Tuesday, 17 November 2009

Lets Watch Viper's Creed: Part 1

Oh no! Lego robot of death!

Crazy building! Cue techno music!

Oh shit! It's got machine guns!

Intel girls: Rabble rabble rabble highway 126 rabble pursuit.

Walter: Eh... Why are all our sectary's girls? Isn't that really sexist?... and distracting?

Hank: Huh, its shooting out disks? What do they do?

Hank: Oh shit oh shit oh shit!

Guy: Ohp, Hanks dead.

Intel girl: Wait! Don't use the grenade launcher!

Guy: What? Why not?

Intel girl: If you damage the bridge you'll have to pay for it!

Guy: F*** the bridge!

Guy: Son of a bitch! He jumped down onto another road! Who designed these highways anyway? Couldn't have someone mentioned the dangers of terrorist just jumping from one road to another?!

Intel girl: Don't worry, Vipers on the job.

They lack theme music, which is a big negative for me.

Sakurako: It's headed down highway 26! Saki do you read me!... Saki!.... Stop ignoring me!

Ahhh! Random flashback! Don't do that during an action scene! It's just confusing!

Bitch3: In order to make you more likable for the audience we're going to treat you like shit because your new. Heaven forbid we ever show likable character traits.

More flashback! Coffee of destiny!

Dakka dakka dakka!

Oh look, its the token female of the viper squad... Honestly pick any 'strong' women cliche you want at this point. I mean, there's no way in a surprise twist it will be revealed that she actually has flaws, and is a women at heart. Cause that's never happened before.

I have to say that the bikes are cool, I really like the weapons on the side and-

Holy shit they turn into robots!

Our main character has a future eye patch?! Awesome.

Sak: What are you doing! Your going into that turn too fast! Don't do it!

Saki: I have to... Because...

Saki: F*** physics!

Saki: Haha! Now I'm riding two mechs!

Saki: Made you stab yourself!

Action scenes!

I'm gonna skip the rest, all you need to know at this point is some basic plot points. World became only a little bit like that film, water world. Unfortunately when they were rebuilding the city's one of the designers found an old dvd of wacky races, thus all the highways loop around all crazy like. I'm just happy the Romans never lived to see this.

There are these dick Lego mechs that like blowing up stuff, and teams like viper get paid for everyone they take down. The money is not shared between the team, only get paid if you make the kill. Damaging anything else tends to put you into a bit of debt.

Saki is a bit of a badass as he doesn't seem to give a shit, goes onto to destroys an entire section of road and seriously damages his own mech.

Sak: Why did you go so far? You could have just let it go and left the army to deal with it?

Saki looks like he just got caught drawing on the wall, rather then causing massive property damage. Its adorable.

Saki: Sorry.... My bad.

Saki: Is there any sugar?

Saki: What? Why are you laughing? I've got f***ig hypoglycemia. Bitch.

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