meanwhile at the S&M club*

Bard: Wake up bitch!
Astreas: Ahherr.... Why does my ass hurt...?
Bard: Don't ask stupid questions! We've drugged you so now you'll answer our stupid questions!

*Astreas tells them where he last saw the twins*

Bard: So, what does this Guin fella look like?
Astreas: Like a Leopard...

Bard: ..... Dude, I think we drugged him a little too much....

Strange guy: This way....

Amn: Well, I feel totally safe here.

Naris: So glad you could- Ooohhh.... You kept your armour on... that's cold bitch.

Amn: Hmph! I don't have to take your slander- Holy shit! There's a guy coming out of the floor!

*The mage gives a message to Naris then disappears*

Amn: What the hell? If you had mages who could do that why didn't you use them.

Naris: Lets just say, Magics not exactly free.

Amn: Wow... this is amazing...

Naris: Why not take a closer look then! *Push*

Naris: Hahaha, I can't believe you fell for that, your such a stupid bitch.

Amn: Let me out of here!

Naris: Lets see... I could teleport you to an enemy nation? Oh! Why not the bottom of the ocean? Or into the sun? I hear that's good this time of year.

Amn: Don't do this!
Naris: Say your my Bitch.
Amn: W-what?
Naris: Say it.
Amn: Stop messing around! Let me out!
Naris: SAY IT!

Amn: *Crying* I'm your bitch....

Narist: See, that wasn't so hard.
Amn: I hate you! I'll never like you!

Naris: Hey... what are you?

Amn: I.... I'm.... I'm your....

Amn: Your bitch....

Istavan: Right, I got a boat... Oh yeah, I heard Naris was getting married, weren't you engaged to him Rinda?

Rinda: I... I'm sure it just a political marriage! Naris would never-

Remus: Face it sis, you got dumped. Bet its cause your fat.

Rinda: When did you start picking on me...?

Soldiers: Hey have you seen a leopard guy around here?

Correct Answer: What the hell have you been smoking? Of course not!

Istavan's Answer: Can't say I have.

Captain: Welcome to my ship- Hey! That boys a girl! Have you never heard any superstitions about the sea before!

Istavan: What? Don't be crazy... Shes just a very gay boy.

Captain: Grrr! Were leaving now!

Rinda: Wait! What about Guin?

Remus: Rinda....

Rinda: Remus....

Remus: I need you to shut up.

Rinda: When did you become so mean!

*Guin jumps down onto the boat*

Guin: I swear to god you guys, If I find out who's been stealing all my screen time, I am gonna kill them.

Thursday, 8 October 2009

Lets Watch Guin Saga: Part 15

*Whipping noises*

Mongol Captain: Haha! Now you will tell us how to use that teleporter you guys have! You clearly have one! We even used vague and unreliable information to work it out!

Naris: Whipping? Seriously you guys? Have you any idea of the kinda chicks I have dated? This is second date material.

White Knight: What the hell! Naris is not a prisoner! He's an honoured guest! Stop torturing him!

Mongol Captain: Ooohhh....

White Knight: Don't worry Prince Naris, we'll take you to a much nicer room.

Naris: Hey, why are we stopping? I didn't even say the safety word yet?

Astreas: Oh no... Amn is being taken away to get married... When she should be marrying me... I am sad...

Astreas: Wait, I have a cunning plan... I will go to Parros and stop the wedding! Brilliant!

Guy: I am so HOT.

Girl: OMG! You are so HOT!

Guy: Ha! I would totally do you and cheat on my wife, if you weren't already my wife.

Old guy: What the hell guys? Your supposed to be talking about invading Mongol so we can help out Parros!

Guy: Oh, is that what we were doing? I thought this scene was purely to show everyone how hot I am?

Girl: OMG! You are so HOT!

Meanwhile the characters we care about are off to a sea port to get to one of their allied nations.

Remus: *Sigh* Rinda has everyone looking out for her... She even has a pet monkey... Why don't I have anything?

Kar Mol: Yooouuuu guuuuyyyyssss

Remus: Holy crap! My intense emoing has given me super powers!

Remus: Whoa, that was an odd vision... Me and my sister seem like complete opposites... Shes like the Light... and if shes the Light then I am....

Once again Istavan insults the monkeys, unfortunately since the giants are now friends with the monkeys, they take a certain offence at his comments.

Istavan: Oh shit! No! I didn't mean it!

Naris: Ohh... It hurts to sit down... Ahhh... But I kinda like it...

White Knight: Hey there! We're gonna have a party... thought you might want to come!

Naris:... Are you gonna try and marry me to your princess?

White Knight: Wh... No, of course not! Wh-why would you think that?

Naris: Look, I'm like the smartest person in this anime, its not hard to work out.

White Knight: Urrr... Could you pretend you didn't know?

Naris: *Sigh* Fine.

Bard: Hey there! You look crazy and willing to throw your money away, want to hear a song from a distant land?

Astreas: Wait, have you ever been to Parros?

Bard: Of course!

Astreas: .... Hmmm... could you come to my room?

Bard: Urr... Ok.

Astreas: I'm sorry if this seems a bit awkward.

Bard: Not at all! I've done this before.

Astreas: Ok... so what do you know about Prince Naris?

Bard: Hmm... Lets see... I think I've got a picture of him here...

Astreas: Oh? Let me see.

*Poof, Astreas is knocked out*

Bard: Haha! I've told you I've done this before... By the way, you wouldn't know it but I'm actually Naris's half brother... Now I'll use you in one of our political plots... Right after I ruin that ass. Reverse date rape bitch.

*Later at the masquerade party*

Naris: *Phew, I'm really glad I didn't throw away my S&M suit*

Naris: Ok, so this is how its gonna go down, their going to try and hook me up with their princess and I need you as my cockblock.

Other Guy: Any time sir.

Amn: I can't believe I'm doing this... I should be out there-

Naris: Hey.

Amn: HOLY SHIT! He's gorgeous!

Amn: Ur.... Urrr... I gotta go... and... masturbate- I mean rest!.... I'm tired!

Naris:... Ok, change of plan, I can totally mess with this bitch.

Rinda: Hey... Remus? I haven't heard you complain for like the whole episode? Are you alright?

Remus:... I'm fine... Look, you guys... I'm just gonna go to bed.

Guin: Can you guys believe I've had like only six lines of dialogue in this episode?

That night Remus has a strange dream.

Remus: Its so odd... But I feel like I have a destiny... One separate from the entire plot of this show... Yes... If Rinda is the Light... Then I will be....

Remus: The Darkness! Hahaha! Destiny! Prepare to become my bitch!

(Holy shit you guys! What's gonna happen next time?!)