James Watchs Avatar

-Ok, so I got it for HD at least, but screw 3D. I don’t care if its great, I’m really not bothered to put up with that shit right now.

-Oh great, the menu is made out of leafs. This really is fern gully.

-Ok, taking the plunge.

-A very shiny 20 cen fox... thing... it’s very shiny.

-Wait wait wait, did he just say a hole blown through his life? I’m not sure that’s how wounds work. I think you do get crazy dreams however, so I’ll let that go.

-Omgosh! A water droplet! Yeah I really am this petty.

-We’re there sunshine? Why would you say that? Looking at that place there must be a 100 people, I seriously doubt he’s gonna talk to all of them. It’s that whole doctor sitcom thing all over again... Doctors don’t give a shit about you, you are a piece of meat. They do not pat you on
the back and tell you everything’s going to be fine.

-So his brother died because he got mugged. You could say a cruel twist of fate brought about by our still violent culture... But that’s bullshit, he got mugged because the writer hated him and loved his brother so much more. It’s Boromir all over again.

-Ship looks stupid. I’ve always hated that industrial style spaceship humans tend to get dumped with, it’s the most boring thing ever. If I was gonna sleep somewhere for 6 years I’d like it to be painted.

-Pandora. Hrmmm. I think this is a poorly thought out name. I see what your doing... drawing a comparison with the tale of Pandora’s box. But the one, two or three issues that the planet is going to bring up is kinda weak when compared with a box that literally held everything your terrified of. Just imagine a giant box full of terrorists... ok, now imagine they can all shoot venom out of their eyes. This is what Cameron is comparing his world to.

-Ok so the idea is that they need lug-head cause his gene’s are the same as his brother and stuff won’t work without the proper genes- Bwahaha.... What? Are you kidding me? You need a specific gene code to transfer your mind into a very very genetically different body? This is science fiction at its best, making up shit that’s ridiculous.

-Omgosh! There like oil refineries! It’s like... so relevant.

-Hahaha, you never lose the attitude? Dude, your in a wheel chair, not retired.

-Ok so... in the future America is still going to have its retarded health system? So our man can’t have his spine surgery? Surely this is the grimmest message of the movie?
Fighting for freedom? You have given us zero back-story, they could have been fighting for the puppy tyrants for all we know.

-Wtf? Being in a wheel chair is wrong? As in... what? It’s tragic? It shouldn’t be allowed? What the hell is anyone talking about! Your slang is stupid!

-HAHAHAHAHA, our introduction to the Navi’ is arrows in wheels? My first impression is there kinda pathetic protesters.

-Who ever f***ing thought it would be clever to put in the wizard of Oz line should die ironically... Like being eaten by umpa lumpas.

-I like how the bad guy is like “This is the worst place ever, hell is much better then here” and I think I agree with him.

-Wants to eat your eye’s for WHAT? Did he say Juju beans? Who talks like that? Where are you getting these words?

-“Your all going to die, and I will laugh when that happens”

-First rule of Pandora, do not talk about Pandora.

-Wait, they had avatar training? Surely Lug-head would need to do the same, I mean if he didn’t it- HAHAHAHA, like any of this makes sense.

-I’m sad the Indian guy did not have an Indian accent. A missed opportunity there.

-*Lug head looks at the avatar for a bit toooo long* “Hey... would it be weird if I had sex with my avatar?”

-The video logs are important, so that when everyone dies you can give vital background that no one really cares about.

-So they can speak Navi’ already? Why the hell do they need the avatars again?

-Oh golf, that means he’s evil.

-So you need the avatars so the Navi’ will warm up to you? So they don’t mind your wearing unborn abominations of their race? They’ll be totally cool with that?

-That rock has a stupid name.

-Brink of war? You mean brink of curb stomping right? Can anyone say aerial bombardment? From space?

-You could not pay me to get into the jellow pod.

-Wouldn’t displacing your brain and thoughts cause serious psychological damage?

-Haha, Lug-head walks like a drunk.

-They leave the doors unlocked? To the expensive Navi body chamber? WHAT.

-So like the pod is a wireless network? Hope your connections good. At leats there arint alot of trees to get in the-Oh Wait.

-Ok, that jaw movement is horrifying, like a Navi could totally fit your head in there.
Fist bump, because we cool.

-Wait, the gravity is lower on Pandora? That can cause serious bone problems

-I agree, the scar is bitching.

-It has like... the set things to make a political almost clever subplot, but I know they won’t use it.

-Alien Bird! His name shall be Jones Jamerson.

-Why are all the creatures a shade of blue?

-They really need avatar bodies to take field samples?

-I like how lug-head likes to touch everything, i hope it’s all poisoned.

-Really? A hammer head rhino? Bullet proof too? I smell bullshit.

-Wait, if everything’s bullet proof, why did they bring a gun?

-I dislike the slow motion... it kinda disturbs the animation.

-HAHAHAHAH, a gun didn’t work, so a spear will be much better!

-Wait... she doesn’t shoot him because the Jesus jellyfish floated by?

-“Yeah... Er... we lost an avatar” “Well that’s infinity money wasted, why did we let you go out there, when it had nothing to do with the avatars purpose anyway?”

-He has made a spear of goo.... WHAT

-There was like, a 99% chance that goo wouldn’t be flammable.

-Panther lizards! This film has something against furry creatures... probably because then everyone would know this is a ‘furry’ film. If you understand that.

-Only you can prevent forest fires.

-Seriously this film is all about the shades of blue.

-No touchy

-Why can she suddenly speak English?

-I like how she judges him, without actually telling him what he did wrong.

-Ok, so if she grows to love him... but calls him a baby alot... she a pedo?

-The whole ‘no hurting the wild life’ thing borders on the ridiculous. Especially when your surrounded by things that wish to eat you. If there were no predators I’d understand, but were in silly land at the moment.

-Again, blue horses. I seriously want to know what’s up with all the blue. Is there like a blue carrot that turns your pee blue?

-I am reminded of the song savages from Pocahontas

-Ok, so you respect all life, but it’s totally fine to keep skulls?

-Lug-head did not read his manual alot did he?

-And now another one knows English? WHAT.

-Clan jar-head, well at least there keeping his stupidly consistent.

-Oh so because he’s different then them that makes him insane? Seriously the writer needs to take the stick out of his ass.

-Ha, it’s like Navi’ high school, and he’s the only nerd.

-Three months... I hope there’s a montage.

-Ha, nerd boy is jealous of Lug-head, no super special awesome adventure for him.

-So basically Navi’ are giant parasites? What exactly do they offer the creatures they bond with? Good will?

-Hmm, ok they used a bit of the political plot, but it goes by smoothly so you wouldn’t notice it if you weren’t looking for it. Clever, but only in the way that the writer understands story structure. That’s something I guess.

-Oh floating islands... I’ve never seen that... expect in every anime ever.

-Ok they explained the political subplot bit, I was hoping they wouldn’t... you know... get people actually thinking about it... but never mind.

-Even some of the mushrooms are blue!

-The bird thing is... like... from alot of fantasy settings. I’m pretty sure there was a dinotopia episode about this exact same thing.

-If everyone thinks your a moron... there’s a chance your a moron.

-Happy times! Nothing could go wrong!

-Expect more f***ing blue!

-Ok, so it was wrong to kill the little killer things, but now its totally ok to kill harmless stuff? WHAT.

-There should be a drinking game, every time you see something new that’s blue, you take a drink.

-I’m pretty sure you auto win if you choke slam the bird.

-AND NOW WE ARE BEST FRIENDS FOREVER.

-HAHAHAHAHAHA, he is a terrible driver, I think i know how he lost his legs in the first place.
I have no idea where the chemistry is supposed to come from with these two. Do bumbling idiots turn her on? They’ve spent time with each other, but they seem to have a connection of friendship... unless something changes that the love scene will have been forced.

-F***ing lizard dragon! It’s red- F*** it’s still got blue bits on it.

-“All the Navi people know the story”.... ok? What story? Oh I’m sorry, I thought you were gonna discuss something interesting, GARRR!

-Beard!

-No Beard! It’s magic!

-Heh, I thought he was gonna hit him with that chair for a second.

-I am a man!

-I just noticed that the order of the Navi’s words is alot like Japnense, in that it’s the other way round from the subs... YES I CAN NOTICE THAT.

-SO MUCH BLUE!

-Prayer plants? That’s convenient.

-OK here we go, where is this love coming from? You’ve literally given us nothing other than the fact that they’ve spent time together. There’s literally like no other indicators. WHAT.

-“What the hell are you doing Jake?” Having furry sex, that’s what.

-HA! Take that trees!

-“Oh hey girl what’s- OH MY GOD!”

-Ha! Take that expensive equipment!

-Oh snap, they know Lug-head did it.

-Woo! War! Maybe everyone will die?

-Oh double snap! “You had sex with this thing?!”

-Demon! I’m with that guy... that or the Navi’ don’t know what narcolepsy is.

-Ouch, so Paganism isn’t real? Oh yeah, real open minded film this one.

-Usb hair! Hurrah!

-Wow, just wow.... Were not even trying for grey here are we?

-Yay! Simple time! Lets burn some shit!

-I like the really big military plane thing.

-I swear Lug-Head has forgotten half the time his legs don’t work with the way he enters the jellow pod.

-Aw, she’s sad now.

-The bad guy does have a certain style. He just need a better uniform.

-HAHAHAHAHA, ah arrows.... classic.

-The only way to deal with a Navi... is to burn it!

-Oh crazy knife!

-Oh no wait... sad crazy knife.

-“I didn’t sign up for this shit” Urrr, no I think you did, everyone’s been talking about doing this for awhile now.

-Ha! No more tree house for you, time to live in caves, like normal people.

-Also, it never seems to rain.

-Oh the horror!... Am I monster cause I seriously feel nothing for this scene?

-Oh fathers dead... everyone knew that would happen, fiction hates fathers.

-Now lug-head is sad, all it took is a massive tragedy.

-Well everything should be fine forever now, since the Navi’ have moved.

-Oh seriously? The food jail break trick? Surely there are measures to stop that by now?

-Why are none of these doors locked? This place has terrible security (This is a big issue cause you can see the massive locking devices on the door... that are never used).

-Ok the villain is a badass. Nice getting an off camera shot in.

-“Why would they help us?” “... because... we have a can do attitude?”

-Dragon power!

-“Oh so what? I’m suddenly your best friend now that I have the biggest dragon lizard? You people are seriously shallow”

-We shall use plant power! Because that makes sense!

-Woops, seems being eco-powered does not necessarily mean it is better, Ha!

-Rowdy time.

-I like how none of the Navi’ tribes have unique decorations, and are basically just copied from tribes we know of.

-Fight the terror!

-Shock and awe... were really just not trying here are we?

-Protect the... blue tree? AARRRHHHH!

-This film would be a nightmare if you were colour blind.

-Ok, is it just me... just hear me out... but am I the only person who wonders what a Navi’ would taste like?..... What?

-BIG BATTLE

-Really? We push the bombs out? WHAT.

-Ok, the arrows can suddenly go through the glass? WHAT.

-I thought they said they cant use the missiles?

-This fight is actually going surprisingly as expected, as in really badly

-See, Lug-head should have really contacted some kind of arms dealer, or otherwise tried to steal guns.

-And then the plot armour rhinos attacked.

-That’s alot of birds.

-See, Lug-head has a gun so he does really well

-Yet again, villain is kind of a badass.

-This is how you apply the knowledge of the Navi’ people Lug-head? How to fall through branches? Eh.

-Knife Fight!

-Still dislike the slow-mo.

-Where’d she get that bow? She did not bring it with her. Gonna need to re-watch that to check sometime

-He lives! Happy end... Expect for all those people who died.


Ok I didn’t hate it. But at times it was frustrating... and kinda bare bones. But as an action flick... yeah sure. Just... don’t look too deeply at the disturbing under and above tones. Also they never explained how they knew English... just.... WHAT.