Now I've not had a good relationship with the prince of Persia games.... Oh there good games, nothing bad about that.... it's just.... As someone who picks apart story lines and notices architecture, the things put int just offended me in very possible way. Don't even ask me about it (Basically none of the traps make any sense in any context).
The newest one in the 'franchise' is detached from the others, and could very well be an another universe for all we know. First off I'd say it's a good game... but it does have problems. Luckily it removed alot of the stuff I couldn't handle in the past games, so I was able to play this without leaving in a huff. The game is very very easy in that you can't actually lose.... But that's not necessarily a bad thing, I'd say this game is perfect for anyone looking to get into games but don't want to have their nuts crushed the instant they have a go.
Another thing people disliked were the characters themselves, and I can't blame them really... It will depend on what your like (For example the main guy is a jerk face, but I am also a jerk face so we got along well). There is of course the undercurrent of romance.... But bad ubisoft, you are clearly terrible at writing romance... flirting does not equal love (This point becomes important because its why the ending is stupid). Interestingly what I thought was the best interaction between the characters is when you can 'choose' to catch the girl after you've jumped down form something.... It doesn't add anything to the game, but I thought the act looked sweet.
Now addressing the easiness of the game... It will be too easy for usual gamers, but I didn't mind so much as I knew what I was getting (Plus it didn't run so good on my pc, so the fact I couldn't die stopped me from rage quitting). The trouble of course with immortality is obstacles are no longer dangers, just time sinks.... As the game goes on it adds more and more, but all it does is slow you down... And there's alot of automatic moving and dangerous things that look like they can get you but never actually can.
If your just looking for a pretty platformer with little hassle, this will work just right.
*Spoilers*
Okay first one thing I liked that they should have done waaaaaayyyyy more. There's one boss that creates illusions and she kidnaps your girl and plunks down a bunch of copys, when you go near any of them they vanish. The idea is you have to make her do something only she would do.... which is funnily catch you as your falling to your death (I thought it was cool cause I was like.... Wait.... Time for a leap of faith). But that sort of interesting dynamic only happens once.... That is a wasted right there.
Ok so onto the ending. First of all if your gonna make a cinematic boss fight it is important you do nothing that can interrupt the flow of it. If I'm restarting because the game is doing something stupid I'll not be happy about it (Never, Never take the camera away form the player.... I'm just going to jump into walls and kill myself.... A fixed camera in a 3d platformer has never been a good idea, so dont do it).
At the end the dark god is resealed (It's a pretty generic storyline, nothing really special done with it) and all is well expect your girl is dead now.... sacrifice and all that. Now I was told the ending was stupid, but I wasn't quite prepared for how stupid it was. Basically the game forces you (Not in a cutscene, in the actual game) to release the dark god and bring her back to life. Now this is stupid because A. It voids the effort of the entire game B. She is not that likable.... She's nice but she knew what she was doing (and had already died once) and finally C. Your guy at no point does not strike me as the kind of guy that would do that.
I know it's sad that she didn't get the life she wanted (It's not really, poor writing and so on) but she'd already died.... Her time was up even before you met her. He'd clearly let go before (What with being a dashing rouge and so on) so there's no reason he couldn't do it again.
Worse thing is they released an epilogue as DLC, and I watched it (Not buying it, Ha) and it;s an even worse ending.... Not cool. Not cool.
Showing posts with label Review. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Review. Show all posts
Thursday, 23 December 2010
Saturday, 18 September 2010
Knights of the Old Republic
God damn you bioware you frustrate the hell out of me.
Now for those of you who don't know or have only heard of this series of games, it's all about Star Wars. Now I recently got the first game in this series and I've started to play it, but I actually played the second one first. This has caused a few.... problems for me. I've heard people say the first one is their favorite... and I really don't agree.
The problems start when you first enter the game. Your on a ship that's being attacked, so you need to escape, thats pretty normal for a game and easy to understand. Then the game decides that you, the player, needs to know more about the situation. No game I dont, the ship is under attack and is going to explode... you do not need to give me a very long history lesson within the exploding ship. A guy comes running up to you and is like "Hup hup! Here's the detailed history of the war, who we are, whats going on, whats my favorite colour, and where were going" it's alot of information that is simply totally out of place in that situation. If you want to tell your player this stuff in a game you either A) Explain it with a cinematic or B) Explain it in a place not exploding. They really destroy the immersion at the start there.
In the second one your unconscious and your ship is exploding, so you have you control a droid to fix the ship as best you can.... That's it. You learn about the setting and its history at a much more even pace later on. This is a much better opening, not only have we gotten over the tutorial but the player is now interested in learning about their character, why was the ship attacked? How did you get away? Who are you?
One of the main problems is the fact that after playing the second one you'll probably browse some forums and etc. When you do this I guarantee the plot twist of the first game will be spoiled in the first five minuets of reading, a recurring problem with the Internet. So now that we know what the plot twist is way ahead of when we should know, does that affect the enjoyment of the game? Yes it does. The plot twist is central to the story, its the big knot in the middle that explains everything. It's also done really badly.
I mean really, once you start playing and going through the story, the amount of hints they drop is ridiculous. I am terrible with plot twists, yet I could have probably guessed this one since your constantly beaten over the head with clues to it. Its like the opposite of what they did with Jade empire, I guessed the twist there solely because there were semi subtle hints.
This is the problem I'm having with the first game, it relies so much on surprising you with this 'clever' plot twist that the rest of the story falls to pieces the instant you know it.
The second one didn't really have a plot twist. It had a kind of... mystery, and throughout you were trying to solve it. Oh sure there was a plot twist (But no one could have possibly been surprised by it) but the story didn't rely on it, hell the plot twist was so unimportant you wouldn't have even noticed if it was taken out. So the story stands strong regardless of what you know of the plot.
Then there's your companions.... and god damn it. No Bioware, I do not care if that guy has trust issues, I do not care if the alien chick has abandonment issues, and god damn it that jedi can take her holier then thou attitude with her when I eject her into the sun. Bioware's much better at this sort of thing now, but the main crux of this issue is the fact that the first game pretty much forces you to talk to your companions.
You'll just be walking along and the game will go "Oh look, they seem worried, why don't you talk to them?" and you have to say yes, because this is an rpg and you bought it for the story damn it. This makes talking to them more of a road block then an actual conversation, something I have to get passed so I can carry on playing. It doesn't help that most of them are annoying as f*** either.
In the second game you tend to talk to your companions during down time when your resting in your ship. This means you get to talk to whoever you want, not who the game wants. It also helped that they weren't annoying as f***.
Finally the biggest problem I'm having is the fact that Bioware want you to play as a good guy. This is one thing I've always held against Bioware, they can not do evil dialog right. All the evil options make you come off as a massive prick, with child like outbursts, not some dread Sith of the universe. It either makes you sound like a retard, or a psychotic retard.
Bad language does not a villain make.
But you can tell the game wants you to play as a good guy, cause half the shit you do doesn't make sense unless you want to 'help' people. Then when you try to break out of that, more often then not the game will punish you for doing that. Every time this happens I get the impression the game is saying "I know I put that evil choice there, but you weren't supposed to take it!". I feel like Bioware really misses the point of being evil.
The second game on the other hand hits this nail on the head. You still sound like a complete psycho, but for Star Wars it begins to make sense why your such an asshole. Because it works motherf***er. I played as a good guy throughout on my first try, swinging my lightsaber, shooting the odd lightning (Cause if your gonna fight with the force, you need lightning). I was pretty strong, ruining the bad guys and saving the day.
Then I played as a bad guy. And holy shit.
Death walks with you when you are a villain.
Throughout the game there are all these chances to steal force power from things, wither it be locations or people (They die if you do this). As a good person you wouldn't do this, but an evil person is greedy and the dark side breeds a lust for power. So you take that shit whenever it is offered, and my god it makes you powerful. Before when I was a good guy I could cut my way through enemies at a fair pace... But as a bad guy the instant I entered a room everyone would be dead, I was that strong.
This is what I feel should be at the heart of any Star Wars rpg. The dark side is power, and from a gameplay point of view you need to give evil players more power to show this. But it should also end in tragedy, wither it be your own self destruction, or the destruction of everything you care about... Because at the end of the day that is all the Dark Side does, destroy.
Now if you don't know the second game was actually made by a similer but different company, Obsidian. Now they aren't perfect either, and they got some major issues of their own. But they don't frustrate me Bioware.
They don't frustrate me.
Now for those of you who don't know or have only heard of this series of games, it's all about Star Wars. Now I recently got the first game in this series and I've started to play it, but I actually played the second one first. This has caused a few.... problems for me. I've heard people say the first one is their favorite... and I really don't agree.
The problems start when you first enter the game. Your on a ship that's being attacked, so you need to escape, thats pretty normal for a game and easy to understand. Then the game decides that you, the player, needs to know more about the situation. No game I dont, the ship is under attack and is going to explode... you do not need to give me a very long history lesson within the exploding ship. A guy comes running up to you and is like "Hup hup! Here's the detailed history of the war, who we are, whats going on, whats my favorite colour, and where were going" it's alot of information that is simply totally out of place in that situation. If you want to tell your player this stuff in a game you either A) Explain it with a cinematic or B) Explain it in a place not exploding. They really destroy the immersion at the start there.
In the second one your unconscious and your ship is exploding, so you have you control a droid to fix the ship as best you can.... That's it. You learn about the setting and its history at a much more even pace later on. This is a much better opening, not only have we gotten over the tutorial but the player is now interested in learning about their character, why was the ship attacked? How did you get away? Who are you?
One of the main problems is the fact that after playing the second one you'll probably browse some forums and etc. When you do this I guarantee the plot twist of the first game will be spoiled in the first five minuets of reading, a recurring problem with the Internet. So now that we know what the plot twist is way ahead of when we should know, does that affect the enjoyment of the game? Yes it does. The plot twist is central to the story, its the big knot in the middle that explains everything. It's also done really badly.
I mean really, once you start playing and going through the story, the amount of hints they drop is ridiculous. I am terrible with plot twists, yet I could have probably guessed this one since your constantly beaten over the head with clues to it. Its like the opposite of what they did with Jade empire, I guessed the twist there solely because there were semi subtle hints.
This is the problem I'm having with the first game, it relies so much on surprising you with this 'clever' plot twist that the rest of the story falls to pieces the instant you know it.
The second one didn't really have a plot twist. It had a kind of... mystery, and throughout you were trying to solve it. Oh sure there was a plot twist (But no one could have possibly been surprised by it) but the story didn't rely on it, hell the plot twist was so unimportant you wouldn't have even noticed if it was taken out. So the story stands strong regardless of what you know of the plot.
Then there's your companions.... and god damn it. No Bioware, I do not care if that guy has trust issues, I do not care if the alien chick has abandonment issues, and god damn it that jedi can take her holier then thou attitude with her when I eject her into the sun. Bioware's much better at this sort of thing now, but the main crux of this issue is the fact that the first game pretty much forces you to talk to your companions.
You'll just be walking along and the game will go "Oh look, they seem worried, why don't you talk to them?" and you have to say yes, because this is an rpg and you bought it for the story damn it. This makes talking to them more of a road block then an actual conversation, something I have to get passed so I can carry on playing. It doesn't help that most of them are annoying as f*** either.
In the second game you tend to talk to your companions during down time when your resting in your ship. This means you get to talk to whoever you want, not who the game wants. It also helped that they weren't annoying as f***.
Finally the biggest problem I'm having is the fact that Bioware want you to play as a good guy. This is one thing I've always held against Bioware, they can not do evil dialog right. All the evil options make you come off as a massive prick, with child like outbursts, not some dread Sith of the universe. It either makes you sound like a retard, or a psychotic retard.
Bad language does not a villain make.
But you can tell the game wants you to play as a good guy, cause half the shit you do doesn't make sense unless you want to 'help' people. Then when you try to break out of that, more often then not the game will punish you for doing that. Every time this happens I get the impression the game is saying "I know I put that evil choice there, but you weren't supposed to take it!". I feel like Bioware really misses the point of being evil.
The second game on the other hand hits this nail on the head. You still sound like a complete psycho, but for Star Wars it begins to make sense why your such an asshole. Because it works motherf***er. I played as a good guy throughout on my first try, swinging my lightsaber, shooting the odd lightning (Cause if your gonna fight with the force, you need lightning). I was pretty strong, ruining the bad guys and saving the day.
Then I played as a bad guy. And holy shit.
Death walks with you when you are a villain.
Throughout the game there are all these chances to steal force power from things, wither it be locations or people (They die if you do this). As a good person you wouldn't do this, but an evil person is greedy and the dark side breeds a lust for power. So you take that shit whenever it is offered, and my god it makes you powerful. Before when I was a good guy I could cut my way through enemies at a fair pace... But as a bad guy the instant I entered a room everyone would be dead, I was that strong.
This is what I feel should be at the heart of any Star Wars rpg. The dark side is power, and from a gameplay point of view you need to give evil players more power to show this. But it should also end in tragedy, wither it be your own self destruction, or the destruction of everything you care about... Because at the end of the day that is all the Dark Side does, destroy.
Now if you don't know the second game was actually made by a similer but different company, Obsidian. Now they aren't perfect either, and they got some major issues of their own. But they don't frustrate me Bioware.
They don't frustrate me.
Friday, 23 July 2010
James Watchs Avatar
-Ok, so I got it for HD at least, but screw 3D. I don’t care if its great, I’m really not bothered to put up with that shit right now.
-Oh great, the menu is made out of leafs. This really is fern gully.
-Ok, taking the plunge.
-A very shiny 20 cen fox... thing... it’s very shiny.
-Wait wait wait, did he just say a hole blown through his life? I’m not sure that’s how wounds work. I think you do get crazy dreams however, so I’ll let that go.
-Omgosh! A water droplet! Yeah I really am this petty.
-We’re there sunshine? Why would you say that? Looking at that place there must be a 100 people, I seriously doubt he’s gonna talk to all of them. It’s that whole doctor sitcom thing all over again... Doctors don’t give a shit about you, you are a piece of meat. They do not pat you on
the back and tell you everything’s going to be fine.
-So his brother died because he got mugged. You could say a cruel twist of fate brought about by our still violent culture... But that’s bullshit, he got mugged because the writer hated him and loved his brother so much more. It’s Boromir all over again.
-Ship looks stupid. I’ve always hated that industrial style spaceship humans tend to get dumped with, it’s the most boring thing ever. If I was gonna sleep somewhere for 6 years I’d like it to be painted.
-Pandora. Hrmmm. I think this is a poorly thought out name. I see what your doing... drawing a comparison with the tale of Pandora’s box. But the one, two or three issues that the planet is going to bring up is kinda weak when compared with a box that literally held everything your terrified of. Just imagine a giant box full of terrorists... ok, now imagine they can all shoot venom out of their eyes. This is what Cameron is comparing his world to.
-Ok so the idea is that they need lug-head cause his gene’s are the same as his brother and stuff won’t work without the proper genes- Bwahaha.... What? Are you kidding me? You need a specific gene code to transfer your mind into a very very genetically different body? This is science fiction at its best, making up shit that’s ridiculous.
-Omgosh! There like oil refineries! It’s like... so relevant.
-Hahaha, you never lose the attitude? Dude, your in a wheel chair, not retired.
-Ok so... in the future America is still going to have its retarded health system? So our man can’t have his spine surgery? Surely this is the grimmest message of the movie?
Fighting for freedom? You have given us zero back-story, they could have been fighting for the puppy tyrants for all we know.
-Wtf? Being in a wheel chair is wrong? As in... what? It’s tragic? It shouldn’t be allowed? What the hell is anyone talking about! Your slang is stupid!
-HAHAHAHAHA, our introduction to the Navi’ is arrows in wheels? My first impression is there kinda pathetic protesters.
-Who ever f***ing thought it would be clever to put in the wizard of Oz line should die ironically... Like being eaten by umpa lumpas.
-I like how the bad guy is like “This is the worst place ever, hell is much better then here” and I think I agree with him.
-Wants to eat your eye’s for WHAT? Did he say Juju beans? Who talks like that? Where are you getting these words?
-“Your all going to die, and I will laugh when that happens”
-First rule of Pandora, do not talk about Pandora.
-Wait, they had avatar training? Surely Lug-head would need to do the same, I mean if he didn’t it- HAHAHAHA, like any of this makes sense.
-I’m sad the Indian guy did not have an Indian accent. A missed opportunity there.
-*Lug head looks at the avatar for a bit toooo long* “Hey... would it be weird if I had sex with my avatar?”
-The video logs are important, so that when everyone dies you can give vital background that no one really cares about.
-So they can speak Navi’ already? Why the hell do they need the avatars again?
-Oh golf, that means he’s evil.
-So you need the avatars so the Navi’ will warm up to you? So they don’t mind your wearing unborn abominations of their race? They’ll be totally cool with that?
-That rock has a stupid name.
-Brink of war? You mean brink of curb stomping right? Can anyone say aerial bombardment? From space?
-You could not pay me to get into the jellow pod.
-Wouldn’t displacing your brain and thoughts cause serious psychological damage?
-Haha, Lug-head walks like a drunk.
-They leave the doors unlocked? To the expensive Navi body chamber? WHAT.
-So like the pod is a wireless network? Hope your connections good. At leats there arint alot of trees to get in the-Oh Wait.
-Ok, that jaw movement is horrifying, like a Navi could totally fit your head in there.
Fist bump, because we cool.
-Wait, the gravity is lower on Pandora? That can cause serious bone problems
-I agree, the scar is bitching.
-It has like... the set things to make a political almost clever subplot, but I know they won’t use it.
-Alien Bird! His name shall be Jones Jamerson.
-Why are all the creatures a shade of blue?
-They really need avatar bodies to take field samples?
-I like how lug-head likes to touch everything, i hope it’s all poisoned.
-Really? A hammer head rhino? Bullet proof too? I smell bullshit.
-Wait, if everything’s bullet proof, why did they bring a gun?
-I dislike the slow motion... it kinda disturbs the animation.
-HAHAHAHAH, a gun didn’t work, so a spear will be much better!
-Wait... she doesn’t shoot him because the Jesus jellyfish floated by?
-“Yeah... Er... we lost an avatar” “Well that’s infinity money wasted, why did we let you go out there, when it had nothing to do with the avatars purpose anyway?”
-He has made a spear of goo.... WHAT
-There was like, a 99% chance that goo wouldn’t be flammable.
-Panther lizards! This film has something against furry creatures... probably because then everyone would know this is a ‘furry’ film. If you understand that.
-Only you can prevent forest fires.
-Seriously this film is all about the shades of blue.
-No touchy
-Why can she suddenly speak English?
-I like how she judges him, without actually telling him what he did wrong.
-Ok, so if she grows to love him... but calls him a baby alot... she a pedo?
-The whole ‘no hurting the wild life’ thing borders on the ridiculous. Especially when your surrounded by things that wish to eat you. If there were no predators I’d understand, but were in silly land at the moment.
-Again, blue horses. I seriously want to know what’s up with all the blue. Is there like a blue carrot that turns your pee blue?
-I am reminded of the song savages from Pocahontas
-Ok, so you respect all life, but it’s totally fine to keep skulls?
-Lug-head did not read his manual alot did he?
-And now another one knows English? WHAT.
-Clan jar-head, well at least there keeping his stupidly consistent.
-Oh so because he’s different then them that makes him insane? Seriously the writer needs to take the stick out of his ass.
-Ha, it’s like Navi’ high school, and he’s the only nerd.
-Three months... I hope there’s a montage.
-Ha, nerd boy is jealous of Lug-head, no super special awesome adventure for him.
-So basically Navi’ are giant parasites? What exactly do they offer the creatures they bond with? Good will?
-Hmm, ok they used a bit of the political plot, but it goes by smoothly so you wouldn’t notice it if you weren’t looking for it. Clever, but only in the way that the writer understands story structure. That’s something I guess.
-Oh floating islands... I’ve never seen that... expect in every anime ever.
-Ok they explained the political subplot bit, I was hoping they wouldn’t... you know... get people actually thinking about it... but never mind.
-Even some of the mushrooms are blue!
-The bird thing is... like... from alot of fantasy settings. I’m pretty sure there was a dinotopia episode about this exact same thing.
-If everyone thinks your a moron... there’s a chance your a moron.
-Happy times! Nothing could go wrong!
-Expect more f***ing blue!
-Ok, so it was wrong to kill the little killer things, but now its totally ok to kill harmless stuff? WHAT.
-There should be a drinking game, every time you see something new that’s blue, you take a drink.
-I’m pretty sure you auto win if you choke slam the bird.
-AND NOW WE ARE BEST FRIENDS FOREVER.
-HAHAHAHAHAHA, he is a terrible driver, I think i know how he lost his legs in the first place.
I have no idea where the chemistry is supposed to come from with these two. Do bumbling idiots turn her on? They’ve spent time with each other, but they seem to have a connection of friendship... unless something changes that the love scene will have been forced.
-F***ing lizard dragon! It’s red- F*** it’s still got blue bits on it.
-“All the Navi people know the story”.... ok? What story? Oh I’m sorry, I thought you were gonna discuss something interesting, GARRR!
-Beard!
-No Beard! It’s magic!
-Heh, I thought he was gonna hit him with that chair for a second.
-I am a man!
-I just noticed that the order of the Navi’s words is alot like Japnense, in that it’s the other way round from the subs... YES I CAN NOTICE THAT.
-SO MUCH BLUE!
-Prayer plants? That’s convenient.
-OK here we go, where is this love coming from? You’ve literally given us nothing other than the fact that they’ve spent time together. There’s literally like no other indicators. WHAT.
-“What the hell are you doing Jake?” Having furry sex, that’s what.
-HA! Take that trees!
-“Oh hey girl what’s- OH MY GOD!”
-Ha! Take that expensive equipment!
-Oh snap, they know Lug-head did it.
-Woo! War! Maybe everyone will die?
-Oh double snap! “You had sex with this thing?!”
-Demon! I’m with that guy... that or the Navi’ don’t know what narcolepsy is.
-Ouch, so Paganism isn’t real? Oh yeah, real open minded film this one.
-Usb hair! Hurrah!
-Wow, just wow.... Were not even trying for grey here are we?
-Yay! Simple time! Lets burn some shit!
-I like the really big military plane thing.
-I swear Lug-Head has forgotten half the time his legs don’t work with the way he enters the jellow pod.
-Aw, she’s sad now.
-The bad guy does have a certain style. He just need a better uniform.
-HAHAHAHAHA, ah arrows.... classic.
-The only way to deal with a Navi... is to burn it!
-Oh crazy knife!
-Oh no wait... sad crazy knife.
-“I didn’t sign up for this shit” Urrr, no I think you did, everyone’s been talking about doing this for awhile now.
-Ha! No more tree house for you, time to live in caves, like normal people.
-Also, it never seems to rain.
-Oh the horror!... Am I monster cause I seriously feel nothing for this scene?
-Oh fathers dead... everyone knew that would happen, fiction hates fathers.
-Now lug-head is sad, all it took is a massive tragedy.
-Well everything should be fine forever now, since the Navi’ have moved.
-Oh seriously? The food jail break trick? Surely there are measures to stop that by now?
-Why are none of these doors locked? This place has terrible security (This is a big issue cause you can see the massive locking devices on the door... that are never used).
-Ok the villain is a badass. Nice getting an off camera shot in.
-“Why would they help us?” “... because... we have a can do attitude?”
-Dragon power!
-“Oh so what? I’m suddenly your best friend now that I have the biggest dragon lizard? You people are seriously shallow”
-We shall use plant power! Because that makes sense!
-Woops, seems being eco-powered does not necessarily mean it is better, Ha!
-Rowdy time.
-I like how none of the Navi’ tribes have unique decorations, and are basically just copied from tribes we know of.
-Fight the terror!
-Shock and awe... were really just not trying here are we?
-Protect the... blue tree? AARRRHHHH!
-This film would be a nightmare if you were colour blind.
-Ok, is it just me... just hear me out... but am I the only person who wonders what a Navi’ would taste like?..... What?
-BIG BATTLE
-Really? We push the bombs out? WHAT.
-Ok, the arrows can suddenly go through the glass? WHAT.
-I thought they said they cant use the missiles?
-This fight is actually going surprisingly as expected, as in really badly
-See, Lug-head should have really contacted some kind of arms dealer, or otherwise tried to steal guns.
-And then the plot armour rhinos attacked.
-That’s alot of birds.
-See, Lug-head has a gun so he does really well
-Yet again, villain is kind of a badass.
-This is how you apply the knowledge of the Navi’ people Lug-head? How to fall through branches? Eh.
-Knife Fight!
-Still dislike the slow-mo.
-Where’d she get that bow? She did not bring it with her. Gonna need to re-watch that to check sometime
-He lives! Happy end... Expect for all those people who died.
Ok I didn’t hate it. But at times it was frustrating... and kinda bare bones. But as an action flick... yeah sure. Just... don’t look too deeply at the disturbing under and above tones. Also they never explained how they knew English... just.... WHAT.
-Oh great, the menu is made out of leafs. This really is fern gully.
-Ok, taking the plunge.
-A very shiny 20 cen fox... thing... it’s very shiny.
-Wait wait wait, did he just say a hole blown through his life? I’m not sure that’s how wounds work. I think you do get crazy dreams however, so I’ll let that go.
-Omgosh! A water droplet! Yeah I really am this petty.
-We’re there sunshine? Why would you say that? Looking at that place there must be a 100 people, I seriously doubt he’s gonna talk to all of them. It’s that whole doctor sitcom thing all over again... Doctors don’t give a shit about you, you are a piece of meat. They do not pat you on
the back and tell you everything’s going to be fine.
-So his brother died because he got mugged. You could say a cruel twist of fate brought about by our still violent culture... But that’s bullshit, he got mugged because the writer hated him and loved his brother so much more. It’s Boromir all over again.
-Ship looks stupid. I’ve always hated that industrial style spaceship humans tend to get dumped with, it’s the most boring thing ever. If I was gonna sleep somewhere for 6 years I’d like it to be painted.
-Pandora. Hrmmm. I think this is a poorly thought out name. I see what your doing... drawing a comparison with the tale of Pandora’s box. But the one, two or three issues that the planet is going to bring up is kinda weak when compared with a box that literally held everything your terrified of. Just imagine a giant box full of terrorists... ok, now imagine they can all shoot venom out of their eyes. This is what Cameron is comparing his world to.
-Ok so the idea is that they need lug-head cause his gene’s are the same as his brother and stuff won’t work without the proper genes- Bwahaha.... What? Are you kidding me? You need a specific gene code to transfer your mind into a very very genetically different body? This is science fiction at its best, making up shit that’s ridiculous.
-Omgosh! There like oil refineries! It’s like... so relevant.
-Hahaha, you never lose the attitude? Dude, your in a wheel chair, not retired.
-Ok so... in the future America is still going to have its retarded health system? So our man can’t have his spine surgery? Surely this is the grimmest message of the movie?
Fighting for freedom? You have given us zero back-story, they could have been fighting for the puppy tyrants for all we know.
-Wtf? Being in a wheel chair is wrong? As in... what? It’s tragic? It shouldn’t be allowed? What the hell is anyone talking about! Your slang is stupid!
-HAHAHAHAHA, our introduction to the Navi’ is arrows in wheels? My first impression is there kinda pathetic protesters.
-Who ever f***ing thought it would be clever to put in the wizard of Oz line should die ironically... Like being eaten by umpa lumpas.
-I like how the bad guy is like “This is the worst place ever, hell is much better then here” and I think I agree with him.
-Wants to eat your eye’s for WHAT? Did he say Juju beans? Who talks like that? Where are you getting these words?
-“Your all going to die, and I will laugh when that happens”
-First rule of Pandora, do not talk about Pandora.
-Wait, they had avatar training? Surely Lug-head would need to do the same, I mean if he didn’t it- HAHAHAHA, like any of this makes sense.
-I’m sad the Indian guy did not have an Indian accent. A missed opportunity there.
-*Lug head looks at the avatar for a bit toooo long* “Hey... would it be weird if I had sex with my avatar?”
-The video logs are important, so that when everyone dies you can give vital background that no one really cares about.
-So they can speak Navi’ already? Why the hell do they need the avatars again?
-Oh golf, that means he’s evil.
-So you need the avatars so the Navi’ will warm up to you? So they don’t mind your wearing unborn abominations of their race? They’ll be totally cool with that?
-That rock has a stupid name.
-Brink of war? You mean brink of curb stomping right? Can anyone say aerial bombardment? From space?
-You could not pay me to get into the jellow pod.
-Wouldn’t displacing your brain and thoughts cause serious psychological damage?
-Haha, Lug-head walks like a drunk.
-They leave the doors unlocked? To the expensive Navi body chamber? WHAT.
-So like the pod is a wireless network? Hope your connections good. At leats there arint alot of trees to get in the-Oh Wait.
-Ok, that jaw movement is horrifying, like a Navi could totally fit your head in there.
Fist bump, because we cool.
-Wait, the gravity is lower on Pandora? That can cause serious bone problems
-I agree, the scar is bitching.
-It has like... the set things to make a political almost clever subplot, but I know they won’t use it.
-Alien Bird! His name shall be Jones Jamerson.
-Why are all the creatures a shade of blue?
-They really need avatar bodies to take field samples?
-I like how lug-head likes to touch everything, i hope it’s all poisoned.
-Really? A hammer head rhino? Bullet proof too? I smell bullshit.
-Wait, if everything’s bullet proof, why did they bring a gun?
-I dislike the slow motion... it kinda disturbs the animation.
-HAHAHAHAH, a gun didn’t work, so a spear will be much better!
-Wait... she doesn’t shoot him because the Jesus jellyfish floated by?
-“Yeah... Er... we lost an avatar” “Well that’s infinity money wasted, why did we let you go out there, when it had nothing to do with the avatars purpose anyway?”
-He has made a spear of goo.... WHAT
-There was like, a 99% chance that goo wouldn’t be flammable.
-Panther lizards! This film has something against furry creatures... probably because then everyone would know this is a ‘furry’ film. If you understand that.
-Only you can prevent forest fires.
-Seriously this film is all about the shades of blue.
-No touchy
-Why can she suddenly speak English?
-I like how she judges him, without actually telling him what he did wrong.
-Ok, so if she grows to love him... but calls him a baby alot... she a pedo?
-The whole ‘no hurting the wild life’ thing borders on the ridiculous. Especially when your surrounded by things that wish to eat you. If there were no predators I’d understand, but were in silly land at the moment.
-Again, blue horses. I seriously want to know what’s up with all the blue. Is there like a blue carrot that turns your pee blue?
-I am reminded of the song savages from Pocahontas
-Ok, so you respect all life, but it’s totally fine to keep skulls?
-Lug-head did not read his manual alot did he?
-And now another one knows English? WHAT.
-Clan jar-head, well at least there keeping his stupidly consistent.
-Oh so because he’s different then them that makes him insane? Seriously the writer needs to take the stick out of his ass.
-Ha, it’s like Navi’ high school, and he’s the only nerd.
-Three months... I hope there’s a montage.
-Ha, nerd boy is jealous of Lug-head, no super special awesome adventure for him.
-So basically Navi’ are giant parasites? What exactly do they offer the creatures they bond with? Good will?
-Hmm, ok they used a bit of the political plot, but it goes by smoothly so you wouldn’t notice it if you weren’t looking for it. Clever, but only in the way that the writer understands story structure. That’s something I guess.
-Oh floating islands... I’ve never seen that... expect in every anime ever.
-Ok they explained the political subplot bit, I was hoping they wouldn’t... you know... get people actually thinking about it... but never mind.
-Even some of the mushrooms are blue!
-The bird thing is... like... from alot of fantasy settings. I’m pretty sure there was a dinotopia episode about this exact same thing.
-If everyone thinks your a moron... there’s a chance your a moron.
-Happy times! Nothing could go wrong!
-Expect more f***ing blue!
-Ok, so it was wrong to kill the little killer things, but now its totally ok to kill harmless stuff? WHAT.
-There should be a drinking game, every time you see something new that’s blue, you take a drink.
-I’m pretty sure you auto win if you choke slam the bird.
-AND NOW WE ARE BEST FRIENDS FOREVER.
-HAHAHAHAHAHA, he is a terrible driver, I think i know how he lost his legs in the first place.
I have no idea where the chemistry is supposed to come from with these two. Do bumbling idiots turn her on? They’ve spent time with each other, but they seem to have a connection of friendship... unless something changes that the love scene will have been forced.
-F***ing lizard dragon! It’s red- F*** it’s still got blue bits on it.
-“All the Navi people know the story”.... ok? What story? Oh I’m sorry, I thought you were gonna discuss something interesting, GARRR!
-Beard!
-No Beard! It’s magic!
-Heh, I thought he was gonna hit him with that chair for a second.
-I am a man!
-I just noticed that the order of the Navi’s words is alot like Japnense, in that it’s the other way round from the subs... YES I CAN NOTICE THAT.
-SO MUCH BLUE!
-Prayer plants? That’s convenient.
-OK here we go, where is this love coming from? You’ve literally given us nothing other than the fact that they’ve spent time together. There’s literally like no other indicators. WHAT.
-“What the hell are you doing Jake?” Having furry sex, that’s what.
-HA! Take that trees!
-“Oh hey girl what’s- OH MY GOD!”
-Ha! Take that expensive equipment!
-Oh snap, they know Lug-head did it.
-Woo! War! Maybe everyone will die?
-Oh double snap! “You had sex with this thing?!”
-Demon! I’m with that guy... that or the Navi’ don’t know what narcolepsy is.
-Ouch, so Paganism isn’t real? Oh yeah, real open minded film this one.
-Usb hair! Hurrah!
-Wow, just wow.... Were not even trying for grey here are we?
-Yay! Simple time! Lets burn some shit!
-I like the really big military plane thing.
-I swear Lug-Head has forgotten half the time his legs don’t work with the way he enters the jellow pod.
-Aw, she’s sad now.
-The bad guy does have a certain style. He just need a better uniform.
-HAHAHAHAHA, ah arrows.... classic.
-The only way to deal with a Navi... is to burn it!
-Oh crazy knife!
-Oh no wait... sad crazy knife.
-“I didn’t sign up for this shit” Urrr, no I think you did, everyone’s been talking about doing this for awhile now.
-Ha! No more tree house for you, time to live in caves, like normal people.
-Also, it never seems to rain.
-Oh the horror!... Am I monster cause I seriously feel nothing for this scene?
-Oh fathers dead... everyone knew that would happen, fiction hates fathers.
-Now lug-head is sad, all it took is a massive tragedy.
-Well everything should be fine forever now, since the Navi’ have moved.
-Oh seriously? The food jail break trick? Surely there are measures to stop that by now?
-Why are none of these doors locked? This place has terrible security (This is a big issue cause you can see the massive locking devices on the door... that are never used).
-Ok the villain is a badass. Nice getting an off camera shot in.
-“Why would they help us?” “... because... we have a can do attitude?”
-Dragon power!
-“Oh so what? I’m suddenly your best friend now that I have the biggest dragon lizard? You people are seriously shallow”
-We shall use plant power! Because that makes sense!
-Woops, seems being eco-powered does not necessarily mean it is better, Ha!
-Rowdy time.
-I like how none of the Navi’ tribes have unique decorations, and are basically just copied from tribes we know of.
-Fight the terror!
-Shock and awe... were really just not trying here are we?
-Protect the... blue tree? AARRRHHHH!
-This film would be a nightmare if you were colour blind.
-Ok, is it just me... just hear me out... but am I the only person who wonders what a Navi’ would taste like?..... What?
-BIG BATTLE
-Really? We push the bombs out? WHAT.
-Ok, the arrows can suddenly go through the glass? WHAT.
-I thought they said they cant use the missiles?
-This fight is actually going surprisingly as expected, as in really badly
-See, Lug-head should have really contacted some kind of arms dealer, or otherwise tried to steal guns.
-And then the plot armour rhinos attacked.
-That’s alot of birds.
-See, Lug-head has a gun so he does really well
-Yet again, villain is kind of a badass.
-This is how you apply the knowledge of the Navi’ people Lug-head? How to fall through branches? Eh.
-Knife Fight!
-Still dislike the slow-mo.
-Where’d she get that bow? She did not bring it with her. Gonna need to re-watch that to check sometime
-He lives! Happy end... Expect for all those people who died.
Ok I didn’t hate it. But at times it was frustrating... and kinda bare bones. But as an action flick... yeah sure. Just... don’t look too deeply at the disturbing under and above tones. Also they never explained how they knew English... just.... WHAT.
Friday, 18 June 2010
Game Review: Duels of the Planeswalkers
Being a magic fan I feel i am both best and the most ill suited at reviewing this.... so were going to disregard that for a moment.... and instead...
As a yugioh fan I feel I am best suited to review this new card game for your pc or xbox.
The game focus on the card game Magic: The Gathering by giving you a number of decks you can play with and unlock. The idea is the more you play the more cards you unlock to add to the decks.
Now those of you who enjoy this game may want to turn away, as I am about to say some mean things that will distress you. Keep in mind though at £7 I don't feel too badly ripped off, and I still enjoy the game.... but it has certain problems.
First lets go over what's good about the game:
* Very good for new players of Magic to learn the rules
* A good place for veterans who no longer have time or money to carry on playing normally
* And it has online play
I am afraid that is it. Unless you are new to magic or you really just want a casual game with no strings attached, then this is not for you.
Now the main complaint people have against the game is the fact that you can not change the decks, which normally is part of the main point of a card game. While I see where their coming from, and note certain cards I would like to remove, I think this can be argued as actually something good.... because at least in this game everyone is on equal footing and you don't need to worry about people ruining the game and winning in like turn 1 or 2.
The lack of an actual storyline strikes me as more lazy then anything else, I know not every ones too interested in the actual settings of magic (I barely know much of it myself), but you could at least supply a deeper context to the duels rather then a short sentence or two.
Laziness actually seems to be one of the main things hurting the game, since you can instantly tell that the pc version is a straight rip of the xbox. Because of this the game actually demands a massive amount of processing power for its AI, while normally fine on an xbox, will actually hurt quite a few Pc's. It's also buggy as hell. One thing I noticed, it has these massive borders covering the top and bottom of the screen with some sparkly background turning in the center.... but I've noticed sometimes during loading the top border goes away and you can actually see the background is just like a round room spinning... that seems lazy and stupid to me.
But James? What about the challenge mode? Lots of people love that?
......
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
I'll not call those people stupid, as that seems unfair.... No I call them deluded because those 14 challenges were retarded. Basically your given a set up where you have to win in a turn, so it's a puzzle, the problem lies in the fact that some of the answers are... well... kinda stupid. For example I was having trouble with the last one cause I couldn't quite do enough damage with my spells, so in my usual trail and error method I just attacked with all my creatures off-handily.
I beat it.... Cause the Ai didn't bother blocking one of them.... What? Are you kidding me? You beat that puzzle cause your enemy is retarded? ERRRRRR.
Overall they were simple, sort of.... take some time but easy to do puzzles.
Now you may be wondering why I mentioned yugioh a little while ago, and that is because they already made a game like this magic one awhile ago... its gone through some changes but is largely the same now.
It basically does everything this game does, but 100 times better.
Off the bat you get over 2000 cards you can unlock and use to make your own deck, any deck you want, it has opponents of pure ball crushing pain to test your deck, the Ai is so simple and yet comes off as an actual asshole and not just a machine, and has hundreds of puzzles and challenges that will make you cry. Finally its just a gameboy/Ds game, so you can play it anywhere.
I mean.... wtf? Duels of the Planeswalkers is by no means a failure.... it's just an embarrassment. Magic would like to get back to the days of lots of young people buying their product, but I think those days are largely past and I believe magic will always be a niche product.... frankly I think that's better. Instead of trying to grow, Magic should just try and keep a firm foot on it's current audience.... Cause in the entertainment market if you relie to much on a massive audience your actually setting yourself up for a fall.... a fall caused by your customers pushing you out of the way to get to the next big thing.
I find it deeply amusing, cause Magic players are usually considered mature, so you'd think smarter... but Yugioh players will laugh at you if you buy this game.
Luckily I don't know any so I dodged that bullet.
As a yugioh fan I feel I am best suited to review this new card game for your pc or xbox.
The game focus on the card game Magic: The Gathering by giving you a number of decks you can play with and unlock. The idea is the more you play the more cards you unlock to add to the decks.Now those of you who enjoy this game may want to turn away, as I am about to say some mean things that will distress you. Keep in mind though at £7 I don't feel too badly ripped off, and I still enjoy the game.... but it has certain problems.
First lets go over what's good about the game:
* Very good for new players of Magic to learn the rules
* A good place for veterans who no longer have time or money to carry on playing normally
* And it has online play
I am afraid that is it. Unless you are new to magic or you really just want a casual game with no strings attached, then this is not for you.
Now the main complaint people have against the game is the fact that you can not change the decks, which normally is part of the main point of a card game. While I see where their coming from, and note certain cards I would like to remove, I think this can be argued as actually something good.... because at least in this game everyone is on equal footing and you don't need to worry about people ruining the game and winning in like turn 1 or 2.
The lack of an actual storyline strikes me as more lazy then anything else, I know not every ones too interested in the actual settings of magic (I barely know much of it myself), but you could at least supply a deeper context to the duels rather then a short sentence or two.
Laziness actually seems to be one of the main things hurting the game, since you can instantly tell that the pc version is a straight rip of the xbox. Because of this the game actually demands a massive amount of processing power for its AI, while normally fine on an xbox, will actually hurt quite a few Pc's. It's also buggy as hell. One thing I noticed, it has these massive borders covering the top and bottom of the screen with some sparkly background turning in the center.... but I've noticed sometimes during loading the top border goes away and you can actually see the background is just like a round room spinning... that seems lazy and stupid to me.
But James? What about the challenge mode? Lots of people love that?
......
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
I'll not call those people stupid, as that seems unfair.... No I call them deluded because those 14 challenges were retarded. Basically your given a set up where you have to win in a turn, so it's a puzzle, the problem lies in the fact that some of the answers are... well... kinda stupid. For example I was having trouble with the last one cause I couldn't quite do enough damage with my spells, so in my usual trail and error method I just attacked with all my creatures off-handily.
I beat it.... Cause the Ai didn't bother blocking one of them.... What? Are you kidding me? You beat that puzzle cause your enemy is retarded? ERRRRRR.
Overall they were simple, sort of.... take some time but easy to do puzzles.
Now you may be wondering why I mentioned yugioh a little while ago, and that is because they already made a game like this magic one awhile ago... its gone through some changes but is largely the same now.
It basically does everything this game does, but 100 times better.
Off the bat you get over 2000 cards you can unlock and use to make your own deck, any deck you want, it has opponents of pure ball crushing pain to test your deck, the Ai is so simple and yet comes off as an actual asshole and not just a machine, and has hundreds of puzzles and challenges that will make you cry. Finally its just a gameboy/Ds game, so you can play it anywhere.I mean.... wtf? Duels of the Planeswalkers is by no means a failure.... it's just an embarrassment. Magic would like to get back to the days of lots of young people buying their product, but I think those days are largely past and I believe magic will always be a niche product.... frankly I think that's better. Instead of trying to grow, Magic should just try and keep a firm foot on it's current audience.... Cause in the entertainment market if you relie to much on a massive audience your actually setting yourself up for a fall.... a fall caused by your customers pushing you out of the way to get to the next big thing.
I find it deeply amusing, cause Magic players are usually considered mature, so you'd think smarter... but Yugioh players will laugh at you if you buy this game.
Luckily I don't know any so I dodged that bullet.
Saturday, 1 May 2010
Game Review: Mass Effect 2
Well it took awhile but I finally finished the second game in the mass effect series, and it was a good ride.
There is something I really like with the mass effect series, there's alot to like but this is one of my main ones. You can't be an unbelievable psycho. See a main flaw with many Bioware games is that when they give you evil options they always mess it up and make them either too evil or insane. I've got nothing against evil characters, the problem stems from the fact that evil characters are fundamentally motivated in vastly different ways then other characters. Bioware has this habit of putting the evil option in, but having nothing to back up or justify why the evil character is trying to *save* the kingdom/land/planet.
In Mass Effect you can be a badass. Oh you can be crazy and shoot alot of people that may have not dissevered it, but all the time regardless of your attitude you have a goal. So regardless to how you act it will make sense. I hope Bioware start making a habit of doing this instead.
On to the actual game then. When it was first announced everyone thought that the gameplay would have been 'dummed' down a bit for the console audience, and while slightly true is a bit unfair. The game has mostly been streamlined for a better overall experience in my opinion, and I did not miss the old way at all.
The really annoying space car sections have been taken out, but replaced with an equally annoying planet scan mini game you have to do. And I mean it, you really need to do if you want the best ending.
There are some bits of a storyline that make little to no sense, but these instants are thankfully short. The main game is a vast web of emotions and personal storeys that are excellent. If your anything like me you'll hunt down these things religiously just to get another bite.
To sum up, if you've played the first one and enjoyed it, then I'm afraid the second is a must buy.
*Spoilers*
At the end of the game you can get some or all of your party killed if you make the wrong choices and don't do side quests, and I've read comments around the game of this happening to people.
What?
I can not understand this. The only way for any member of your team to die is to basically refuse to play the game, I can not physically understand how people can play the game without doing these things. Ok perhaps they did do the side missions but none of the upgrades... What? Did you not think it was odd that you could buy upgrades that appeared to have no in game benefit? Did it not seem strange that you can ask your party for these upgrades? Did bells not start going off whenever you got one of these after a long side quest? Seriously how could anyone miss that?
Before you call me unfair, understand I'm not forgiving people that made the wrong choices at the end of the game. At the end you have to pick members of your team to do certain jobs, and if you pick the wrong ones they die. I'm sorry but its really obvious which members do which jobs. I mean it even says in their description what there good at.
As for the ending....
WTF? Seriously? A human shaped reaper? That shit is retarded.
When I was playing the first game and I met the reapers for the first time I started thinking of theories as to why they came and kill everyone every 50,000 years or so. One of my thoughts was actually that perhaps they needed organics for something.... But I dismissed that cause the reaper even said he hated organics and everything they stand for, so if he actually needed them for something that would make him a hypocrite and would make no sense...
But low and behold I was right, and it really doesn't make sense.
Really Bioware? Harvesting other races to make more of your own? Do you have any idea how many times that's been done? I'm going to say twelve. Point is Bioware have always been very bad when it comes to making a truly intimidating villain... Its because they have this nasty habit of giving away actual answers.... Now reader you have to understand, this is the literary equivalent of cancer.... it destroys all hope of a future. The only reason people get interested in something is out of curiosity.
Bioware seem like the sort of people that think on these big reveals so much they literally cant keep it to themselves and have to share it with everyone. Unfortunately it sometimes backfires. What they really should have done is kept the Reapers mysterious and alien, that way they would have come off as much bigger threats. At the moment they seem like villain surfers.
"Oh dude, we should like.... Totally descend on some people and kill them and do other weird things"
"Can't bro, portals broke"
"Oh bummer... Guess will just chill and float for awhile"
And what was one reaper gonna do exactly? Bravely attack the citadel before all the ships guarding it blow it into a million pieces? It's also suggested that the collectors are targeting earth. Oh that would have gone well, after attacking barely defended planets they must be pretty pumped to attack a place that probably has a giant laser on its moon.
The reapers apparently have this ability of taking over peoples minds... I don't think it works like that.... I think it just makes you as stupid as they are.
There is something I really like with the mass effect series, there's alot to like but this is one of my main ones. You can't be an unbelievable psycho. See a main flaw with many Bioware games is that when they give you evil options they always mess it up and make them either too evil or insane. I've got nothing against evil characters, the problem stems from the fact that evil characters are fundamentally motivated in vastly different ways then other characters. Bioware has this habit of putting the evil option in, but having nothing to back up or justify why the evil character is trying to *save* the kingdom/land/planet.
In Mass Effect you can be a badass. Oh you can be crazy and shoot alot of people that may have not dissevered it, but all the time regardless of your attitude you have a goal. So regardless to how you act it will make sense. I hope Bioware start making a habit of doing this instead.
On to the actual game then. When it was first announced everyone thought that the gameplay would have been 'dummed' down a bit for the console audience, and while slightly true is a bit unfair. The game has mostly been streamlined for a better overall experience in my opinion, and I did not miss the old way at all.
The really annoying space car sections have been taken out, but replaced with an equally annoying planet scan mini game you have to do. And I mean it, you really need to do if you want the best ending.
There are some bits of a storyline that make little to no sense, but these instants are thankfully short. The main game is a vast web of emotions and personal storeys that are excellent. If your anything like me you'll hunt down these things religiously just to get another bite.
To sum up, if you've played the first one and enjoyed it, then I'm afraid the second is a must buy.
*Spoilers*
At the end of the game you can get some or all of your party killed if you make the wrong choices and don't do side quests, and I've read comments around the game of this happening to people.
What?
I can not understand this. The only way for any member of your team to die is to basically refuse to play the game, I can not physically understand how people can play the game without doing these things. Ok perhaps they did do the side missions but none of the upgrades... What? Did you not think it was odd that you could buy upgrades that appeared to have no in game benefit? Did it not seem strange that you can ask your party for these upgrades? Did bells not start going off whenever you got one of these after a long side quest? Seriously how could anyone miss that?
Before you call me unfair, understand I'm not forgiving people that made the wrong choices at the end of the game. At the end you have to pick members of your team to do certain jobs, and if you pick the wrong ones they die. I'm sorry but its really obvious which members do which jobs. I mean it even says in their description what there good at.
As for the ending....
WTF? Seriously? A human shaped reaper? That shit is retarded.
When I was playing the first game and I met the reapers for the first time I started thinking of theories as to why they came and kill everyone every 50,000 years or so. One of my thoughts was actually that perhaps they needed organics for something.... But I dismissed that cause the reaper even said he hated organics and everything they stand for, so if he actually needed them for something that would make him a hypocrite and would make no sense...
But low and behold I was right, and it really doesn't make sense.
Really Bioware? Harvesting other races to make more of your own? Do you have any idea how many times that's been done? I'm going to say twelve. Point is Bioware have always been very bad when it comes to making a truly intimidating villain... Its because they have this nasty habit of giving away actual answers.... Now reader you have to understand, this is the literary equivalent of cancer.... it destroys all hope of a future. The only reason people get interested in something is out of curiosity.
Bioware seem like the sort of people that think on these big reveals so much they literally cant keep it to themselves and have to share it with everyone. Unfortunately it sometimes backfires. What they really should have done is kept the Reapers mysterious and alien, that way they would have come off as much bigger threats. At the moment they seem like villain surfers.
"Oh dude, we should like.... Totally descend on some people and kill them and do other weird things"
"Can't bro, portals broke"
"Oh bummer... Guess will just chill and float for awhile"
And what was one reaper gonna do exactly? Bravely attack the citadel before all the ships guarding it blow it into a million pieces? It's also suggested that the collectors are targeting earth. Oh that would have gone well, after attacking barely defended planets they must be pretty pumped to attack a place that probably has a giant laser on its moon.
The reapers apparently have this ability of taking over peoples minds... I don't think it works like that.... I think it just makes you as stupid as they are.
Monday, 12 April 2010
Game Review: Command and Conquer 4
The council has been in an uproar for over an hour now. At first they were content to merely sit and brood on the events of this morning, but now they had left their seats to shout their outrage.
"It's nothing like the old ones!"
"There heretics!"
"They took out the main mechanics!"
"They changed it!"
A crash echo's throughout the room and the council all stares in silence at the center of the room. I bang the table once more.
"How the mighty have fallen, huh? You always want the game to improve, yet your outraged whenever something changes? No sir! I dub you the heretics! It is because of people like you that no one else can play RTS's!"
"Oh I had my doubts when I heard the news, but my faith in Kane was unwavering! He would not lead us astray! And so I come back to you with your worst fear.... Tiberium twilight is fun!"
Chaos.
-------------
If you buy this game the first thing you need to learn is how to let go. If you can bring yourself to let go of all your old strategy's and tactics, if you can man up and shallow what has been given to you... Then I assure you, C&C4 is great fun.
Frankly I actually applaud the guys behind the new C&C, I mean they must have known how everyone was going to react? But they did it anyway, and I can honestly say the system is great fun.
For those of you who don't know the C&C series, and most strategy games, are founded on universal resource systems. Part of the game is working out how you can quickly out resource your enemy. However the new C&C has taken out resources completely, all you need to build units is time.
But time is something you do not have.
Basically a match goes like this- you build your army and try to capture these location for points, which go toward winning the game. That's it, and it is furious. If your clever and your enemy makes a mistake, then the whole game can easily be turned around in your favor. There is fighting going on all the time and I love it.
I actually like this system cause no longer can you be base raped, no longer can you be out resourced by a faster opponent. Regardless of skill, you will not be knocked out of the game in only 2 mins.
The only way forward is to meet your opponent on the field of Valor.
A good player will still destroy a bad player, and the game isn't perfect, but it is a good game.
As for the story, well I'll always love Kane. There's this brilliant moment when Kane basically kidnaps your wife to force you to work for him, but I was just like "Awww, That's sweet Kane.... But you didn't need to do that silly"
It is a short and fast paced story, which is a shame. At the end none of the big questions are answered (But you kinda suspected that didn't you?), but for some strange reason I felt the pace of the story fit the pace of the game.
But yes, bottom line, give this a chance, it might surprise you.
"It's nothing like the old ones!"
"There heretics!"
"They took out the main mechanics!"
"They changed it!"
A crash echo's throughout the room and the council all stares in silence at the center of the room. I bang the table once more.
"How the mighty have fallen, huh? You always want the game to improve, yet your outraged whenever something changes? No sir! I dub you the heretics! It is because of people like you that no one else can play RTS's!"
"Oh I had my doubts when I heard the news, but my faith in Kane was unwavering! He would not lead us astray! And so I come back to you with your worst fear.... Tiberium twilight is fun!"
Chaos.
-------------
If you buy this game the first thing you need to learn is how to let go. If you can bring yourself to let go of all your old strategy's and tactics, if you can man up and shallow what has been given to you... Then I assure you, C&C4 is great fun.
Frankly I actually applaud the guys behind the new C&C, I mean they must have known how everyone was going to react? But they did it anyway, and I can honestly say the system is great fun.
For those of you who don't know the C&C series, and most strategy games, are founded on universal resource systems. Part of the game is working out how you can quickly out resource your enemy. However the new C&C has taken out resources completely, all you need to build units is time.
But time is something you do not have.
Basically a match goes like this- you build your army and try to capture these location for points, which go toward winning the game. That's it, and it is furious. If your clever and your enemy makes a mistake, then the whole game can easily be turned around in your favor. There is fighting going on all the time and I love it.
I actually like this system cause no longer can you be base raped, no longer can you be out resourced by a faster opponent. Regardless of skill, you will not be knocked out of the game in only 2 mins.
The only way forward is to meet your opponent on the field of Valor.
A good player will still destroy a bad player, and the game isn't perfect, but it is a good game.
As for the story, well I'll always love Kane. There's this brilliant moment when Kane basically kidnaps your wife to force you to work for him, but I was just like "Awww, That's sweet Kane.... But you didn't need to do that silly"
It is a short and fast paced story, which is a shame. At the end none of the big questions are answered (But you kinda suspected that didn't you?), but for some strange reason I felt the pace of the story fit the pace of the game.
But yes, bottom line, give this a chance, it might surprise you.
Friday, 29 January 2010
Steam Games: Part 2
Mass Effect
I know what you’re thinking.... James where is the 2? Surely this is a review of the second game right? You wouldn’t review the first just as the second one is out would you? Only a total dweeb would do that. Well come closer, I have a clever retort for thee.
Monkeys told me to!
Anyway moving on, it’s the year future08 and mankind has moved into space where it met a bunch of aliens. We shot them, they shot us, we all laughed about it for awhile and now were on the fore front of being accepted into a small but powerful council at the heart of this space land. Some shit blows up and it’s your job to track down the culprit by... and I’m not joking... searching the entire galaxy for very vague clues as to his whereabouts.
Suffice it to say you don’t need me to tell you the story, because that’s half the fricken game and I’m sure you’d rather be playing it then reading about it. Anyway the shooting is fun, the abilities are cool, and for the love of god if it’s your first time playing pick the vanguard class... I’m serious... the others suck balls. A part of you has to enjoy rpg’s to get into this... it’s not about sorting through the equipment, only lazy people complain about that sort of thing, no you need to be the sort of gamer who actually looks forward to just talking to people... There were times in the game I just thought “Man, I hope this level is short so I can go talk to someone” if you come in with that mind frame you’ll probably enjoy the game alot. The shootings still fun though.
Spoilers
Something weird happened with my character, I made a woman (Don’t judge me) but for some reason she looked and acted exactly like Captain Janeway from star trek voyager... Hell I even convinced myself she sounded like Janeway. It wasn’t too bad for most of it, but I did get the short sex scene you can get... and... It was weird ok.
I didn’t like Ash. Whenever I went on a mission with her I’d be talking to an alien and right on cue... Ash opens her goddamn face. It’s like, I know I’m a cop but to alot of these aliens I’m representing the human race, so what sort of impression do I get hanging around Ash? After awhile I stopped bringing her racist ass on any missions. My super team was T (Screw you, I’m not going to try and say her name) and Wrex cause he was a badass. We all had shotguns. It was a blood bath.
Then near the end you have to decide, does Garry live (was that his name?) or does Ash? And I couldn’t stop laughing.
“Hahaha! You think your making me choose don’t you game? Hahaha! I bet you reckon I’m gonna sit here and think about this, Ha!” I could not press Garry fast enough. F*** you Ash, you’re a nice girl but a terrible person.
Overall the story was ace, I couldn’t really see any problems with it. Except one thing. Basically the bad guy’s plan is to raise an army so he can attack the big space centre and use it’s hidden function to summon forth a race of horrible death machines. In order for the attack to go really well he went around looking for clues to this teleporter that would take him close to where the control panel was, he burned like a whole planet to find one of these clues thus alerting everyone that he was a douche bag.
But the guy... was already a spectre, highest authority... so... couldn’t he have just snuck into the main control panel while most people were asleep? Maybe use a small elite team to hold it until enough death machines come through? Using a teleporter to get to a place you already have access to strikes me as kinda ridiculous.
Heroes of Might and Magic V
I had a good idea of what I was getting into when I bought this, since way back I used to own number 3. I’d say the game hasn’t largely changed at all, few things added, few things taken out... the only big difference being the big graphics upgrade... Oh that and the fact that Undead rock.
It’s the year fantasy08 and the griffon empire is once again under threat, this time from Demons. It’s up to you to follow six campaigns with all the races and see what wacky hijinks they all get up to. The game is a straight forward turned based strategy game.... Oh no wait... My bad.... It’s an incredibly hard turned based strategy game. I don’t know what it is about the Heroes games but they have always kicked my ass. The story mode isn’t too hard so you’re bound to get through a fair amount of it... then the game decides you should have no base and the enemy should have 5... In a word it is unfair.
The trouble is you only get troops every seven turns, in your base, and movement over a big map can take five turns sometimes... so reinforcements for your main army can sometimes be few and far between. But if the enemy has more bases then you do, then after awhile, regardless how many spells or good luck you have, he’ll start to cut you down. Thus begins my age old tactic I use on any strategy game that decides it doesn’t want to play fair.... I base rape them. It really becomes your only option after awhile, because otherwise there is no way you’ll ever have enough troops to take him down.
Saying that it’s not a bad game.... It’s just one I’d prefer to play with people, who don’t move their units in a very robotic fashion (Whenever the Ai moves it actually feels robotic). Thankfully the Heroes team added a neat mode called hot seat, since this is a turn based game you only need one computer and so everyone can just switch chairs (or whatever you do) to play. This is a nice option I think more games should do, it shows you have a heart and soul and aren’t just trying to suck the moisture from our skins.
The story is... cute at times... in a sort of “Aww look at that, he gave one his characters a motivation” it’s not Shakespeare but it serves to move the game forward. Expect when you do the undead campaign cause Markal is a total bad ass.
"Griffin eternal? I say griffin undying!"
God he's stylish.Thursday, 28 January 2010
Steam Games Part 1
If you game on the Pc at all you may have noticed the steam Christmas sales that were on, selling numerous games rather cheaply... because of that my list of steam games doubled in size. I’ve played through most of them, so let’s just have a look shall we?
Second Sight
This one’s a bit odd at first because it has a very similar art style to the first person shooter time splitters. The reason this feels odd is because time splitters was largely a comedic game that didn’t take itself seriously, Second Sight on the other hand is very serious all the way through.
The game starts with you waking up in a lab of some kind with no memory of who you are, all you learn is your name and how you apparently killed a bunch of people. Wishing to leave you focus intently on your locked door... which then becomes unlocked. Hey! You got psychic powers! Cool, you could be a hero and stop villains- it was at this point I started lifting the guards with my mind and throwing them down elevator shafts.
I always find games like second sight interesting, the story is good and your character is a nice guy.... he’s just scared and confused... but then when you get into the game you find you can do really horrible shit to people. It’s like playing someone with multiple personalities, on the one hand you have a nice guy that just wants a normal life again... and then you have me, which goes past serial killer and straight into the domains of a professional mad man. It’s not that the powers lean to do horrible things, heck alot of the time it’s mostly straight forward stuff like hiding or taking their guns away... But there are ways to twist some of them into horrible acts no moral person would do. When I got the possession power and could make my enemies shoot all their friends... I pretty much stopped using other powers.
But yeah, bottom line, its good fun and worth a look.
Spoilers
I really enjoyed the storyline, but it could be because of my inability to see plot twists. As your going about trying to discover the truth you have these flashbacks of when you went on this mission with a bunch of soldiers to find this guy doing experiments on kids... 5 points if you can guess what he was trying to do.
Anyway, while on the mission the children contact you and unlock your psychic powers, thus helping you beat off the savage troopers blocking your path, but then you flash forward to the present and carry on your way. But then a couple of weird things happened, first I rescued one of my old friends from a metal institute and ask her where our old captain is. She tells you he’s dead and then you have a flashback of you and the captain going on a mission, but he didn’t die on that bit of the mission, but when you flash forward she says he’s alive and knows where he is... I didn’t know what to think about that, I chalked it down to her being crazy, but then it happened again. When you meet the captain he’s like, the whole team died on the mission, you flash back but the mission carry’s on fine after a big fight but then your back and he then says that there alive... and it’s like, the hell is going on?
Anyone realise what the twist is yet? Precognition. It turns out I unlocked a power without knowing about it. The flashbacks are your current self and everything else is what if. The reason the captain said they all died is because in that future they did, but when you get there you keep them all alive so the future changes. When it’s revealed it then stops being a fight about getting back your own life but a fight to stop that terrible future in the first place. I enjoyed that twist; I felt it was done well.
Jade Empire
Oh? Another Bioware game? So this is as good as dragon age right? Urrr.... It’s still pretty good? Not dragon age good though.
Jade empire, I believe, is one of their first main games to be made for a console. When I was playing the pc version it just screamed for a gamepad instead of a keyboard, this is because the old turn taking in bioware’s other games has been mostly taken out and replaced with more of a brawler game. The combat is fun, cause you can learn different marital arts that have different speeds, damage and effects and it can be alot of fun just switching from one to another during a fight (White Demon style for the win, I’ll f*** you up).
The game starts you in a remote village studying martial arts, but trouble soon arrives. The spirits of the dead are restless and are unable to go to the afterlife, so it’s up to you to restore balance.
The story... is... good... but it opts for simplicity over any sort of substance. The line between good and evil is very clear, and while the game will pretend there’s no good or evil option it’s just fooling itself. In dragon age your companions tend to drop their hopes and dreams on your lap and see if you’ll help them... and if you thought they were whiney bitchs then you will hate the guys in Jade Empire. Jesus Christ they moan alot, I was doing a good character but still... I’m trying to restore balance to the world and heaven... I really don’t have time for your shit!
One thing, it’s not just a complaint about this game but alot of rpg’s... why crossroads? You’ll be going along on your epic journey and then the game will make you choose, you gonna be good or are you gonna be evil? By the time that choice has any meaning towards the overall story at all you’ll have already decided which one you’ll be taking. My problem is the fact it’s already decided what you’re going to do... You can watch your companions evolve and change over the course of the game... but it never lets you do the same, never gives you the chance to change your ways without seeming completely out of character. In Jade Empire I did my best to be a good character... but there was always a flaw in there... I liked fighting... alot. It got to the point that I would seek fights for the sake of fighting, rather than any higher meaning. My companions moaned at me about their troubles but never once asked me, how are you? The village you live in gets destroyed (It’s really obvious its gonna happen, ok?) and your childhood friend is all broken up about it... But she never once asked how that had affected me? Like, did she not think it was odd that I would fight everyone and everything? Or the fact that I’d go into blind rages whenever I saw some of the people responsible? No she didn’t.
I’m not saying the writers should plan for every eventuality and act... But what I would like to see is something... something that is generally made to make you, personally, very angry. See most people tend to have good characters, by on by people sometimes naturally lean to doing good... it is because of this you need to give a good character a reason to turn evil. You have to really sell it, not try to Star Wars it... (Oh hey, I’m Anakin, I’m a bit of a rogue, pout my lips sometimes... oh and now I’m killing kids! Character development!) Say there’s a guy who hurts you, badly, or kills your favourite companion (it would be such a dick move if it killed the one you had spent the most time with, Haha) and the only way get justice is to do something really bad... None of this there’s a good way of doing this, it won’t work then... It needs to be, do something horrible... or let him get away and perhaps repeat this tragedy for others. Once you’ve got your player to do one really bad thing they’ll be more likely to do more bad things... and if a player is getting frustrated with being good they’ll thank you for giving them the chance to change their ways.
Spoiler
Ok first off, you get this bullshit part where the guy your fighting isn’t the real villain, no instead there’s this other dude you’ll have to fight in the end. The problem is it became pretty clear to me that this was going to happen...
I could see how the plot twist might take you by surprise, the reason I noticed it however was precisely because they were trying to make it a surprise and only dropped the subtlest hints. Once you know the twist the clues become crystal clear, and it’s interesting replaying the start just to see what you’re would be betrayer says now that you know.
The twist is, once you’ve beaten the emperor your master appears and kills you so he can be emperor. The reason he kills you is because he trained a flaw into your style which would give him an opening. The why is how I saw this plot twist coming. Precisely because there was no why, at least not until after the deed is done. The ‘official’ hint is when you fight other masters and they comment how your style is odd and seems to have a weakness that feels more like a trick. At first I thought it must be cause I’m the main character and need some reason why I can take everyone down, but after three people mentioned it I was like “Hang on, something’s up”. Then I remembered that my Master had very little characterization, all I knew about him was that he was old, taught me, and was perhaps wise? I knew nothing of his motives, which lead me to working out the twist.
“Hey... You’re going to make him betray me in an attempt at surprise... fail...” I can’t always pick up on a character’s true intentions, but sometimes I can pick up on the writers.
Ok, so at the end you find the god of the dead, who is also the god of water and stuff. She’s a big dragon who the emperor cut open to save his land from drought, cause she bleeds water (The scene was odd cause everyone else commented how it was such a horrible scene... I’m really desensitized so I wouldn’t know). The thing is the Jade Empire was so supposed to waste away then, but the emperor broke the cycle and saved his empire. So when I went to kill the dragon so it could be reborn I knew very well that I was dooming the empire to a horrible drought, but I had a job to do. But at the ending the empire apparently thrives? I was like, the hell? I thought that was the point? Duty before even the good of the people? Bah.
Second Sight
This one’s a bit odd at first because it has a very similar art style to the first person shooter time splitters. The reason this feels odd is because time splitters was largely a comedic game that didn’t take itself seriously, Second Sight on the other hand is very serious all the way through.
The game starts with you waking up in a lab of some kind with no memory of who you are, all you learn is your name and how you apparently killed a bunch of people. Wishing to leave you focus intently on your locked door... which then becomes unlocked. Hey! You got psychic powers! Cool, you could be a hero and stop villains- it was at this point I started lifting the guards with my mind and throwing them down elevator shafts.
I always find games like second sight interesting, the story is good and your character is a nice guy.... he’s just scared and confused... but then when you get into the game you find you can do really horrible shit to people. It’s like playing someone with multiple personalities, on the one hand you have a nice guy that just wants a normal life again... and then you have me, which goes past serial killer and straight into the domains of a professional mad man. It’s not that the powers lean to do horrible things, heck alot of the time it’s mostly straight forward stuff like hiding or taking their guns away... But there are ways to twist some of them into horrible acts no moral person would do. When I got the possession power and could make my enemies shoot all their friends... I pretty much stopped using other powers.
But yeah, bottom line, its good fun and worth a look.
Spoilers
I really enjoyed the storyline, but it could be because of my inability to see plot twists. As your going about trying to discover the truth you have these flashbacks of when you went on this mission with a bunch of soldiers to find this guy doing experiments on kids... 5 points if you can guess what he was trying to do.
Anyway, while on the mission the children contact you and unlock your psychic powers, thus helping you beat off the savage troopers blocking your path, but then you flash forward to the present and carry on your way. But then a couple of weird things happened, first I rescued one of my old friends from a metal institute and ask her where our old captain is. She tells you he’s dead and then you have a flashback of you and the captain going on a mission, but he didn’t die on that bit of the mission, but when you flash forward she says he’s alive and knows where he is... I didn’t know what to think about that, I chalked it down to her being crazy, but then it happened again. When you meet the captain he’s like, the whole team died on the mission, you flash back but the mission carry’s on fine after a big fight but then your back and he then says that there alive... and it’s like, the hell is going on?
Anyone realise what the twist is yet? Precognition. It turns out I unlocked a power without knowing about it. The flashbacks are your current self and everything else is what if. The reason the captain said they all died is because in that future they did, but when you get there you keep them all alive so the future changes. When it’s revealed it then stops being a fight about getting back your own life but a fight to stop that terrible future in the first place. I enjoyed that twist; I felt it was done well.
Jade Empire
Oh? Another Bioware game? So this is as good as dragon age right? Urrr.... It’s still pretty good? Not dragon age good though.
Jade empire, I believe, is one of their first main games to be made for a console. When I was playing the pc version it just screamed for a gamepad instead of a keyboard, this is because the old turn taking in bioware’s other games has been mostly taken out and replaced with more of a brawler game. The combat is fun, cause you can learn different marital arts that have different speeds, damage and effects and it can be alot of fun just switching from one to another during a fight (White Demon style for the win, I’ll f*** you up).
The game starts you in a remote village studying martial arts, but trouble soon arrives. The spirits of the dead are restless and are unable to go to the afterlife, so it’s up to you to restore balance.
The story... is... good... but it opts for simplicity over any sort of substance. The line between good and evil is very clear, and while the game will pretend there’s no good or evil option it’s just fooling itself. In dragon age your companions tend to drop their hopes and dreams on your lap and see if you’ll help them... and if you thought they were whiney bitchs then you will hate the guys in Jade Empire. Jesus Christ they moan alot, I was doing a good character but still... I’m trying to restore balance to the world and heaven... I really don’t have time for your shit!
One thing, it’s not just a complaint about this game but alot of rpg’s... why crossroads? You’ll be going along on your epic journey and then the game will make you choose, you gonna be good or are you gonna be evil? By the time that choice has any meaning towards the overall story at all you’ll have already decided which one you’ll be taking. My problem is the fact it’s already decided what you’re going to do... You can watch your companions evolve and change over the course of the game... but it never lets you do the same, never gives you the chance to change your ways without seeming completely out of character. In Jade Empire I did my best to be a good character... but there was always a flaw in there... I liked fighting... alot. It got to the point that I would seek fights for the sake of fighting, rather than any higher meaning. My companions moaned at me about their troubles but never once asked me, how are you? The village you live in gets destroyed (It’s really obvious its gonna happen, ok?) and your childhood friend is all broken up about it... But she never once asked how that had affected me? Like, did she not think it was odd that I would fight everyone and everything? Or the fact that I’d go into blind rages whenever I saw some of the people responsible? No she didn’t.
I’m not saying the writers should plan for every eventuality and act... But what I would like to see is something... something that is generally made to make you, personally, very angry. See most people tend to have good characters, by on by people sometimes naturally lean to doing good... it is because of this you need to give a good character a reason to turn evil. You have to really sell it, not try to Star Wars it... (Oh hey, I’m Anakin, I’m a bit of a rogue, pout my lips sometimes... oh and now I’m killing kids! Character development!) Say there’s a guy who hurts you, badly, or kills your favourite companion (it would be such a dick move if it killed the one you had spent the most time with, Haha) and the only way get justice is to do something really bad... None of this there’s a good way of doing this, it won’t work then... It needs to be, do something horrible... or let him get away and perhaps repeat this tragedy for others. Once you’ve got your player to do one really bad thing they’ll be more likely to do more bad things... and if a player is getting frustrated with being good they’ll thank you for giving them the chance to change their ways.
Spoiler
Ok first off, you get this bullshit part where the guy your fighting isn’t the real villain, no instead there’s this other dude you’ll have to fight in the end. The problem is it became pretty clear to me that this was going to happen...
I could see how the plot twist might take you by surprise, the reason I noticed it however was precisely because they were trying to make it a surprise and only dropped the subtlest hints. Once you know the twist the clues become crystal clear, and it’s interesting replaying the start just to see what you’re would be betrayer says now that you know.
The twist is, once you’ve beaten the emperor your master appears and kills you so he can be emperor. The reason he kills you is because he trained a flaw into your style which would give him an opening. The why is how I saw this plot twist coming. Precisely because there was no why, at least not until after the deed is done. The ‘official’ hint is when you fight other masters and they comment how your style is odd and seems to have a weakness that feels more like a trick. At first I thought it must be cause I’m the main character and need some reason why I can take everyone down, but after three people mentioned it I was like “Hang on, something’s up”. Then I remembered that my Master had very little characterization, all I knew about him was that he was old, taught me, and was perhaps wise? I knew nothing of his motives, which lead me to working out the twist.
“Hey... You’re going to make him betray me in an attempt at surprise... fail...” I can’t always pick up on a character’s true intentions, but sometimes I can pick up on the writers.
Ok, so at the end you find the god of the dead, who is also the god of water and stuff. She’s a big dragon who the emperor cut open to save his land from drought, cause she bleeds water (The scene was odd cause everyone else commented how it was such a horrible scene... I’m really desensitized so I wouldn’t know). The thing is the Jade Empire was so supposed to waste away then, but the emperor broke the cycle and saved his empire. So when I went to kill the dragon so it could be reborn I knew very well that I was dooming the empire to a horrible drought, but I had a job to do. But at the ending the empire apparently thrives? I was like, the hell? I thought that was the point? Duty before even the good of the people? Bah.
Wednesday, 27 January 2010
Christmas Games
Hohoho, I got two new games for Christmas. In an odd twist these are actually sort of current games so my review might actually count for something.
Let’s see shall we?
Assassins Creed 2
Man, if you liked the first one you will love the second one. Hell if you didn’t like the first one you will probably like the second one. Unlike alot of sequels Assassins Creed 2 proves to be vastly superior to the original in pretty much every way. The combat is better, the missions are fluid and different, even the climbing has had a few upgrades, the whole game is solid and I would defiantly recommend it to anyone.
Ah, but did you notice? I just said everyone... you know what that means... This game is really easy! It’s not too much of a bad thing, cause in a game like this where there’s alot of talking and action redoing sections over and over again could easily ruin the experience, however it will never really test your abilities. When you die the game gives you a pat on the back, maybe makes a little sigh but then puts you back on the right track.
The story has you following Desmond’s escape from the Templar scientists, once away from the facility you join team geek and begin your training to become an assassin. Of course he trains by using another animus thing so he can relive the life of his ancestor Ezio, and through him learn all the skills he will need.
Ok first a couple of things came to mind when this began, first off no one gives a shit about Desmond... He’s not funny and we don’t know anything about him, so we can’t relate to him at all, but then when Lucy asks him if he wants to join them he just straight off says yes without asking any questions... I’d personally have to think about it, because all these people are INSANE. Sure I’d probably have to join them anyway, but I don’t know anyone that can make that kinda decision in under 5 seconds. But I guess he trusts them, it’s not like they’d put him in a crazy machine without telling him about the horrible side effects... oh wait, that’s exactly what they do... you’ve only yourself to blame Desmond.
Next up, is this training really necessary? At the start it feels kinda tacked on, like they couldn’t think of a better reason to send Desmond back into the animus. I mean... why not give him a gun? On that note, why do none of the templar security guards have guns? I know they want Desmond alive but they don’t care about the other ones... guns would solve them pretty quickly.
Spoilers
Ok so at the end of the game you have fisticuffs with the pope (not a joke) and its piss easy and then alot of the games secrets are revealed... and... I didn’t like them. It’s the age old trick of using a hot topic to give your story ‘deeper meaning’ but in the end it only serves to kinda offend me. Basically the gods are actually super beings/aliens who created man, but then man was like f*** you and made these weapons to fight them... then these weapons were used throughout history to brainwash/control people, so every big event in history is because of one of these weapons.
It’s annoying because the message of the game is trying to be deep but mostly boils down to, people are stupid and have to be brainwashed by lies before they’ll do anything. That’s a lack of faith in humanity that’s kinda disturbing. Of course the main thing that offends me is when it’s revealed that all religion is a lie and the gods are really just these super beings. Surprise I’m very religious so it’s no wonder I didn’t like that... It’s not enough to ruin the game for me, but it does leave a bad taste in my mouth... a game is supposed to be fun, not something that makes me sigh.
Finally, dick move Ubisoft... What happens to Ezio? At the end the super being isn’t even talking to him, it’s using Ezio to talk to Desmond in the future, ooooo... But when the message ends it shifts to Desmond and he goes off on his adventures... We don’t give a shit about Desmond! What happened to Ezio! Where’s his closure? Assholes!
Dragon Age Origins
51 Hours.
That is how long it took me to finish that game. I shouldn’t even have to mention what type of game it is... I sat down for 51 hours for this game... I think that speaks volumes about how much I enjoyed it.
But seriously the game is the son of Bioware’s earlier game, Neverwinter Nights, the marketing and some people will tell you it’s the new Baldur’s gate, for those of you who know that game, and they are wrong. This game is the sequel for Neverwinter Nights. It plays exactly the same. But this is a good thing, NWN was a great game plagued with bugs and a rather storyline that went from bad to good a little too rapidly. Dragon Age could only have happened after they looked deeply at NWN and learnt from their mistakes.
The story is sort of generic, with dwarfs, elves and other fantasy creatures you may or may not know, but it is because we already have expectations of these things that they can be developed so well. For example we all know dwarfs, loud short people with a love of fighting and ale, and in dragon age they act alot like you’d expect they would... right up until you learn about their deep, complicated and convoluted political issues. By the end of the dwarven quest I hated those little assholes.
The story is about an order of warriors called the Grey Wardens whose sole duty is to fight dark spawn and defend the world from the terrible blight. Unfortunately a new blight is coming and so new grey wardens must be gathered to fill the ranks, and you are one such recruit. When you make a character you’ll find each race has a different beginning you have to play through before you join the grey wardens and this is a great feature as it gives you some time to decide how you’re going to act in this large and troubled land.
Two thumbs up, this game’s a keeper.
Spoilers
It is of course not perfect, but pretty close... there were only a few things I was unhappy about. At the end of the game I was hoping there would be one last little plot twist, explaining more about the darkspawn and the elder gods... but there never was which was a shame... I know bioware are planning more games in this setting, so it’s easy to see why they don’t reveal something huge like that... but come on... That’s just mean.
I did however enjoy the epilogue, because something seems to always go wrong even if you had the best of intentions at the time.
Hmm, that’s annoying, I can’t think of anything else to be mad at about this game... huh....
Let’s see shall we?
Assassins Creed 2
Man, if you liked the first one you will love the second one. Hell if you didn’t like the first one you will probably like the second one. Unlike alot of sequels Assassins Creed 2 proves to be vastly superior to the original in pretty much every way. The combat is better, the missions are fluid and different, even the climbing has had a few upgrades, the whole game is solid and I would defiantly recommend it to anyone.
Ah, but did you notice? I just said everyone... you know what that means... This game is really easy! It’s not too much of a bad thing, cause in a game like this where there’s alot of talking and action redoing sections over and over again could easily ruin the experience, however it will never really test your abilities. When you die the game gives you a pat on the back, maybe makes a little sigh but then puts you back on the right track.
The story has you following Desmond’s escape from the Templar scientists, once away from the facility you join team geek and begin your training to become an assassin. Of course he trains by using another animus thing so he can relive the life of his ancestor Ezio, and through him learn all the skills he will need.
Ok first a couple of things came to mind when this began, first off no one gives a shit about Desmond... He’s not funny and we don’t know anything about him, so we can’t relate to him at all, but then when Lucy asks him if he wants to join them he just straight off says yes without asking any questions... I’d personally have to think about it, because all these people are INSANE. Sure I’d probably have to join them anyway, but I don’t know anyone that can make that kinda decision in under 5 seconds. But I guess he trusts them, it’s not like they’d put him in a crazy machine without telling him about the horrible side effects... oh wait, that’s exactly what they do... you’ve only yourself to blame Desmond.
Next up, is this training really necessary? At the start it feels kinda tacked on, like they couldn’t think of a better reason to send Desmond back into the animus. I mean... why not give him a gun? On that note, why do none of the templar security guards have guns? I know they want Desmond alive but they don’t care about the other ones... guns would solve them pretty quickly.
Spoilers
Ok so at the end of the game you have fisticuffs with the pope (not a joke) and its piss easy and then alot of the games secrets are revealed... and... I didn’t like them. It’s the age old trick of using a hot topic to give your story ‘deeper meaning’ but in the end it only serves to kinda offend me. Basically the gods are actually super beings/aliens who created man, but then man was like f*** you and made these weapons to fight them... then these weapons were used throughout history to brainwash/control people, so every big event in history is because of one of these weapons.
It’s annoying because the message of the game is trying to be deep but mostly boils down to, people are stupid and have to be brainwashed by lies before they’ll do anything. That’s a lack of faith in humanity that’s kinda disturbing. Of course the main thing that offends me is when it’s revealed that all religion is a lie and the gods are really just these super beings. Surprise I’m very religious so it’s no wonder I didn’t like that... It’s not enough to ruin the game for me, but it does leave a bad taste in my mouth... a game is supposed to be fun, not something that makes me sigh.
Finally, dick move Ubisoft... What happens to Ezio? At the end the super being isn’t even talking to him, it’s using Ezio to talk to Desmond in the future, ooooo... But when the message ends it shifts to Desmond and he goes off on his adventures... We don’t give a shit about Desmond! What happened to Ezio! Where’s his closure? Assholes!
Dragon Age Origins
51 Hours.
That is how long it took me to finish that game. I shouldn’t even have to mention what type of game it is... I sat down for 51 hours for this game... I think that speaks volumes about how much I enjoyed it.
But seriously the game is the son of Bioware’s earlier game, Neverwinter Nights, the marketing and some people will tell you it’s the new Baldur’s gate, for those of you who know that game, and they are wrong. This game is the sequel for Neverwinter Nights. It plays exactly the same. But this is a good thing, NWN was a great game plagued with bugs and a rather storyline that went from bad to good a little too rapidly. Dragon Age could only have happened after they looked deeply at NWN and learnt from their mistakes.
The story is sort of generic, with dwarfs, elves and other fantasy creatures you may or may not know, but it is because we already have expectations of these things that they can be developed so well. For example we all know dwarfs, loud short people with a love of fighting and ale, and in dragon age they act alot like you’d expect they would... right up until you learn about their deep, complicated and convoluted political issues. By the end of the dwarven quest I hated those little assholes.
The story is about an order of warriors called the Grey Wardens whose sole duty is to fight dark spawn and defend the world from the terrible blight. Unfortunately a new blight is coming and so new grey wardens must be gathered to fill the ranks, and you are one such recruit. When you make a character you’ll find each race has a different beginning you have to play through before you join the grey wardens and this is a great feature as it gives you some time to decide how you’re going to act in this large and troubled land.
Two thumbs up, this game’s a keeper.
Spoilers
It is of course not perfect, but pretty close... there were only a few things I was unhappy about. At the end of the game I was hoping there would be one last little plot twist, explaining more about the darkspawn and the elder gods... but there never was which was a shame... I know bioware are planning more games in this setting, so it’s easy to see why they don’t reveal something huge like that... but come on... That’s just mean.
I did however enjoy the epilogue, because something seems to always go wrong even if you had the best of intentions at the time.
Hmm, that’s annoying, I can’t think of anything else to be mad at about this game... huh....
Wednesday, 25 November 2009
The Trouble with Manga: Part 2
Ehg.
After yesterdays showings of what I’ve got to look forward to in anime I had to go into a massive binge of awesome anime clips.
Ah... Gaogaigar... Banish this darkness....
Hmm? Where was I? Oh yeah, things that are actually good in Manga.
Liar Game
After yesterdays showings of what I’ve got to look forward to in anime I had to go into a massive binge of awesome anime clips.
Ah... Gaogaigar... Banish this darkness....
Hmm? Where was I? Oh yeah, things that are actually good in Manga.
Liar Game
“Nao Kanzaki, an honest college student, receives 100 million yen (about $1,000,000) and an invitation to participate in something called the "Liar Game Tournament". When Nao is easily tricked by her opponent, she turns to ex-convict and genius swindler Shinichi Akiyama for help out of desperation to get the money back.”
There is so much to like about this series.
Our main character Nao is a kind and foolishly honest person, which is why it’s a tragedy she’s gotten caught up in the cut-throat tournament of Liar Game. The idea behind the game is that you use the money loaned to you in a number of games in order to steal other contestant’s money. The problem of course is the people behind the liar game expect that money back, so when you lose your put into a massive debt you can never pay off... And it’s never said what happens to losers of the liar game (But a few rather unpleasant fates are hinted at). However if you win you can expect a big pay off.
It’s a wonderful piece because it explores how far normal people are willing to go in order to con one another. You see some seriously dickish moves by some people, but before you start hating on them too much you’re reminded that they are just normal people with normal fears... and you have to ask, forced between a rock and a hard place... can you really say you wouldn’t do the same?
The characters are very well done, really making you care for people like Nao and Akiyama.
Now if it was only just good characters it would perhaps be an average one... but what sets this manga apart are the actual ‘Liar Games’. Each one is very clever, with alot of thought behind them. The key to beating these of course is to never play by the rules, and to really think outside the box when approaching them. Whenever the trick to winning is finally revealed you’re like “Oh that’s so obvious- Jesus Christ! That was so complicated! How the hell was I ever gonna work that out?”
I have yet to work out the trick for some of the bigger games... and alot of the time I have to re-read some of it just to make sense of it. The answers are not obvious or easy, there really is alot of thought placed in these games.
Break Blade
It’s a manga about giant robots. A kingdom is under attack and they have a secret mech that only one person can pilot.
That’s all very cliché, it’s probably a pass right?
I mean... Let’s see... I guess the setting’s kinda interesting, the characters are approachable and relatable... The relationships between characters are fascinating I suppose... The mech combat makes sense... the political plots are deliciously nefarious...
Yeah you should probably skip-
Holy shit this is good! I can’t remember the last time I read something that ticked almost every single box for me.
“ Rygart Arrow is the only one in his world who lacks the inherent ability to power up quartz, the energy source that makes all of the machines run. Nevertheless, he's pretty well connected. The King and Queen of his country of Krisna happen to be old college friends. But so is Zess, the guy who is leading the army of a neighboring kingdom in an attack on Krisna.
How did it comes to this? There's little time to ponder the implications as an army in giant, mechanized battle suits attacks. Arrow just feels like he's in the way - until he comes across a powerful, ancient mech that no one has yet to be able to figure out how to run. But his natural affinity for the suit's operating mechanism may just turn Arrow into the most important player of all.”
I love how instead of being ‘special’ with his own gift, Arrow instead is cursed with being... normal. In a world where machines are almost essential for everyday living, Arrow has had to grow up without the connivance's everyone else has had. While it has made him compassionate it hasn’t made him into a ‘strong’ character that never gives up, he is well aware of his own weakness’s and knows when to call it quits.
I love their approach to the mech battles, especially when our main man takes the stage. He almost has no idea what to do. That is so refreshing, as usually the main character just knows how to pilot mechs despite never being in one before. At least in this you can understand if he has some basic knowledge about it, since he did study in a military collage. But more times than not his mech gets shot to pieces, but luckily the frame of the mech appears to be semi bullet proof so it hasn’t broken down completely yet.
Hands down this is the best thing I’m reading at the moment, and if you’re looking for a well rounded and interesting story you can’t do much better then Break Blade.
Sunday, 22 November 2009
The Trouble with Manga: Part 1
Ah god damn it.
Why do I do this to myself?
Well reader if you go looking into the comic world of manga... It’s a bit like a roller coaster. At first you have the tension and excitement of slowly going up, building up to the stories crescendo, until finally you’re dropping down at break neck speeds screaming all the way. That was fun wasn’t it? Want to do another one? OK then!
Repeat a million times.
I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with roller coasters, but let me just say there’s a reason most people only go to them on special occasions and not all the time. It is because regardless of how much fun it is, too much of it will ruin the whole experience. Now I made the comparison for a few reasons, but here’s the main one:
Most manga’s are exactly the same. They all have these exact slow bits, leading up to the big dive. If I had the time I could probably prove this with mathematics. It all stems from the problem of tried and true methods of storytelling, which most media’s suffer from. In manga’s case you have the Japanese clichés and cultural jokes, there almost always in there (Nothing wrong with that of course, I mean.... It is made by Japanese people?) but there’s this story tool they use over and over again, and it’s just frustrating.
I’ll give you two examples, now I am actually reading these as there kinda good.... but every now and again I do wonder if I should carry on.
Psyren
Let’s see, how to sum this up... well here’s the synopsis anyway:
The story follows Yoshina Ageha, a high school student for hire who will solve any one of your problems for a fee of 10,000 yen. On his way home one day a payphone suddenly rings, when he answers it all he can hear is his own voice. His life is changed from this point on through a series of events as he’s drawn into a mysterious new world.
First of all our main character is introduced with his ‘part-time’ job, and I guess this is supposed to characterise him? After like the first chapter this is never mentioned again, so it makes me wonder why it’s even in the synopsis. The story is about him and a bunch of other people being taken to this strange world, and they set off trying to unravel its mysterious and get home. For those of you who do read manga, it has a very Gantz feel about it.
It’s a good story tool, because thanks to this you can place characters with very different backgrounds and motivations into a pot and see what happens. So then it’s just a matter of deciding if the story is about the characters or deeper meanings and mysteries.
Psyren is about psychic powers.
I know what you’re thinking “What? Where did that come from?” and believe me, it’s well random. The story starts off interesting like gantz but then... descends into a story about becoming powerful psychics with dragonball z like powers. You’re left wondering “Why the hell did they take this angle? It’s completely off the premise of the start of the story isn’t it?” (And we’ll get to that answer later).
*Spoilers*
Ok, so it’s actually about the future and how the world as we know it is gonna end in death and monsters. For awhile it’s still interesting because the char’s come to the conclusion that they were brought here to find out what happened in the past and stop it (At this point the whole idea of meeting new and different people is thrown away, as now we have a cast set in stone... so now none of them die.... ever).
Eventually they actually track down the one bringing them to the future and... Honestly? I wish they hadn’t. Not only does it destroy almost all of the mystery in this manga, a serious mistake to do before the end (At the point it’s revealed it’s only like 2/3 in the series, I think), but the answer is a total bitch slap to the readers face.
Ageha: If you didn’t bring us here to change the past, then why did?
Nemesis Q: ..... For shit’s and giggles.
I wish I was joking, but that’s basically what she says. Its total bullshit, and a dick move by the writer.
Then you’ve got the bad guy who is a super psychic raised in a military lab yadda yadda, you know it. He wants to destroy mankind and so on. Characters like this have always frustrated me, even when they’re done well, because it gives the writer some sort of license to demean the value of life. You know that character in the background, just minding his own business and doing some shopping? Then boom! Laser cannon through the head, just because he stepped into the background of the main characters. This always annoys me because there’s no after for these characters, no value placed on them whatsoever, there like pop corn. This always angers me cause the writer seems to be playing favourites at this point, so even if the good guy’s cause a bunch of people to die in the background there never given any flak for that. And honestly, it looks more ridiculous then anything... Oh no! The villain just killed 30 faceless people! What a monster! See if you humanized those people first then the audience would get a better feeling of the gravity of what he just did.
Another thing that pissed me off was the addition of a small girl with god-like powers that is probably the cause of all this mess, and the fact that she’s ‘too young’ to tell right from wrong. This frustrates me as a person cause I always just want to sit these little buggers down and put them straight. I don’t care if they can make my head explode, you got to show some tough love to these little shits. While I would say there’s nothing stopping you put a character in like this... it does strike me as a bit lazy. You don’t need it to be the focus of the story because other people have already done a great job at that... so otherwise if you put them in... it’s just a villain, expect you don’t have to work on any back story or motivation.
*Spoiler end*
Defence Devil
So reader, what did you notice?
Everyone who said “Massive change in overall plot” you get a gold star (Remember to keep track of how many you’ve got). There’s a very simple reason why this happens, there’s the plot the writer wants to tell, and then there’s the plot the writer has to tell. The first parts of each of these stories are tried and true methods, which translate to: Use a basic story already used before, but mix it up with one or two gimmicks. The gimmick’s are necessary in order to separate themselves from other works in the populated world of manga, it’s almost impossible to get noticed without them.
The basic idea is to hook your audience with an interesting premise, then when there already dedicated change the premise when no one’s looking. Very few people notice this, and even if they do they might already be caught in the stories traps... you have to find out what happens because you’ve put too much time into it (I.e. Me and Psyren). Why do this? Simply because the story they want to tell is usually very bland, full of the most generic fluff ever. Once you’ve got the ball rolling and a small fan base you can easily get away with being generic, I see it all the time, even in anime.
Anyone know Bleach? I thought that used to be about a High school kid fighting monsters in his spare time, in order to protect the souls of people in his town. We go through this whole monster of the week thing, but then suddenly shifts... and now it’s about conspiracies and rescuing friends, because there too ‘honourable’ to put up a fight themselves? There’s a whole bloody season without a single monster. Then it shifts back... But then they just retell the same god damn story over again, expect now you get only monsters and the good guys are exempt for most of the season.
What? Surely there’s a smoother way to tell that story? Plus your whole setting makes no god damn sense. I dare anyone to argue that point with me. Where do souls go when they die in soul society? How can you grow up in a place for dead people? Why is there a rich and poor divide in the afterlife, surely one of the nice powerful good characters would try to fix that? (Hint: they don’t) and finally, why was hell mentioned like once? Don’t you think that setting would be interesting to explore? Instead of just ignoring it?
So then, you must be asking yourself, James... If all manga is like this, why do you keep reading it?
I’ll tell you, I read it for things like Liar Game and Break Blade. Next post I’ll tell you everything good that can come out of manga.
Why do I do this to myself?
Well reader if you go looking into the comic world of manga... It’s a bit like a roller coaster. At first you have the tension and excitement of slowly going up, building up to the stories crescendo, until finally you’re dropping down at break neck speeds screaming all the way. That was fun wasn’t it? Want to do another one? OK then!
Repeat a million times.
I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with roller coasters, but let me just say there’s a reason most people only go to them on special occasions and not all the time. It is because regardless of how much fun it is, too much of it will ruin the whole experience. Now I made the comparison for a few reasons, but here’s the main one:
Most manga’s are exactly the same. They all have these exact slow bits, leading up to the big dive. If I had the time I could probably prove this with mathematics. It all stems from the problem of tried and true methods of storytelling, which most media’s suffer from. In manga’s case you have the Japanese clichés and cultural jokes, there almost always in there (Nothing wrong with that of course, I mean.... It is made by Japanese people?) but there’s this story tool they use over and over again, and it’s just frustrating.
I’ll give you two examples, now I am actually reading these as there kinda good.... but every now and again I do wonder if I should carry on.
Psyren
Blue hair, really? And that white hair, too much bleach is bad for ya.
Let’s see, how to sum this up... well here’s the synopsis anyway:
The story follows Yoshina Ageha, a high school student for hire who will solve any one of your problems for a fee of 10,000 yen. On his way home one day a payphone suddenly rings, when he answers it all he can hear is his own voice. His life is changed from this point on through a series of events as he’s drawn into a mysterious new world.
First of all our main character is introduced with his ‘part-time’ job, and I guess this is supposed to characterise him? After like the first chapter this is never mentioned again, so it makes me wonder why it’s even in the synopsis. The story is about him and a bunch of other people being taken to this strange world, and they set off trying to unravel its mysterious and get home. For those of you who do read manga, it has a very Gantz feel about it.
It’s a good story tool, because thanks to this you can place characters with very different backgrounds and motivations into a pot and see what happens. So then it’s just a matter of deciding if the story is about the characters or deeper meanings and mysteries.
Psyren is about psychic powers.
I know what you’re thinking “What? Where did that come from?” and believe me, it’s well random. The story starts off interesting like gantz but then... descends into a story about becoming powerful psychics with dragonball z like powers. You’re left wondering “Why the hell did they take this angle? It’s completely off the premise of the start of the story isn’t it?” (And we’ll get to that answer later).
*Spoilers*
Ok, so it’s actually about the future and how the world as we know it is gonna end in death and monsters. For awhile it’s still interesting because the char’s come to the conclusion that they were brought here to find out what happened in the past and stop it (At this point the whole idea of meeting new and different people is thrown away, as now we have a cast set in stone... so now none of them die.... ever).
Eventually they actually track down the one bringing them to the future and... Honestly? I wish they hadn’t. Not only does it destroy almost all of the mystery in this manga, a serious mistake to do before the end (At the point it’s revealed it’s only like 2/3 in the series, I think), but the answer is a total bitch slap to the readers face.
Ageha: If you didn’t bring us here to change the past, then why did?
Nemesis Q: ..... For shit’s and giggles.
I wish I was joking, but that’s basically what she says. Its total bullshit, and a dick move by the writer.
Then you’ve got the bad guy who is a super psychic raised in a military lab yadda yadda, you know it. He wants to destroy mankind and so on. Characters like this have always frustrated me, even when they’re done well, because it gives the writer some sort of license to demean the value of life. You know that character in the background, just minding his own business and doing some shopping? Then boom! Laser cannon through the head, just because he stepped into the background of the main characters. This always annoys me because there’s no after for these characters, no value placed on them whatsoever, there like pop corn. This always angers me cause the writer seems to be playing favourites at this point, so even if the good guy’s cause a bunch of people to die in the background there never given any flak for that. And honestly, it looks more ridiculous then anything... Oh no! The villain just killed 30 faceless people! What a monster! See if you humanized those people first then the audience would get a better feeling of the gravity of what he just did.
Another thing that pissed me off was the addition of a small girl with god-like powers that is probably the cause of all this mess, and the fact that she’s ‘too young’ to tell right from wrong. This frustrates me as a person cause I always just want to sit these little buggers down and put them straight. I don’t care if they can make my head explode, you got to show some tough love to these little shits. While I would say there’s nothing stopping you put a character in like this... it does strike me as a bit lazy. You don’t need it to be the focus of the story because other people have already done a great job at that... so otherwise if you put them in... it’s just a villain, expect you don’t have to work on any back story or motivation.
*Spoiler end*
Defence Devil
Try finding a bigger picture of this, I rather like the art.
Ok, so let’s say you got kicked out of hell for being a bit of a pussy and you lose all of your powers, what are you gonna do? Well since demon’s are powered by people’s sins you can just abuse a loop-hole where you prove some people were framed into going to hell... and... take their pretend sin power?
I know, it doesn’t make sense of paper, but that’s basically what this is about. Thanks to a good mix of great art, comedy and action scenes though it works.
The story then hits off with our devil going through different clients, learning about them and there problems, and generally seeing how nice our little devil is. We also get a few chapters about this Nun thinking our devil is evil, thus she pulls out guns and shit.... cause according to Japan nun’s are all young women prone to violence. It’s a fun little side step off the story, but were quickly back to the way things were...
.... Or not. Turns out she’s a main plot character... and there’s been a revolution in hell so our devil needs to get back home. So they team up to kick some ass!
Wait, what? When was the last time you had a client? Wasn’t there like a whole plot about there being a conspiracy to frame humans for sins? Was that only done by the five dude’s you beat? What?
Another thing while it has a hell and Christianity, at first it’s still very fantasised, but later on your hit in the face with very big Christian message... and while I guess that’s alright, it puts me off somewhat... As I like to keep my religious beliefs and my fictions separate.
------------
So reader, what did you notice?
Everyone who said “Massive change in overall plot” you get a gold star (Remember to keep track of how many you’ve got). There’s a very simple reason why this happens, there’s the plot the writer wants to tell, and then there’s the plot the writer has to tell. The first parts of each of these stories are tried and true methods, which translate to: Use a basic story already used before, but mix it up with one or two gimmicks. The gimmick’s are necessary in order to separate themselves from other works in the populated world of manga, it’s almost impossible to get noticed without them.
The basic idea is to hook your audience with an interesting premise, then when there already dedicated change the premise when no one’s looking. Very few people notice this, and even if they do they might already be caught in the stories traps... you have to find out what happens because you’ve put too much time into it (I.e. Me and Psyren). Why do this? Simply because the story they want to tell is usually very bland, full of the most generic fluff ever. Once you’ve got the ball rolling and a small fan base you can easily get away with being generic, I see it all the time, even in anime.
Anyone know Bleach? I thought that used to be about a High school kid fighting monsters in his spare time, in order to protect the souls of people in his town. We go through this whole monster of the week thing, but then suddenly shifts... and now it’s about conspiracies and rescuing friends, because there too ‘honourable’ to put up a fight themselves? There’s a whole bloody season without a single monster. Then it shifts back... But then they just retell the same god damn story over again, expect now you get only monsters and the good guys are exempt for most of the season.
What? Surely there’s a smoother way to tell that story? Plus your whole setting makes no god damn sense. I dare anyone to argue that point with me. Where do souls go when they die in soul society? How can you grow up in a place for dead people? Why is there a rich and poor divide in the afterlife, surely one of the nice powerful good characters would try to fix that? (Hint: they don’t) and finally, why was hell mentioned like once? Don’t you think that setting would be interesting to explore? Instead of just ignoring it?
So then, you must be asking yourself, James... If all manga is like this, why do you keep reading it?
I’ll tell you, I read it for things like Liar Game and Break Blade. Next post I’ll tell you everything good that can come out of manga.
Friday, 20 November 2009
Game Review: Haze
So reader, what games can you buy cheap for the ps3? Turns out Haze.
Haze
What a tragedy.Even at the low low price you can get it now I'm not sure it's worth it. That's right, it's that bad. But if there is a single reason to get it I would say it makes an excellent study in design.
The real problem with the game reader is not the bad storyline, the half-hearted gun play, or even the awful driving sections... No the real problem with this game is the fact it had the potential to be truly great. As you play it you can see all the good idea's dancing around in the background, but unfortunately there's this big ogre that keeps punching you in the face.
The story is all about you joining up to Mantel in order to fight the good fight against some truly horrible people. A hero of the people, you go out there with your super suit and enhancing drugs to liberate the people. But as your suit begins to malfunction and a world covered in gore and blood opens up to you, your left to wonder, am I really on the right side?
A good question, if it wasn't answered in all of its own adverts, and five seconds into the game. See that was only one mistake among many, if they didn't tell everyone and made it much more subtle, it could have easily been a massive twist. But no, the mantel troopers are made out to be a bunch of meat heads who tell poor jokes, and kill everything on sight. Funnily enough I actually prefered there company, cause if you let yourself get into a meat head mindset, then it really does become loads of fun just shooting/burning/exploding everyone you come across.
The main gimmick of the game is to do with your soldiers special abilities, Mantel troopers get an awesome zoom, super strength, enemies glow while your high on nectar and finally... being high on nectar. The rebels get a rolling evasion, pretending to be dead, can hide grenades in the floor (This is very rarely useful cause your always pushing forward) and can pick up any ammo and use it for their current gun. Another interesting thing with the mantel troopers is they can overdose on nectar (The rebels can also cause this with traps or a tap to the back of the suit), these are fun because you go crazy, fire at anything that moves, and sometimes pull a grenade out and blow yourself up. Sadly there is only one trap in the game that causes it, which is... eh.
Normally I'd point out what the storyteller could have done differently.... but looking at it... Honestly, while thinking the game up I think they had it. You can see the good idea's behind all the muck, so it just makes you wonder where it went wrong exactly? Was there not enough time? Cut backs? Lack of expertise? Who knows.
The badness of the game play just goes on, you hit these really irritating bits and its like, why did you even put this bit in? A good example is when you have to fight a tank.
Me: There's a tank, what do I do?
Rebel guy: You need a rocket.
Rebel guy: You need a rocket.
Me: Ok, where is it?
Rebel: Don't know, go look for it.
Me: Are you shitting me? There are infinitely respawning enemies, the tank can kill me in like one hit, there are at least twenty bland buildings it could be in!
Rebel: Down with mantel!
Another thing, the game as a Mantel is way too short... and after you join the rebels... they all shout like "Down with Mantel" and shit.... and its like "At least the mantel guys made me laugh... this sucks".
It really seems like they aimed for the moon, but got so caught up in the dream they accidentally made a machine that crushes your balls instead.
Saturday, 7 November 2009
Game Review- Pirates and Mutants
I wish I could throw up some reviews for new games, but until I stop being a lazy bastard that won’t happen. So I guess it’s time for another trip down memory lane.
Sid Meier’s Pirates
Its.... Fun.
The game is all about you going off into the new world to avenge the wrongs placed upon your family, but actually it’s about raiding the shit out of everything you see. It’s a relatively well designed game, with interesting mechanics and a well fleshed out economy.
Alot of the fighting takes place out at sea when ships start shooting each other with cannons, but if you want to be a successful pirate you have to learn how to sword fight. The reason for this is if you shoot a ship too much it sinks, while if you kill the captain in the duel you automatically win. In a way this sort of unbalances the combat way into your favour, as the smallest ship with a skeleton crew (Figuratively speaking, but it would been cool if they added ghosts and shit) can capture the biggest ship in the game if your sword skills are quick enough.
The ship battles themselves are pretty easy once you work out all the little details, to the point where you can be right next to another ship but dodge all 10 cannon balls shot at you. I did raise the difficulty, and while that kinda helped the game was still pretty easy.
I know I just bashed the game here for two paragraphs, but again I want to say that it is a fun game. I got to the point in the game where I would pass treasure ships or prosperous towns and think to myself “Hmm, That’s clearly not on fire enough for my liking...”, pretty much everyone started to hate me... But I was a pirate so I just kept burning their shit down whenever I felt like it.
It is a fun game.... But.
I wouldn’t say it’s a problem with the game itself, but rather its genre and my tastes. Free roaming. You get alot of these games these days, called sand boxes and so on, but I get the feeling I don’t enjoy these games as much as other people do. The trouble I have is the fact that I need a clear goal, there has to be an underlining reason for everything I do, and sometimes these free roaming games don’t give me that.
For me Sid Meiser’s Pirates the problem is the fact that it lacks any sort of storyline, which for some people is probably its greatest strength. I know the feeling that sometimes games can be games and nothing more, but I’m not the sort of person that applies to. Oh sure there is the whole business with finding your family and beating the bad guy, but it’s never really given any sort of gravity. The game pretty much straight up tells you “Oh this guy knows where your sister is.... but you don’t have to find him if you don’t want to.... He’s kinda far away anyway, it would be much more fun to just keep burning down towns wouldn’t it?” Other than a full score there is no real reward to following these things up... For me good games tend to give me an emotional motivation, after that I don’t need gold or good items, just a satisfying conclusion would be enough for me. But all the characters in the game (Including your avatar) are paper cut outs for you to choose to pirate or not.
After only two days of solidly playing this game I suddenly find myself unmotivated, what exactly is the point of collecting this mountain of gold? This is why I always have a problem with very open games, I hear how other people have gotten 100’s of hours out of them... but after I finish the storyline I find I have no more reason to carry on. Fun game mechanics alone do not keep me going (Unless it’s like... a megaman game) and I really do need a storyline in my games to keep me interested.
Bioshock
I really don’t like shooters.
I’ve tried, I really have, but at the end of the day it’s never happing.
I still haven’t finished Bioshock.
The graphics are good, the atmosphere is good, every good thing you’ve heard about it is true. But I will never love it because it’s a shooter. I can’t quite... describe why this is, its proving to be difficult to actually reason what I don’t like about them. I mean, I’d like to say it’s because they don’t have stories, but that’s not true is it? I’d like to say it’s the story structure that I don’t like, something about the first person perspective being restricting, or the way it follows the routine of shoot some guys, talk, shoot some guys, talk... But I played Dark Messiah and liked the story... which is structured exactly the same as modern shooter stories.
So what is it I don’t like exactly?
Honestly? I think it’s the fact I’m all alone. Most shooters are rather lonely places, filled to brim with creatures wanting to eat your face, and your only friends are either miles away or only willing to meet you for five minutes. The settings for most shooters are very hostile, and in most cases there are no ‘safe’ towns to get your bearings or to just talk about the weather. A sense of powerlessness overcomes me, and I wonder why I would ever come to a place like this.
At the start of Bioshock you crash in the middle of the ocean, saved only by a lonely lighthouse. As you explore it you find yourself in a metal orb with a switch on the wall.
I don’t think I’d ever pull it.
I would probably be the sort of person that would sit in that dark lighthouse, staring out into the sea, trying to keep hold of my hope for rescue. Only after a long desperate time would I even consider pulling the lever in the thing that clearly looks like drop pod of some sort, and I would probably instantly regret pulling it.
Now is probably a good time to mention that I am terrified of the dark. Not so much the night, or any lack of light, but rather the feeling of total isolation you get once you’re stuck in the dark with no one else around. You have to understand, I see my sense of imagination as possibly my greatest trait, but at the same time it’s the source of my greatest fear. It’s simply because I do not have an off switch for it, when I’m watching a movie I’ll tend to start going off into my own dreamland using the ideas of the movie as a bit of springboard. When I am faced with a void with no one to tell me there’s nothing there my imagination goes bonkers. It is not a pleasant experience.
The atmosphere of most shooters tends to bring up similar (But very toned down) feelings of the same sort. Unless I’m endowed with god like powers and a clear sense of invincibility I’ll not be able to finish games like this. In games I get scared easily because my imagination puts me in the feet of my character, I’m not watching someone getting their face ripped off, I am having my face ripped off!
I was able to finish resident evil 5 simply because it had coop mode, and despite how me and my friend tended to work each other up until were jumping at everything, having just a single person backing me up gave me a massive confidence boost. Hell, even when I play it online with a stranger, just because he’s there and working towards my welfare (Most of the time anyway) gives me the confidence to face any challenge.
Bioshock is all about total isolation from anything sane, and even though I’m pretty unstoppable the unpleasant feeling it gives me stops me from enjoying it.
I just want someone to talk to... Because I think the Mad Hatter is putting arsenic in my tea.
P.S. On the other hand if the roles are reversed and I’m the thing that goes bump in the night, I get a hoot out of that. Aliens vs predator 2 is a fun game.
Sid Meier’s Pirates
Its.... Fun.
The game is all about you going off into the new world to avenge the wrongs placed upon your family, but actually it’s about raiding the shit out of everything you see. It’s a relatively well designed game, with interesting mechanics and a well fleshed out economy.
Alot of the fighting takes place out at sea when ships start shooting each other with cannons, but if you want to be a successful pirate you have to learn how to sword fight. The reason for this is if you shoot a ship too much it sinks, while if you kill the captain in the duel you automatically win. In a way this sort of unbalances the combat way into your favour, as the smallest ship with a skeleton crew (Figuratively speaking, but it would been cool if they added ghosts and shit) can capture the biggest ship in the game if your sword skills are quick enough.
The ship battles themselves are pretty easy once you work out all the little details, to the point where you can be right next to another ship but dodge all 10 cannon balls shot at you. I did raise the difficulty, and while that kinda helped the game was still pretty easy.
I know I just bashed the game here for two paragraphs, but again I want to say that it is a fun game. I got to the point in the game where I would pass treasure ships or prosperous towns and think to myself “Hmm, That’s clearly not on fire enough for my liking...”, pretty much everyone started to hate me... But I was a pirate so I just kept burning their shit down whenever I felt like it.
It is a fun game.... But.
I wouldn’t say it’s a problem with the game itself, but rather its genre and my tastes. Free roaming. You get alot of these games these days, called sand boxes and so on, but I get the feeling I don’t enjoy these games as much as other people do. The trouble I have is the fact that I need a clear goal, there has to be an underlining reason for everything I do, and sometimes these free roaming games don’t give me that.
For me Sid Meiser’s Pirates the problem is the fact that it lacks any sort of storyline, which for some people is probably its greatest strength. I know the feeling that sometimes games can be games and nothing more, but I’m not the sort of person that applies to. Oh sure there is the whole business with finding your family and beating the bad guy, but it’s never really given any sort of gravity. The game pretty much straight up tells you “Oh this guy knows where your sister is.... but you don’t have to find him if you don’t want to.... He’s kinda far away anyway, it would be much more fun to just keep burning down towns wouldn’t it?” Other than a full score there is no real reward to following these things up... For me good games tend to give me an emotional motivation, after that I don’t need gold or good items, just a satisfying conclusion would be enough for me. But all the characters in the game (Including your avatar) are paper cut outs for you to choose to pirate or not.
After only two days of solidly playing this game I suddenly find myself unmotivated, what exactly is the point of collecting this mountain of gold? This is why I always have a problem with very open games, I hear how other people have gotten 100’s of hours out of them... but after I finish the storyline I find I have no more reason to carry on. Fun game mechanics alone do not keep me going (Unless it’s like... a megaman game) and I really do need a storyline in my games to keep me interested.
Bioshock
I really don’t like shooters.
I’ve tried, I really have, but at the end of the day it’s never happing.
I still haven’t finished Bioshock.
The graphics are good, the atmosphere is good, every good thing you’ve heard about it is true. But I will never love it because it’s a shooter. I can’t quite... describe why this is, its proving to be difficult to actually reason what I don’t like about them. I mean, I’d like to say it’s because they don’t have stories, but that’s not true is it? I’d like to say it’s the story structure that I don’t like, something about the first person perspective being restricting, or the way it follows the routine of shoot some guys, talk, shoot some guys, talk... But I played Dark Messiah and liked the story... which is structured exactly the same as modern shooter stories.
So what is it I don’t like exactly?
Honestly? I think it’s the fact I’m all alone. Most shooters are rather lonely places, filled to brim with creatures wanting to eat your face, and your only friends are either miles away or only willing to meet you for five minutes. The settings for most shooters are very hostile, and in most cases there are no ‘safe’ towns to get your bearings or to just talk about the weather. A sense of powerlessness overcomes me, and I wonder why I would ever come to a place like this.
At the start of Bioshock you crash in the middle of the ocean, saved only by a lonely lighthouse. As you explore it you find yourself in a metal orb with a switch on the wall.
I don’t think I’d ever pull it.
I would probably be the sort of person that would sit in that dark lighthouse, staring out into the sea, trying to keep hold of my hope for rescue. Only after a long desperate time would I even consider pulling the lever in the thing that clearly looks like drop pod of some sort, and I would probably instantly regret pulling it.
Now is probably a good time to mention that I am terrified of the dark. Not so much the night, or any lack of light, but rather the feeling of total isolation you get once you’re stuck in the dark with no one else around. You have to understand, I see my sense of imagination as possibly my greatest trait, but at the same time it’s the source of my greatest fear. It’s simply because I do not have an off switch for it, when I’m watching a movie I’ll tend to start going off into my own dreamland using the ideas of the movie as a bit of springboard. When I am faced with a void with no one to tell me there’s nothing there my imagination goes bonkers. It is not a pleasant experience.
The atmosphere of most shooters tends to bring up similar (But very toned down) feelings of the same sort. Unless I’m endowed with god like powers and a clear sense of invincibility I’ll not be able to finish games like this. In games I get scared easily because my imagination puts me in the feet of my character, I’m not watching someone getting their face ripped off, I am having my face ripped off!
I was able to finish resident evil 5 simply because it had coop mode, and despite how me and my friend tended to work each other up until were jumping at everything, having just a single person backing me up gave me a massive confidence boost. Hell, even when I play it online with a stranger, just because he’s there and working towards my welfare (Most of the time anyway) gives me the confidence to face any challenge.
Bioshock is all about total isolation from anything sane, and even though I’m pretty unstoppable the unpleasant feeling it gives me stops me from enjoying it.
I just want someone to talk to... Because I think the Mad Hatter is putting arsenic in my tea.
P.S. On the other hand if the roles are reversed and I’m the thing that goes bump in the night, I get a hoot out of that. Aliens vs predator 2 is a fun game.
Sunday, 13 September 2009
Review: Braid
Hello reader, let’s talk about a game.
Let’s talk about Braid.
Let’s talk about Braid.
Now, as far as I’m concerned I put this up with portal, because everyone loves both very deeply and I don’t know why. I remember hearing some stuff about this beautiful and possibly revolutionary game, so you have to forgive when I put the bar high. I’m not moving the bar, you are.
Now Braids a fun little game, its about.... Well... We’ll get to that in a moment. The game is a good old plat former where you jump on enemies to beat them, however the focus of braid is on time shifting puzzles. Its the sort of game where you have to actually think “OK, I’ll kill that guy now... but I might need him later.... Huh”. At any point in the game you can rewind, and there’s lots of little mechanics that make that useful, but also necessary.
Alot of puzzles are cleverly done, as for some of them you really do need to alter the way you’re thinking about the problem. By the time you’ve gotten through a few of the harder puzzles you’ll start to learn to take notice of everything around you. Although sometimes I feel it’s only a puzzle cause its using a game mechanic it hasn’t taught you how to use... and while I suppose it’s fair play its still kinda annoying, as any other game would try and teach you everything you can do right off the bat.
It’s a pretty short game, and yes... I disliked that. I suppose it’s something to do with the genre, too many puzzles and you’d be running out of ideas and just giving people the same problems over and over again... but like I’ve said before I like my games epically long... even if they’re so long I give up on the level before the end boss (and yes, Hohoho, I’ve done that more than once...). Not sure I’d pay £10 for it mind... I got it for like £3.30 on the weekend deal (Paid by a wonderful donator, she will get a nice plaque when the robots rise up and burn humanity). If you’re a serious fan of puzzle solving and want a very pretty game, you can’t really go wrong with braid. But for those other gamers out there... I dunno really... I’d never shell out £10 for anything like this... maybe you would?
Let’s put it like this, £10 for this:
Or £6 for this:
Oh yeah, you know what horse I’m betting on.
Anyway, let’s get to our favourite section, the story.
Huh.... I.... Does Braid even have a story? I don’t know? Maybe? Could just be a poem? In a clever disguise. Let’s get this out of way, I am very bad with surreal plots. I watch these ‘edgy’ films harbouring deeper meanings and see people gleefully go off about the emotions of rainbows, but it’s all Greek to me man. It goes like this:
Normal Person: A surreal moment happens that makes the audience think on a deeper subject, thus enriching their lives.
Me: A moment happens.
It’s like my brain can’t actually compute it, it has to make sense. If you see a butterfly falling down onto a flower, maybe you’ll think about birth or the beauty of life, I will think about the butterfly falling onto the flower and then wondering why were wasting time on an event that has nothing to do with the story. Now when something really crazy happens, the sort that’s so flipped out it can’t make any sense, I instantly try to make sense of it.
Braid is basically one long surreal moment. I won’t bother telling you any of it, just so that I don’t spoil anything for those of you who like to look deeply into things. As for me I basically came to the conclusion that it was about a drunken Irishmen who beats his wife and dreams of settling down with his perfect women instead.
Now here’s the mind blower, does that make me racist? Or the game racist?
(If the answer is me, I’m like... ¼ Irish, so I can get away with it)
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