DM: Long ago in ancient china a battle of good verses evil became legend....
DM: These are the tales of... The Warriors of Heaven and Earth!
DM: You find yourself wondering through the desert-
Lai Xi: Hey, can I be a samurai?
DM: What? No! This is ancient china, not ancient japan.
Lai Xi: Oh come on, I already put his race down as Japanese anyway.
DM: Eh... Errh... Fine whatever.
DM: As you look across the sun scorched-
Lai Xi: Also he's a bounty hunter.
DM:.... Why would a Japanese bounty hunter be in china?
Lai Xi: I dunno, your the DM.
DM: Grh. Fine. You work for the Chinese government.
Lai Xi: Alright-
DM: But they won't let you go back to Japan, and you have to look after your daughter all the time... and your f***ing miserable.
Lai Xi: Awww.....
*New Player*: Can I join in now?
DM: Yeah, what's your character?
Li: He's lieutenant Li of the Chinese army.
DM: Oh alright that actually fits in well-
Li: But his fellow soldiers were corrupt and evil! He killed like six of them and became an outlaw!
DM: What? No!
Lai Xi: As a bounty hunter I make it my life's goal to hunt down Li!
DM: Wait, did you guys plan this ahead?
Lai Xi:.... Yeah we kinda did.
DM: You could have fricken told me before I started the game!
DM: Whatever... Ermm... Lai, you and your daughter find yourself in a seedy town looking for Li-
Lai Xi: Can I see him?
DM: Anyway, as your about to enter the inn you see a thug attacking a young man for some reason, what do you do?
Lai Xi: Alright, I turn to him, and I punch his sword out of his hand.
DM: What? How are you gonna pull that off?
Lai Xi: Oh I took some Monk levels too.
DM:... Fine, but the chances are still pretty l-
Lai Xi: Boom! Natural twenty!
DM: A man behind you claps a bit and comments-
Lai Xi: Is it Li?
Lai Xi: Ah! It must be a villain! I throw my Katana through his neck!
DM: Shut up! No you don't! You go into the inn and you go to sleep!
Lai Xi: What on the floor?
DM:.... Yes on the floor!
DM: Meanwhile a column of soldiers are leading a group of monks through a desert-
*New Player*: Oh, this is where I come in?
DM: Yeah, what's your characters name?
*New Player*: Urr... Dunno.... Just call him Jake.
DM:.... You can't be called Jake your Chinese....
Jake: Nah it's totally cool, I took the half-European template.... But I still look Chinese.
Lai Xi: Hey, does this mean were getting a small army and a bunch of Monks?
DM: They all die in a sandstorm.
DM: Except Jake who has to live with the fact all his friends are dead.
Jake: Aww, I'm sad now....
DM: Over the dune a mysterious figure-
Lai Xi: Is it Li?
DM: Yes it's f***ing Li!
Li: I make a cool check!
Li: I want to make a check to see how awesome I look.
*Rolls a 4*
DM: You trip, cause your a tard....
Jake: Oh shit, am I like the cleric? Do I heal him?
DM: What? How do you not know?
Jake: To be honest I haven't filled out my sheet yet.... But I'll roll a heal check...
DM:... Look you cant roll until you have a character sheet, ok?
Jake: Fine, I go over to any surviving Camels and kill one.
Jake: I then drain it's blood into a bowl.
DM: Why the hell would you do that?
Jake: Urr, cause camels have fast healing 1? Duh? I feed the blood to Li.
DM:..... He chokes on it cause it's f***ing camel blood!
DM:... Anyway, along with the camels you find one of the monks survived the sandstorm as well and you all start-
Lai Xi: Am I there too?