Tuesday, 28 July 2009

Malaysian Adventures

Well reader I’m away in Malaysia at the mo, so I wouldn’t expect any new posts for at least a week, but since I knew your life would cave in without me I decided to drop you a line of what I’m up to.

I’ve been to Malaysia plenty of times and tend to arrive in Singapore for a few days before leaving for the island of Penang for the rest of my holiday. Have you heard of Singapore reader? I imagine you’ve at least heard of it somewhere since it’s a big business location but you really have to experience Singapore for yourself.

For example any that has been to Singapore will understand this joke:

Singapore is a fine city.

I shall explain this for you uncultured readers out there. Basically Singapore deals with their criminals by making them poor because every time you break a law you get a pretty hefty fine. You can actually get a fine for a lot of things it turns out. For example you know how they say you’ll get fined for drinking, eating, smoking etc in England? Nobody really takes it seriously and even if you are fined you’ll lose like £30 tops... In Singapore they take it pretty seriously, and for example if they see you dropping chewing gum on the floor you can expect to lose £250.

There is a pretty hilarious t-shirt you can get that names some of the sillier fines you can get (Like pissing in an elevator, heh).

When you go to Malaysia another thing becomes pretty clear, you know customer service right? It’s pretty much bare, people will give you like a menu and leave it at that, in places like Malaysia however if your waiter isn't going out of his way to make your day better he could probably get fired. It’s very pleasant when you raise your hand for something and they are fricken there, fast as they can. Same goes with taxies for some reason... raise your hand next to a road and bam! There’s a taxi.

But there are things that are a bit unpleasant and awkward.

Readers have you ever gone to a country where white people aren’t a majority? Then have you ever walked around by yourself? Honestly the stares you can get from some people. In England if you get stared at is because you’ve done something like dyed your hair green etc... and even if you wear the silliest thing you always feel a part of the crowed. Everyone sees you in Malaysia so it’s pretty important not to do anything stupid.

Also since your white you are obviously stupid. As in you’ll buy anything cause you’re a tourist and don’t know any better. Now I’ve been to Malaysia enough to know what’s what, but they’ll always assume your stupid and buy anything.

But I forgive the last guy who did this to me cause he got me to buy a film about Muay Thai basketball. Not a hard sell.

Wednesday, 22 July 2009

Review: Portal


It is a good. I can certainly see why everyone raves about it. The mechanics are brilliant and if you listen to some of the commentary you actually get an idea how hard it was to actually make portal gameplay alongside a physics engine.

For those of you not interested in games, portal is about you being stuck in some sort of automated experimentation lab. But don’t fret, they don’t do any of those biological experiments on you, they probably did that while you were sleeping anyway. It’s your task to follow the computers advice and get through the tests in order to get out and get some cake.

Did I mention the computer is trying to murder you?

The dialogue is very funny and is probably the best part of the game and you really have to hear it yourself to appreciate it.

For those of you that are interested in games let me warn you, this is a very friendly game. Of course the things in the game are not friendly, when a gun turret asks if you are there do not politely respond, but there is no real difficulty to the main game and you’ll probably breeze through it in a few hours. People have said that’s a good thing it’s short because then the portal mechanic doesn’t get dry and boring but let’s be honest here, do you want to play short games? Is this what you’ve signed up for? If it is I might suggest there is something wrong with you.

See what I’ve come to understand from games is that they can be long and glorious and that makes them very memorable for me. Sure in some I could trudge through the same god damn mechanic over and over until my eyes fall out, but good games will have a pay off at the end that suddenly makes it all worthwhile. I’m afraid to but I do feel myself leaning back on the old argument for “bang for your buck”, when I buy a game I want to feel like I’ve made the right choice because I do not have infinite cash.

Now reading this you’re probably thinking “But James, portal comes in the orange box right? That’s got like three other games in it!” and you’re right, I would have to say alongside those it is a good deal. Would I ever buy portal on its own? Nope.

Lets also get something out of the way while were here, I am not a shooter fan. Reader... Do you know what it is like to browse the internet for games only to learn that all the new ones are... guess what? Shooters. If you don’t understand my grief let me put it like this, look up all the games your looking forward to and replace them with a new Barbie horse adventure... Do you now understand why I could be irritated?

The only time I play shooters is if it is with my friends, and only because it usually descends into hilarity. I’m actually playing bioshock at the moment, hailed as one of the recent greats, but I’m having trouble wanting to play it... It used to freak the hell out of me but that stopped around the time I found the shotgun (It makes the bad people go away). So leading away from that how much of a valve fan do you think I am? Just think about all the games they’ve made. Yeah. So you’ll have to forgive me if I don’t really care about the sorts of innovations they make for their genre. I did play half-life and it was good... just not the game for me. Also don’t you dare say portal isn’t a shooter, trust me, it is.... Just not the kind people are used to.

Back on topic for those of you looking for some actual challenge there are actually some advanced maps that are very hard. But how long they last depends on your staying power divided by your frustration.

Spoiler’s I guess coming... You can’t really spoil a game like portal in my opinion but whatever:

There are these sorts of secret rooms with writing on the wall about past testers going mad and so on, and then you have the companion cube which... It’s a bit of a weird bit cause their trying to be funny about how people in these sorts of environments would start treating the cube like a person and so on... so when you have to throw it into a fire you get this idea that crazy people would consider it murder...

Honestly? They missed a beat with that.

What I mean is they should have given you the companion cube from the start. Should have set it up in a way that the cube seems almost like your partner. Then it should have given you the choice to throw it into the fire. Games should never pass up the chance to make their audience question their sanity when they feel bad for putting a metal cube in a fire.

If the game also had much more length people could have started wigging out and shit, that would have made it far more memorable.

Spoiler end.

To sum up my feelings on portal “Wow this is really fun, I can’t wait until they make a game out of this”

Thursday, 16 July 2009

Summer Anime 2009

Well reader it’s time to check out the anime I’ve started watching from this new season. I didn’t watch much, but what I did watch is good... so that’s something. And no, I’m not watching those ones I know are terrible, I know it would probably be funny to read about my suffering but were not doing that.

Umineko no Naku Koro ni

Haha! Murder! Awesome.

If you’re a horror/detective fan then I’d say you’d enjoy this series, but wait till your done watching episode 2 before you decide.

The first episode is merely an introduction to the characters, the familys background blah blah blah. Honestly you’re not likely to remember any of their names but so far that hasn’t become a problem since their all different so you can’t confuse them with each other. Of course since this is an anime they’ve dropped in the usual stuff of boobs and a bit of a perverted lead, but it becomes much better if you can sort of blank him whenever he starts being a perv. We’ve also got a creepy little girl that makes this random noise, hurray!

Some other blogs have said how she’s really annoying (or creepy) with her little noise but honestly? Characters making strange and irritating noises have stopped bothering me now, it just doesn’t get to me anymore. If you asked my friends they’d probably say this is because I make random noises during conversation as well... so in a way I am kin to these characters. She does however have a headband with a tiny black crown on it... That’s awesome, I love tiny crown.

Anyway the story revolves around the fact that dad is old and probably going to die soon, so kiddies want to spilt the money. We also learn that the legend of the family is that they got gold bars from a witch, cause that totally wouldn’t be a stupid idea. I mean they all have a bit of laugh of how silly the story is, but frankly seeing as how the father is crazy as a hamster in a helium balloon I’m sorta leaning to the idea that she might be real... and being a witch sort of keen on doing unkind things to them.

In episode 2 everything is fine forever.

Oh wait, a bunch of them died... I guess not then.

HAHAHA, they totally have their faces smashed/cut off, awesome.

Element Hunters

I recently learnt that the show is actually a sort of a roundabout way of teaching kids the periodic table, and I have to say I wish I had this show when I was learning it.

It’s crazy fun viewer, defiantly aimed at our younger brethren but I still get a kick out of it. I mean hell it’s got haunted castles, space bases, a little android friend, a kid called homie and random waterfalls that appear out of nowhere.

I think my favourite scene is defiantly when the first kid jumps onto these pretty looking flowers, which then explode when he makes contact with them, then as their talking their like:

“Well... We could have a look around- Oh f*** a dragon! AHHH!”

Haha... Ah... Simple pleasures indeed.


Now I didn’t preview this one cause I was pretty sure it was gonna be some serious fighting thing... and bleh I wasn’t interested.

Turns out its funny as hell.

Now extreme warning reader, if you are not already very familiar with anime this show is not for you. If you want to put someone off anime this would be a good start, as it’s very extreme. Even if you do watch anime this show might be too extreme for you.

Did I mention it’s extreme?

Let me sum it up, every attack they have to shout something... our first example in fact is:


Yeah. The whole show begins with the bad guys killing like 4000 people, cause their Extreme. It’s a very fast paced show and you definitely need to be used to reading subtitles very quickly. There’s also no point trying to make sense of it, rather than stumbling over its plot holes it decides to get around them by EXPLODING them!

Our main fighter, ADAM BLADE (Awesome name), is made instantly cool by one single act when we first meet him, I won’t spoil it cause it’s awesome and funny.

Yeah so if you couldn’t stand anything I just wrote you won’t like this series, if you did you’d probably get a kick out of it. The show did make me sad however because it killed off my favourite character in the second episode... He had the best line “Its a magic!” and they put a drill through his chest... I mean come on... That’s harsh... He was only a kid... Sure he was trying to murder you but still... Harsh.

Last warning... yeah... The end sequence? Watch out for that... Yeah...

Wednesday, 15 July 2009

Anime: Kemono No Souja Erin

I have a problem.

Admitting it is the first stage of recovery right?

Couple of days ago I stormed into Japans office and I told him straight up that I’m done with him.

“I don’t have to take shit from you Japan, you cannot treat me this way. All you do is call me names, delay the release for things I want, or trick me in to watching something completely awful. Well I’m done Japan, so Ha! I’ll not be your little bitch anymore.”

Japan puts on a sour face and leans back in his comfortable chair only to smile.
“Oh well... That’s too bad... I guess you won’t want these new episodes of kemono no souja erin then” He starts to turn his chair around ready to wait patiently for my return. He doesn’t wait long.

“N... new episodes?”

“Hmm? Oh yes... There’s actually five of them out now... Huh, weird that... But you don’t want to watch them so it’s fine”

“W-w-w-wait... Lets not... Hehe... Let’s not get crazy here... Didn’t... Didn’t you know I was joking? Hahaha! Funny wasn’t it!”

“Hmmm... I don’t know... you sounded pretty serious”

“Ah... Ah... It... It... It was a bet! HAHAHA! Silly bet right? HAHAHA! Just... give me the episodes... please....” Japan smiles down at me.


I do it. I dance for Japan. It is a sad pathetic dance but I do it all the same, cause I’d do anything to get my next fix of kemono no souja erin.


What’s that reader? You haven’t watched kemono no souja erin? Well that’s complet-


Go out there and watch it now! Why aren’t you doing it?! Do you want me to kill you? Because by not watching it you become a sort of half person, and I must save you from your misery. With fire.

You want convincing? I should kill you now... But alright, I’ll do my best.

I think the best way to prepare you for this is to first visit the restaurant of stories again. Look all around you and you will see people eating these hot and spicy meals. Some of you will look at these meals and think they just look weird, others of you may be put off by the taste because you’re not used to it. What you need to understand reader is that these things are the stable diet of anime fans, especially those of us from the west. A lot of these meals are usually made up of sugar and hot spices, sometimes just the one or both, and many people have grown to prefer one taste over another.

I have to say that these are bad for your diet, the trouble with the spice is everyone tries to make theirs hotter and only a few actually do it, sugar is put in pretty much everything and it becomes the background taste for all your meals. Considering the frequency of these things the anime diet will rot your brain and frankly most of it is junk food, and after if you try to eat anything different you’re put off because it’s not familiar.

I am sitting somewhere in middle eating my kemono no souja erin and crying dear reader, I am actually crying into my food. The others look at me oddly wondering how such a bland meal, devoid of sugar and spice, is giving me such a reaction. They cannot understand reader because they have ruined their taste buds with junk food and don’t know how to eat delicate and perfect little meals. I put a piece in my mouth and it’s so smooth and soft reader, you can almost imagine the show patting you on the back warmly and telling you that the sun will always shine.


I’d like to try and sum the story up for you reader, but in a sense I would be ruining the journey for you, cause kemono no souja erin is an evolving story. The show is supposed to be around 50 episodes and if you say that is too much you are a deviant who should be culled, because how can you tell a deep meaningful story if you don’t have the time to tell it?

Well let’s see... I’ll try my best with an opening.

Erin is a small girl from a village that raises these giant lizard/dragon things called Touda’s. These Touda’s are incredibly important for their nation because their used in the army to fend off other nations. Erin’s mother is one of the caretakers for the Touda and our story begins with us following Erin along on her journey of learning about animals and how the world around her works.

I honestly don’t want to say more than that because the story just develops at a fantastic rate, letting you sit back and be cuddled by it. But don’t forget reader, there’s no sugar in here (Or Anime sugar at least) so while everything sounds like it’ll be fine forever... life... never really goes that way.

Monday, 13 July 2009

Lazy Days- Followed by Starvation


I’d write about lots of things but to be honest I haven’t actually done anything interesting lately. It’s a sad state of affairs but sometimes I just go into deep states of complete boredom, using funny videos from the internet to keep me from falling back into my ancient slumber.

I suppose I could tell you about some of the anime I’ve watched... Or the manga I’ve read... or the games I’m looking forward to... But let’s be honest, do you really care? Well of course you do, you are a pawn in the great machine of life and need someone ‘hip’ to tell you what’s cool and what’s not.

Hell I’ll give you two for free:

Not supporting Maestro cards so I can’t buy your crap is not cool.

Top hats that hold parrots inside of them are awesome.

But I do tire writing about the same god damn things, especially since they all seem to relate to fricken Japan, which I loathe now but keep going back to like a crack addict.

I’ll tell you what, let’s talk about industry. Let’s say you wrote an amazing story for a movie or a game, feel pretty proud don’t you? Your story even helps make the product a massive hit. Your content with yourself and like a responsible adult you let it go, because that story is finished.

But on a rainy starless night there comes a knocking on your door.

Tap tap tap.

Slowly you open the door and see a hunched over ‘thing’ covered by a dark cloak, and as you recoil in horror it laughs at you and gives you an impossible choice.

Yes, it seems your bosses don’t want to lose the ‘franchise’ and wish you to make a sequel. When you tell them that the story is finished they look at you confused, as if you started talking in an alien language. But then they understand, nod their heads and say “Oh we get it, don’t worry then... you don’t have to work on it”.

This has been a trend in big name titles for years, I would even say for my entire life, where the reasoning goes “Well the first one was a hit so the second one will be”, or “Whoa, glad the first was a success cause now we can start work on the sequels”. Even when a story has been clearly finished a producer can find a way to breathe forbidden life into its corpse, but such an action leads to what I like to call one of writings greatest fears. You can either suck up your pride and dignity and work on the sequel, or you can let it go and have someone else touch and prod your work inappropriately.

To me this would be the worst thing ever. I could never extend a story past the point I had taken it, but I also could never give it to anyone else. The problem you see dear reader is that usually my endings involve death because as I see it life is a story and so death can only be its true end, so right off the bat continuing one of my stories would be pointless. But don’t forget death doesn’t just apply to characters, the death could belong to the concept of the story or something like that... to the point all the characters might as well be dead because everything has now been said and done. On the other hand the thought of giving my characters away sort of sickens me to the core. No matter how talented the new writer is they are a different person... I could map out the entire story for them and still it would turn out as their creation... not mine. The world would have their sequel, but it would be from a parallel universe populated by the shadows of the characters they once knew.

Writers in the ‘big business’ get faced with this dilemma alot and I suggest you go out and find an example of this somewhere... find an interview with the original creator of a series that has been given to another and read it. Can you not see the sadness and regret in their somewhere?


Now with that sad tale out of the way let’s have a big angry rant to cheer ourselves up.


Why do you keep making sequels for things you don’t need to! You crush creativity in a world of blandess! I name you Blukter, crusher of ideas! Horrible fiend!

Don’t get me started on f***ing Reboots, they are the worst of all. Do you know what I hate most reader? F***ing reboots. There’s a very simply reason as to why, it doesn’t matter if there good (Like the new batman films, which are good... But I don’t care, Grah!) same stories do not nourish me. Oh I bet you thought I was kidding about the whole story eater thing... I bet you were like “Huh, he’s trying to be clever... drawing parallels between the necessary act of eating and finding new stories” well I wasn’t, I quite literally consider them part of my daily diet.

Let me put it like this, before you is a plate with a delicious cake. You eat the cake, it is good. A man walks up to you, takes the plate but then immediately puts it back in front of you. You look up at him questioningly and ask what is he doing and he replies “I saw how much you enjoyed that cake so I decided to serve it to you again” you look back down to the plate yet there is nothing there, you have already eaten that cake. You look around the room and see people eating from the same plates again and again, but there is nothing on their plates and with horror you realise their starving to death.

(See? That above was me trying to be clever by basically saying you’re creatively ‘staving’ by being fed the same thing again and again)

It’s not a simple matter of merely finding the same kind of cake, for the new cake can have the exact same layers and tastes but at the end of the day it is a different cake... and perhaps you’ll find something in it you weren’t expecting, perhaps it will even be good. The point is I can’t eat things I have already eaten, not unless I cut open my stomach (But what’s the point of that?).

Let’s go with the batman example.

Oh look, they rebooted batman.

Oh look, I don’t care.

Ok I’ll do it seriously, hehe. Hey a new batman film, why it’s a reboot I believe? Well look at that, its Batman doing cool Batman things... But ... We already knew this? We know batman and his many forms already... from the totally camp to the totally badass... why... why do we need to be reminded that Batman’s cool?

Basically from a creative stand point all it does it tell us that Batman’s cool. It can’t help us explore our own ideas of being a vigilante like batman... because the first comic/film did that. So exactly what does this film add at all to the mind? Don’t give me that crap about it being for a generation that’s not familiar with batman, it’s not that hard to go back and find your old things that made you like batman and show the kiddies that.

For a long time now Batman’s story has been finished for me, thanks actually to the batman cartoons. Not that new one, bleh. The cartoon was amazing and they did the sequel, batman in the future. But what’s interesting is that the real last episode is from the Justice league, which basically explains everything and gives Bruce the best farewell. For me that finished Batman simply for the reason that the cartoons held consistency, which is why I’ll never read comics.

Batman’s story has ended for me, and it was good. Why are you trying to make me watch it again? It will merely taste the same.

Friday, 10 July 2009

Sins of a Solar Empire

Accessing Hyclon Database
Search: Yuda Adilet
Classified: Requires Level Scorpion security clearance
Access granted

Subject 10187
Name: Yuda Adilet
Date of Birth: The 3rd day of the 7th Moon
Age: 27
Code Name: Fire Starter

Six logs found, opening all of them:

Log 1 by Professor Suminar

Subject 10187 was first discovered on his home planet of Nekrishnah at the age of nine years old, far from the voice of the unity the planet of Nekrishnah had fallen into deep decay and decadence which explains why the subject had not been culled as would be the proper action on the unties more enlightened worlds.

Subject showed signs of the rare mental disease Mengulus Toponmos, otherwise known simply as “The Agony”. The subject was brought to the orders attention after illogical riots begun on Nekrishnah, and after extensive investigation the child was found to have been the cause of the contamination to the voice of the unity there. Three quarters of the populace of the planet was purged in order to halt the spread of the disease and a null collar was placed upon the child in order to separate it from the unity.

The order debated much after the incident and it was finally decided that the subject be brought to an isolated lab in space so that the disease could be monitored and tested on until a cure was found. In the early days of experimentation two lab teams were lost to disease but a breakthrough had been made, while the disease had not been cured the science teams managed to mutate it into something else entirely.

Log 5 by Science officer Deldano

In its original state the carrier of Mengulus Toponmos would send out waves of psychic impulses which connected directly to the pain receptors within the brain, this would in turn cause affected subjects to act irrationally. It has been previously documented that most carriers are usually unaware of the disease but it seems they do normally suffer from mental imbalances. Subject 10187 seems no different in this regard and suffers fits of deep psychosis which results in visions of extreme violence and pain, and I do not mind mentioning that I am deeply disturbed by some of the images that leak from him during testing.
Thanks to our work however the disease has mutated into a fair less threatening state, which we hope will allow us to examine it in safety.

Log 13 by Science officer Deldano

*Bzzt* ran away into my office... The others have *Bzzt* can’t keep it out of my head... They’re everywhere!

*Bzzt*The disease has been changed yes, but... into something horrible... I’ve tried my best to *Bzzt* but it won’t be long until I end up like the others. We thought we could control it... but the stupid boy wouldn’t cooperate! He just keeps thinking... and thinking... He shares those terrible thoughts with us... I... I don’t want to hear these things! *Bzzt*

AHHH! Calm down! Calm down! My skin is not on fire... My skin... is not... on fire... My skin-AAHHRRG! *Bzzt*

Log 27 by New Science Officer Jilmandra

Things have been going alot smoother ever since we taught the subject an old song, it is important because the tune has a calming effect on members of the unity and we’ve been able to carry out our tests without cutting off the subject from the unity. Whenever he stops thinking of the tune the new science team has been commanded to activate his null collar.

Progress has been moving forward at an acceptable rate and it has been suggested that the subject has various military applications.

Log 34 by Science Officer Jilmandra

Thanks to the orders funding we’ve been able to get our hands on a prototype for a new psychic amplifier suit. While the subjects psychic powers seem to lack variety none can dispute the fact that thanks to the mutation he has indeed become very powerful, and it is our hope that the suit can extend his powers even further to effect entire worlds.

We’ve attached a failsafe onto the suit of course should the subject wish to be uncooperative, and with a push of a button his null collar can be activated. The pain and despair the subject shows upon losing the voice of the unity has taught him obedience and I like to show the younger scientists his reaction to losing the voice, I feel it puts them in their place quite excellently.
Log 35 by Science Officer Jilmandra

The testing went well. The subject, as I expected, demonstrated a massive amount of control considering how far his powers have come and was able to effect minds way past the reaches of the science station, even going so far as to effect areas on the neighbouring planet. Considering if things went badly the casualty list could go into the millions I feel this went very well.

His training is complete and I daresay his zeal for the cause of the unity is almost admirable.


Military drafting of Subject 10187:

Subject known as Yuda Adilet is to be given command of the 12th fleet of the Scagrose system using his command ship “The Horror”.

*Warning* Subject is imbalanced, if subject is suspected of going into psychosis captains are to disregard subjects orders *Warning*

Subject will always be accompanied by his close advisor Jrygal to see that the will of the unity is carried out.

*Warning* If subject is ever without advisor Jrygal, subject is to be shot on sight *Warning*

Subjects capital ship is to be given the utmost support when attacking planets, for when the correct components are gathered subject can use his powers to provoke massive hysteria on enemy worlds.

Glory to the Unity!

Tuesday, 7 July 2009

The King of Chains

Opening the old brown door Joseph stepped into the lair of the old women. He’d heard many rumours about the so called oldest witch and he knew that he risked much going to her, but he needed her ancient knowledge for the fight ahead of him. Before he was in an old store of forgotten trinkets but after stepping through that door Joseph found himself in a dark and damp cave.

Waving his hand in front of him Joseph summoned the spirit of the lamp to light his path. A small bright orb appeared in front of him and began zipping around him letting out a childish laugh, but as Joseph stepped forward the laughing stopped and the spirit took its place in front of him. Walking deeper into the cave Josephs senses were assaulted with an old musty smell of damp books, looking down he could see the floor had been covered with old books made damp by a small stream flowing down into the cave.

A terrible shriek filled the cave and Joseph tensed up, getting ready for anything.
“Who has stumbled into my web? Went the spider to the fly, Hehehe” Squinting his eyes ahead he couldn’t make anything out of the darkness ahead. Raising his hand up Joseph showed his palm to the darkness.

“Do not try anything foul creature, I need only think it and you will be destroyed” A spiral pattern began to glow on his palm, but the darkness merely cackled back at him.

“Ooohh! A summoner has come to pay me a visit! It’s been so long since one of your kind has come to me... now what can auntie do for you my child? Hehehe”

“You know of the duels correct? Soon I will be facing against someone who can summon the one called Kaiadas” the shriek sounded again yet this time was mixed with a terrible cackling, the noise made Josephs ears hurt.

“Hohoho! Hehehe! You would fight the King of Chains! I thought you brave enough for merely coming to me... but to fight that creature... it seems bravery is ever the mask of the fool! Hehehe!”

“Witch! I stand by your ancient contract, you must answer my question! Tell me everything about the King of Chains!” The terrible noise stopped abruptly and for a moment Joseph thought she had left.

“.... No need to get impatient son... auntie will answer your question... The story of Kaiadas is a long and sad one... and for us ancients it haunts us still”


Long ago in the realm you call the spirit world there existed a kingdom of shining glory called Nolybab. It was not as grand as the water spirits realm, nor as perfect as the realm of the fey but still it was a shining beacon for hope and justice against the darkness. It was here the spirit worlds greatest warriors were born and raised within the order of the golden flame.

Kaiadas was the greatest of them.

The pinnacle of martial and magical might Kaiadas would descend from the heavens to beat back whole armies from the realms of darkness. Yet Kaiadas was a humble knight who gladly served his monarch in their mission of protecting the realms against any invader. It is truly sad then that in end Nolybab would fall to terrible invaders.
The realms of darkness had grown tired with being unable to attack the realms of light or even each other, for the golden flame would even protect them for the sake of balance. A terrible council was formed between some of the mightiest realms of darkness, yet even some of the realms of light joined this movement, and together they formed an army of unparalleled might.

No one knows how long the fighting lasted, some say days, others say it took years but despite the bravery and might of the Knights of Nolybab the kingdom burned. Kaiadas was at the centre of the battle slaying all how came his way, even a Galcasa demon who all said was immortal was cut asunder by Kaiadas’s mighty powers. For him the fighting carried on even after all of Nolybab was burnt to ash, for in his battle fury he hadn’t even noticed the day was lost.

When his last opponent fell to his blade Kaiadas found himself alone. As he looked around at the burnt ground he thought at first that someone had transported him from his home, but as he stretched out his powers he was gripped by an intense misery as he realised he never left. What did he do? He did what anyone would do.
He went mad.

The only witness of all this from the other realms was said to be a tiny fairy, and with its tiny heart broken by the things it saw it fled. Simple minded as a child it went to its King asking why no one sent them help, but perhaps it would have been better if the little fairy had never asked.

“It is none of our business... we protect our own borders”

Horrified at the answer the little fairy fled its kingdom and flew over all the realms with tears in its eye. What it saw burnt a dark resolve in its innocent little heart. The realms had begun open warfare with each other, even the realms of peace began to use their powers to try and extend their borders. Madness and chaos engulfed everything as notions of balance were thrown out the window, and the little fairy swore vengeance against all the realms.


(To be continued)

Monday, 6 July 2009

Anime: Yugioh 5d's

In my look at the new season of anime reader you may have picked up that I like Yugioh, I don’t know what it is but I just find card games fun. Anyway for awhile now a new series called Yugioh 5d’s has been airing and I thought I’d check it out.

Now in the original Yugioh series we had your normal card duels which then lead to the ancient Egyptian shadow duels, which were cool cause the loser got banished to the shadow realm. In the new one they’ve decided to put in motorbikes in as a new gimmick, to make the duels more exciting or something silly, so when I went into this I figured I’d watch a few episodes to see how silly this is.



It’s actually really good.

About ten minutes in I released that motorbikes are actually cool and somehow combining it with card games is awesome. I believe the key factor that makes the bike duels exciting is that there not over used, about half the duels are your normal ones so the bike duels stay fresh. What I found interesting is they’ve really ramped up the speed of the duels (See what I did there? Ha!) and some duels last like two turns. I feel this works well cause instead of the long haul you have them flipping over like three cards at once that make them win and you go “oh shit!”.
Also since I’ve played the card game its rather rewarding when you see cards you know, so sometimes I already know what’s going to happen without the usual explanation.

Now since this is a show about card games the story is going to be silly, but what is 5d’s like?

Frankly considering they have to deal with the epicness of the original series I felt they did well. But let’s not get ahead of ourselves. The magic part of this series is to do with the Incas and crazy stuff from south America, and while that’s cool I am afraid they can’t really compare to the awesomeness that is Egypt. There is no monster that can out class the coolness of Exodia.

Anyway the story revolves around Neo domino city and its small counter part satellite, basically the city is where the cool rich people live and satellite is where the poor work for the rest of their lives. The twp are literally separated by a large body of water and people from satellite are not allowed to leave, I imagine due to the fact they are poor and therefore dirty. Surely enough our hero comes from satellite and goes on a quest to rescue his friends, defeat his rival, save satellite and spread love and peace etc.

How can he do all this? Why with cards of course! Turns out you can pretty much do whatever the hell you like if you have a good deck. Police giving you trouble? Beat there ass in a duel. Got sent to prison? No prob, just duel the warden to get out. Yes indeed dear reader we have stepped into a society of the strong stepping on the weak through the medium of card games. At the heart of all this is the Kaiba corporation.

So hang on, thanks to Kaiba in the future all disputes will be sorted through card games, and if your poor you basically get no rights?
Kaiba would be proud.

Moving on, once the ‘normal’ arc is over we get the mystical arc where we start having dark duels that can actually hurt your opponent. Sounds like the shadow duels right? It’s basically the same, expect the dark duels are super weak. If you wanted to have a hardcore magic card duel, which would you prefer?

A shadow duel where put your soul on the line, where you fade away when you lose life points?

Or a Duel you can get paper cuts and have your clothes ruined? Weak.

Overall however it’s a solid series and is keeping me entertained, which is all I really ask for.

P.S. For the love of god do not watch the dub! I can... Gah... There is vomit permanently stuck at the back of my throat now... The agony! It... It makes no sense! The things they change... the voices they use... it creates a sort of portal to the realm of the retarded... Flee reader! I’ll hold them back as best I can! So many children could already be lost to the hordes of the stupid!

Wednesday, 1 July 2009

Rant Rant

Well I haven’t had a good rant for quite some time, and I do enjoy doing them, so it seems like now’s a good chance to do another.

My Stories

What’s it like being unimaginative? I suppose it must get frustrating when you need to come up with a new idea for something. But surely this means you can focus your mind on the tasks of everyday life, perhaps writing a blog?

Do you know what it’s like to be too imaginative? I bloody do, and let me tell you while its fun going off into lala land about one thing or another it is not fun trying to write them down. Why you ask? Easy dear reader, because it would literally destroy my day trying to write down all the stories I come up with on a daily bases. That’s right reader, for every story I post up here there’s probably another three I have not mentioned.

If you simply scroll down into some of my stories they are unfinished, or have taken me a few days to get around to writing down. This is partly due to my day being eaten up by work but also due to the fact I have already thought up the beginning, middle and ending of the possibly book length tale and have thus already moved onto the next one.

The short story of Kavrose’s Sky Platoon for example is the ending of his tale... When I finally finished that off I had not only constructed his entire life story, but the history of his sky world, how its economy works and basically everything you needed to know before writing an epic. But it doesn’t end there reader, after I’d done thinking about Kavrose I had already moved onto three other stories one of which is my short Demon Knight story.

Don’t believe me? Since I started this blog my ideas have just flowed as they normally do, so I shall now introduce you to the titles of some of the unwritten stories that live only in my head:

The Dragon Prophet
Left Handed- Through the Eyes of a Serial Killer
Lost Kingdom
Prototype (The Alteration)

I could list some of my forgotten tales (The many I have thought up over my life) but frankly the list is too long... and of course I have completely forgotten many of them.

Anime- One Piece

Ah One Piece... you truly make my week.

For those of you that don’t know One Piece is an anime about Pirates, which is awesome. The show falls into a genre called shonen which is basically aimed at kids aged 10-18 and usually involves extended fight scenes. Just think Dragon Ball Z, but keep in mind nothing has really out done how long their fights lasted.

Now for those of you that do know One Piece you’ll probably be already decided about it, either falling into disliking it or loving it. I love it. I’m sure you can easily list off the things that put you off about One Piece, from the long fights to the general childish tone of the series.

However I would like to say that having a childish story line does not necessarily make it stupid. A children’s story book may not have the most complicated plot, but a good writer who understands his audience will be able to tell a rip-roaringly good tale regardless. What I’m trying to say is your missing out if you only partake in ‘mature’ tales.

There’s alot of things I love about One Piece, one of the most important being that it makes me laugh. In some stories a serious scene can flip like a coin into comedy, but usually returns to serious in order to conclude it, in One Piece some of the fights are downright duels to the death that are somehow fricken hilarious. I cannot even begin to explain how the hell this works, just picture for a moment a swordsmen turning into some sort of giraffe man and despite being funny as hell is seriously threatening. Priceless.

That’s another thing I like about One Piece, despite there being a massive roster of characters most of them are completely different from one another. Some of the characters are just so... original. The reason for this is because some of the character combinations (I.e. a glasses wearing swordswomen) are completely mad, which perhaps people have thought of before but never had the balls to actually use them.

Look at these guys!

Anyway, I could go on to tell you about the awesome devil fruit powers etc etc, but I came here mostly to talk about one thing. While for the most part One Piece is funny, silly, or in the middle of hardcore fights... There are the some moments of pure brilliance. I’ve watched Bleach and Naruto and I have to say, some of their best scenes cannot compare to One Pieces diamond scenes.

As far as I see it Bleach really only has a few truly amazing scenes, the main one being when we learn who the true villain of the series is. Naruto has a few powerful scenes, mostly when he’s making some sappy connection to his enemy (No one loved us as children! Wah!). But One Piece has these perfect scenes which are so simple, so straight forward they hit you at your core. Now I’m not talking about those scenes where the hero unleashes his final attack or transforms or something... those are just cool scenes... I’m talking about scenes that sometimes use no super powers at all, and show you how human these beasts of power really are.

A recent episode had one such scene. (Spoilers)

Basically the crew are fighting against these very powerful guys, things are looking bad and help seems nowhere in site... Then things get worse. There’s this powerful dude they met before called Kuma, who basically has the power of repelling things with his hands, and he shows up. What he does you see is, when he hits you he can send you flying for like 2-3 days and you could end up anywhere. He goes to town on the crew. One by one he makes them disappear, and while there not dead they are lost. Luffy the captain of the crew, who is powerful as hell, can do nothing to stop this... and when you’ve been watching this show as long as I have you understand that he only got this powerful so he could protect his friends... Yet he is useless here. While we as the audience know that nothing too bad can ever really happen Luffy doesn’t know this... and thus reacts in a natural way.

The scene is frankly heart braking and beautiful to watch. By the end only Luffy is left and his reaction is so sad to watch, you can almost feel the bitter taste of total defeat and powerlessness coming from him. It’s for scenes like this that I watch One Piece.