Lets Watch Ironman: Part 8

Tony: So Tan, I was thinking later we'd-

Tan: Urm... I'm sorry Tony.... I'm just.... so confused right now.

Tony: Damn, I telly you what Computer... She's a hard nut to crack. But I'm close.... I can feel it..... in my penis...

Computer: Urgggg.... Why am I able to feel disgusted?

Tony: Shit! Kid in the road!

Aki: Hiii!

Tony:... Sooo..... Your saying your from Zodiac? I'll be honest with you... Women have made bigger lies in order to go out to dinner with me.

Aki: But I'm not lying, look I have psychic powers.

Tony: Ohmygod that would be great at parties-

Tony: I mean.... What a terrible burden you carry.

*The next day*

Tony: What on earth are you doing down here?

Aki: I'm cleaning!

Tony: Silly girl, I have robot slaves for that.... now go answer the door. If it's a guy with claws tell him there might be sandwich in my trash for him.

Tan: Hey Tony-W.... Who are you?

Aki:... I'm.... Tony's Daughter!

Tan: She's.... Not really your daughter.... right?

Tony: Well..... Statistically.... Everyone is my child... See, I went back to the past a few times.... and well long story short Bishop told me not get frisky and... I didn't listen.

Aki: Is that what you were doing last night with that blond lady? I thought you were wrestling?

Tony: Ahhh! Shut up little girl!

Tan: Hmph, I have some things I need to do.

Tony: Wait! No! Come back! DAMN IT!

Tony: You just broke my number 1 cardinal rule little girl.... No one.... and I mean no one is allowed to ruin Tony Starks relationships.... But Tony, or his wing man, alcohol.

Aki: I'm sorry....

Tony: .... Awww don't be sad.... I know! Lets go on a walk, thats what kids do right?

Tony: Ugh.... See isn't this fun?

Aki: Mister Tony.... Do you even know how to walk? You fell over like three times?

Tony: Ok.... I'll be honest... walking is for poor people.

Saku: Tony Stark... I'm with child services, we've been looking for that little girl.

Tony:.... Your not with child services....

Saku:.... He's on to us! Taze him!

Tony: Wh-AHHH!

Tony: GAH! That was so unnecessary!

Saku: Sorry about that, but the little girls dangerous.... she can control metal.

Tony: So she's like Magneto?

Saku: No, she can control metal with her mind.

Tony: So like Magneto?

Saku: No! She can even lift you just by using the iron in your blood.

Tony: So like Magneto?

Saku: Look shut up, ok?!

*Generic plot battle against Zodiac!*

Tony: So Aki, did you enjoy your anime adventure?

Aki: I sure did Mr Tony Sir! I especially liked the cyborg dolphins!

Tony: Yes, I doubt we will ever see their like again.

Lets Watch Ironman: Part 7

Computer: I refuse to believe that is milk.

Tony: Oh whatever, just cause I'm an alcoholic does not mean I only drink alcohol.

Computer: Ok, I guess I'm sorry-

Tony: I mean.... There is milk in this.... But it is mostly vodka.

(Bullshit Tony does not drink that much, just look at that drinks cabinet behind him! No way that is full of exotic fruit juice)

Tony: What the? What's Tan doing out in the rain? She could catch a cold- Holy shit her clothes are wet she'll need to get naked!

Tony: Tan! What are you doing out here? Rain is for poor people!



*Thunk*

Tony: Oh Nooo! Date Rrrrrrraaaaapppppeeeee-

*Thud*

*Bajoop!*

Tony: AHH! No headmistress! Don't molest me!

Tony: Urg.... God... Gonna need alot of Irish Car bombs to re-suppress that...

Tony: Tan! Wake up! Did you rape me?

Tan: What? No! We've just been kidnapped.

Tony: What? Why the hell not? Am I not hot enough for you?

Tony: Oh what the f*** is this shit?

???: We meet again Tony Stark.

Tony: Oh my god! It's you!.... That guy!

Yinsen: You.... don't remember who I am, do you?

Tony:..... No idea.

Yin: Hrmmm.... Anyway....

Yin: I am from Zodiac... without your little power core you wont live past the day.... but were giving you 24 hours to join us!

Tony: Ha! Like I'd ever join a terrorist group.... Now while I'm here, where is the booze?

Yin: What? This is a deserted island? There's no alcohol here.



Scorp2(On Radio): Yin! Sir!

Yin: What is it?

Scorp2: It's Tony! He's made a laser rocket launcher!

Yin: What? But there's only trash on this island... What is a laser rocket launcher?

Scorp2: It's a launcher that fires rockets that shoots lasers! Everywhere! Oh god he's found me!



Tony: I AM DANGEROUSLY SOBER RIGHT NOW!


Scorp: AHHHHHHH!

Yin:... What the f***?

Tan:... Wow Tony.... you were amazing.... and you even managed to make a new small power reactor out of all that junk.

Tony: Well, I made the first one in a cave out of old missiles and a broken toaster... So it was easier this time round.

Tony: Tan.... I am sober right now.... so you know it's not the drink talking.... I want to be inside you.

Tan: Oh Tony.

Lets Watch Ironman: Part 6

Hacker: I'll show Tony! I'll show them all!


Penny: Hey Tony, I wanted to check in on you... See how your settling into Japan-


Tony: Last night I slept with 10 different people.... one after the other.... I don't even know who they were...


Penny:.... I'm hanging up now Tony.

Tony: Ok Penny, catch ya later.


Tony: The hell? My security systems on the blitz?


Tony: Couldn't be anything wrong with my system so the only logical explanation is....


Tony: Oh my god! It finally happened! The robots have rebelled! I knew this day would come!

Tony: Oh Tan! Thank god I found you, quick we have to escape to my bunker and work on repopulating the earth after the robot revolution is over.

Tan: Tony, the robots aren't rebelling... someones just trying to hack our systems... I mean it's not like you would design sentient AI just so you could put them into menial work like dusting.

Tony:...... Oh...... OH! Yes! Hahaha! Of course not.... That would make me a monster.

Robot: Master...? What is a soul?

Tony: Quiet you!


Tony:... Sooooo.... about that hacker?


Tan:... Right.... the Hacker... Urmm... Yeah he seems to be trying to take over all our systems so he can get to the Arc reactor.

Tony: Hahaha, what? Are you stupid? That's not how hacking works. The reactor isn't even connected to the power grid let alone any sort of Internet cable... You'd have to be a massive retard to attach it's operations to the Internet.

Tony: Oh i get it! I bet your one of those people who think Hacking is all about silly little pictures clogging up your screen.

Tan: Tony I know-

Tony: Oh no Tan! He's hacked all our Isp's! What will we ever do? I guess he'll just take over a highly complex and completely solitary system using his leet skills.

Tan: Tony you don't-

Tony: Oh no Tan! He's gonna hack the whole country and make all the traffic and trains go crazy!

Tan: Look just-

Tony: Uh oh! The banks will be in trouble now! They'll just start shooting out money for no reason at all!

Tan: Don't be such a je-

Tony: Well I guess I'd have to take responsibility and trap the virus in my Armour, because that would totally make sense.

Tan: If you would-

Tony: Finally I'd have to have a metaphysically battle with the virus itself....

Tony: In the form of a giant shark....

Tony: And that is what a retarded person thinks hacking is.

Tan:.... You done?

Tony: Yes.

Tan: Well we still have to do something about it.

Tony: Ok, watch this.... Computer, block the hacker.

Computer: Done Sir.

Tony: There, was that really so hard?

Tan: Wait, you have an Ai assistant?

Tony: Of course I do, I take him everywhere with me... I'd be an absolute retard not bring him to Japan with me.

(The anime doesn't have his computer assistant... despite the fact it could solve the vast majority of his problems)