Monday, 16 November 2009

Lets Watch Guin Saga: Part 17

So... Guin saga right? While I would really like to carry on poking holes in every episode to come (and I can, its way to easy) I find myself un-motivated to. The trouble of course is that by the time I did a few of these lets watch most of Guin saga was already out, so I could go as slowly or as quickly as I liked. I found I like to go slowly. I think it would be better if I had a show currently airing, that way I’d only have to keep up with it once a week.

Of course the other problem is we’ve barely crossed the half-way point... and... frankly... the episodes just aren’t as good as they used to be. I suppose I blame the sudden shift in genre Guin saga went through, from a fantasy adventure to a political soirĂ©e. I also wasn’t kidding about Guin losing all of his screen time, which just struck me as odd because... wasn’t this show named after him? He only really gets it back in the last episode.

I’m not going to leave you all hanging mind you. Rather than just carry on doing each of the episodes I’ll just sum up what’s happened, then I’ll do a proper one for the last episode. (All these images are totally stolen, because... bugger re-watching all the episodes just for a few screen shots)

So, what else happened in guin?

Opps! The ship they went on was full of pirates, who could have guessed that? They all have a big fight and like... half the crew dies, but its ok in the end.
Also Remus stops the first fight by pouring oil on the entire crew and threatens to burn them alive and its like "Whoa! Holy shit Remus! That... That is not cool to do that, burning people alive is not ok".

Guin goes on another acid trip and jumps off the boat, and its like... what was f***ing point of that?

They found an island! Yay! But they mostly use it to hide from the pirates, as there still kinda sore about the whole 'threatening to burn you alive' thing.

Istavan continues to hit on Rinda, and they get a romantic scene... which is very creepy.

The hell is wrong with you Istavan?

Surprise! Guin is ok, and is like "Sup fools"

Guin: This shit be tripping balls.

Rinda asks the volcano very nicely not to explode, I wish I was joking.

We meet that Bard again! Don't forget he's Naris's half-brother, that's semi important to the plot after all!

Anyway he gets hired by none other then the prince of Mongol, who is more pathetic then Remus used to be... I know, I didn't think it was possible either.
But shock! Naris sends a mage to the Bard telling him to kill the boy! But he's all like "No! He's my friend now!"

Also Naris and Amn get ready for there wedding... there's alot of scenes of them warming up to each other... and your like... not even sure if Naris loves her. It's like... he totally could be, but your not willing to bet on it really.

I'd like to note however that their romantic scenes could have been used instead to give Guin more screen time....
I'm just saying.

Bard: Ok, I'm just going to get a drink. Its not like anything could happen to you in the two minutes I'm not here.

*Picks up the knife*

Bard: Motherf***er!

Naris and Amn get married and live happily ever after! Only actually just before they do our lovable rouge Astreas shows up and stabs Naris with a poison blade, so Naris dies.

The irony of course is Astreas was brainwashed by some Parros nobles to stab Naris with a poison that would fake death... But a certain dick mage was like "I bet it would be hilarious if i switched the poison with a real, very deadly one"

Amn is of course heart broken, cause she really did love Naris.

I have to say, while watching Guin I come up with the best jokes for it, like during this scene:

Amn: My one true love is dead... This day can't get any worse...

Maid: Oh, that reminds me... We just got a message from home... Everyone who has a little brother, put your hand up..... Amn.... put your hand down.
We meet this guy! He's like "You know... somethings weird about this chick... Like I've seen her somewh- holy shit its Naris! Repress the boner! Oh god repress it!"

Naris is alive! He used his double during the marriage, cause he clearly knew that one mages sense of humor to well.

Oh and you know that thing with Skeletor I did? Where he uses magic? Bet you thought that was a joke... Nope, turns out Naris is actually a mage.
Anyway Naris basically enlists this dude to betray Mongol.

Remus: I have the power!

Istavan goes out of his way to tell Rinda how much he loves her, and he declares he'll build his own kingdom before he comes to marry her... so she doesn't have to suffer being married to a tramp.

I have to mention now... I should have earlier. Anyway Istavan is so sure that he's destined to rule hi own kingdom because of this fortune he was told when he was a baby... but... You hear the fortune way way back when there in prison together... and I got to say... Its really vague... Like, it could literally mean anything... How he got 'rule a kingdom' out of it I don't know.

This kid who sits next to the ruler of Mongol sends assassins against Guin! But nobody cares cause they all lose in like five seconds of meeting him.

These guys, instead of joining the force gathering to liberate parros say, f*** that, and climb over a mountain... I imagine so they can claim all the glory and riches for themselves.

To my horror Rinda takes the title of most pathetic character in this show. It's just sad. Even Suni, the monkey side kick that can not talk, actually manages to fight one of the assassins sent after Guin.

Rinda is in here, being sad about Istavan leaving... and just generally being useless. It's like, the more hardcore one twin gets, the more pathetic the other gets.

That's some zen shit right there. Cosmic balance bitchs.

Funny side note, on Istavans adventures he steals a message intended for the mongol navy, which he later gives to Naris so they can be best friends.

But the important thing to note is Istavan gives a mongol necklace to the women who was taking care of him, in a nation at war with mongol. So when guards come to the house he leaves going "Oh, she'll totally be fine".

She is then murdered brutally.

This. It's shit like this Istavan. This is why I think your a cock.

It didn't exactly go like this, but in my head this is how this conversation went.

Rinda: I can't wait to get back home and be with Naris again.

Remus: Yes... Naris... I'm going to have to deal with him... He's contender to the throne after all.

Rinda: We'll get married on a beautiful Sunday morning.

Remus: You realise I'm going to have to kill him right? He's more popular then me, the rightful king... I can't have that, it could cause civil war.

Rinda: Then everyday we'll spend under the oak trees.

Remus: God, are you even listening? I'm going to kill him! Why do you think everything is going to fine? You dumb bitch.

Mongol Commander: We know you were going to betray us.

Captain: What.. N... no... of course not, why would you think that?

Commander: How about the fact you just tried to stab me in my room?

Captain: What? That... That was just a.... love tap.

The group of solders then dance for him.

If by dance you mean hacked to pieces of course.

The parros rebels are like, we need a real leader to guide us... Then Naris appears and is like "I can totally do that!"

Of course, no one else knew Naris was actually alive so he's seen as like Jesus... thus everyone goes banana's.

When news reaches Amn, who is back in Mongol now, that Naris is alive there is a perfect moment. Everyone else is talking, but she's just standing there with a blank look on her face, as if her whole world just imploded. Glorious.

Amn quickly musters an army to attack Parros, I mean, the first time was easy right?

Commander: AHHH! MY FLESH!

Turns out the parros mages can make your insides burst in flames, who knew?

Guin and Remus have a man to man talk about ruling a nation. Guin is of the opinion that it's f***ing easy and he should be alright. Guin then finally ditch's the twins in order to find the man who sent assassins against him.

All I can say is, about f***ing time. They were cramping your style Guin.

F*** you Rinda, you are a waste of air.

The star of destiny! That or Guin is high again, you can never really tell.

After killing most of the mongol army, the parros knights meet up with those guys who climbed that mountain and are all like "We should burn mongol to the ground".

By now Istavan has left Naris... you'd think because he learnt that Naris is marrying Rinda, thus is a rival, but my reason makes more sense.

The last time they talk Naris is saying he kept Istavan around just cause... for once... he wanted a friend... Cause Naris lies to everyone and has no true friends... But the way he says it... I'm not surprised Istavan bailed on him.

Istavan: *Shit shit... He's coming onto me... I got to get the f*** out of here...I've heard the storys, I'm not getting butt raped*

Amn: Fight on! We can win!

Captain: No we can't! We're being killed! Why didn't you surrender and leave the life of our army in tact! We're dyeing needlessly! This how parros was able to make a comeback, we never actually killed their army! Sol why are you killing ours! Gahk!... Stupid.... Bitch....

Guin finally meets that kid who turns out to be an immortal dick head who made Mongol for the simple pleasure of watching it burn later on.

Rocks fall on Guin and he assumes he has died.

Amn: Captured by an enemy nation... Now I know what Naris felt like... I shall do the same plan Naris used!

What the maid should have said: Are you f***ing retarded? Our nation is ruined thanks to you and your family. You said you'd use the same plan as Naris, but he was subtle, barely saying anything to do with politics or the like. You on the other hand just went to this King, and straight up told him your plan! How stupid can you be?!

What she actually says: Your so great Princess!

Later the evil kid meets the twins and tells them that Guin is totally in this cave.

Remus: Well, I guess we have no reason to distrust you.

Rinda: Yay, Guin! He's come back to us!

The evil kid then summons a GAINT SWORD and transforms into a f***ing demon thing. I wish I made that up, it seriously comes out of no where.

Guin shows up, and thanks to the shiny plot thing stolen from the giants he is able to beat the demon!

Guin: I'm Guin Motherf***er!

And that all really happend, I shit you not.

No comments:

Post a Comment