Wednesday, 12 August 2009

Back In Town

Hello again reader! So nice to see-


Shut up!

Urr... Man... Do your holidays involve doing nothing? Just, I dunno... Getting a tan? God that would be sweet. But I can never have that reader, my mind has been warped with a different expectation of what a holiday is.

A true holiday to me involves getting up early, visiting every destination I can until midnight and eating. So much food... It’s everywhere... You’re not hungry but you KNOW it is time to eat and so you do.

There’s a saying in my family that goes along the lines of “That holiday was great... now if only we could have one to recover from it”.

You’re probably a bit interested in what I did, where I went and generally what happened over my holiday but... Not gonna tell ya. There’s alot of tourism to be had in Penang but I got that out of the way pretty much by the time I was ten so now me and the family go to places tourists would never be allowed. You would not believe the treatment we get over there, if a tourist came over and asked if they can join in on this ceremony or whatever they’d be kindly told to f*** right off... Yet me and family get put on the front page of the damn local newspaper for joining in.

That is how ace we are.

(I have to find that picture... it’s pretty awesome, heh)

Anyway, overall a pretty sweet holiday, but now and back and it’s time to get to writing again. I’m gonna try and do some short bits of some things I’ve seen, we’ll see how that goes.

The Mummy 3



Its... ok?

My main complaint against the movie would have to be the family crises thing... What the hell? Pointless much? I know this is a family film and all but that doesn’t mean you have to put in family drama. The first film had the romance angle and that worked because it interlocked with the story nicely and sort of strangely became a love triangle between the main characters and the mummy. The family drama on the other hand feels forced, like it was put in there just so that they could tick it off on the chart.

I don’t give a crap if your son is being a little bitch I want to see the emperor set more things on fire! The special effects on the mummy were a plus for me, it was very cool seeing his mouldy face only for it to be covered in red hot clay... bet that’s fun.

One thing about Jet Li... Not a brilliant actor really, is he? Watch the Chinese film Warlords... my god... he’s amazing. The trouble with his English films is that English is not his first language and after all this time he’s not really gotten better at it... But put him where he’s comfortable and he’s brilliant. The mummy film doesn’t show off his talents and I really suggest you go see Warlords to see how good he actually is.

Finally, before I talk only about this, who was the bad guy exactly? I know were supposed to think it’s the emperor because he’s against freedom and justice... and, wait... hold on... We don’t actually get that impression at all. This is a very American thing to do, suggest that freedom is at stake and you have your villain regardless if it actually makes sense. Let’s do an overview, the emperor wants to be immortal and take over the world... Why exactly is this a bad thing? I dunno about you but I’ve done the math and having an immortal leader ruling the world actually solves alot of problems. He wouldn’t even run it, that’s what governors and crap are for, so basically the world order is him doing whatever he likes and life carrying pretty much the same as it has always done... What’s he going to do? Revert the world to how it was in ancient china? He’s power hungry, not mad.

So now that we know his ideals aren’t evil let’s move onto his personal actions. Ok he called dibs... and the general not only betrayed his emperor he betrayed his man honour. Ladies this is how it works, if your friend declares dibs and hasn’t been shot down yet the girl is off limits. If you bang the girl before your friend has been turned down you are a douche. I expect you to be killed in the modern age for doing this rather than in ancient china... so honestly what the hell did he expect? And another point... he is the emperor, so he can do whatever he likes... and I seriously doubt killing someone’s loved one is the worst thing he has done. Yet this is the thing that’s supposed to make him out as the worst person ever?

True Blood


That pretty much sums up what I think of this series. Look, vampires are shit. They have been shit for a long time. And having a skin condition that results in you bursting into flames as soon as the sun rises is not an attractive trait. Do you know what vampires would be like if they were real?

They would be really boring.

Have you ever sat down and thought about what it would be like to live forever? It gets boring alot faster than you think it would. First you do everything you’ve ever wanted to do. Okay done... That took like, what? 200 years let’s say? What do you do now? Well I guess you could learn to play every instrument in the world? Done. Urm... You could... Join an extreme sport? Done.

You see where I’m going with this? Living forever is awful and honestly I’d expect old vampires to just... commit suicide just so that they can escape from it all. Why would you ever be interested in a love life?

Ok you could go out with a mortal... Oh she’s dead. Wellllll.... I guess we can solve that by making her a vampire too, because true love will last forever right? But hold on... Have you even discussed the sorts of things you like? Go back a moment and look up a vampire film or novel and I can assure you that the stages of building a normal relationship do not exist, it’s all f****** moon song or flying through the air or some shit. If you haven’t taken the time to find out if you actually like her rather than the idea of her then she’s only going to become a whiny bitch after 20 years... no 5 years after you stop trying to romance her. Let’s say you have a real relationship going on, honestly how long do you think that will last? Humans live only 100 years if their lucky, love has not been tested for more than that. Some relationships can be broken by one action and living longer merely increases the chances of that happing.

Congratulations, you’re stuck with a whiny bitch forever.

I haven’t even mentioned anything about this show yet have I? It’s basically porn. No really, lots of sex. Frankly... it’s a porno with a higher budget then other ones. Thus it suffers from god awful writing.

Get this right the main character, this blonde girl with a horrendous accent can absently read minds, she has no control over it. Why the writers felt this should be added is beyond me, wasn’t our angle vampires instead of psychics? Anyway vampire shows up in town and she starts crushing on him for the reason... get this... she can’t hear his thoughts! Hoho, maybe the writers are smarter then I think... Maybe they did notice that vampires are incredibly unlikable characters and had to throw in something to go around that. Ha. But no its still terrible and it really is for girls... As far as I can tell their the only people who still like vampires... other than boys who wish they were girls.

Besides I quickly worked out why she can read minds. She has no brain so other people’s thoughts just fly into her empty head.

..... She’s very stupid....

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