The God Problem

As you know I recently played Prince of Persia, and it's storyline is basically about a dark god escaping his imprisonment. Pretty usual story yes? But it reminded me of an argument I have with myself often (Dont ask), especially after reading or watching a storyline that has gods as a central theme.

When you create a new setting for a story, especially if it's fantasy, you have to ask an important question.... Are your gods real? If you say no you actually save yourself alot of trouble.... because in that case the gods exist as a men believe them too, and in that way they become a kind of mirror of the culture that worships them.

But if you say yes, you've caused yourself a little grief.

The trouble stems from the fact that there is no right or wrong answer.... which means there is a right or wrong answer for your reader. Everyone's set in their ways and has a clear idea how certain things work, or how they should. Religion is no different, it's been one of humanities biggest arguments for a long time. No matter what you do, if you have a god that is real and effects the story in some way (They dont have to be an active deity to have an effect) your probably gonna bump into readers that dislike your vision (Not declaring holy vengeance of course, this is fiction were talking about).

This happens for me alot whenever I read a story that has light handed deity's or heavy handed deity's... Sometimes there is something there that just.... rubs me the wrong way. It's not that there wrong, or that their image could be improved... Perhaps it could have been improved, but the point is I'll look at it and go "Hrmm, dont really like that approach".

In alot of cases I'll dislike it because the gods are too human, or perhaps if there not human enough. My personal belief (Story lines, not religion, Haha) is that a deity should be recognisable as a person, and yet totally unknowable.... So basically somewhere in the middle and far away from one of the extremes.

One of the problems you'll run into in your narrative is when your god does something, but does not deign to answer why they did it. When you have a god that is somewhat active, and in a kind of communication with it's subjects but does not explain it's reasoning always gets on my nerves. This kind of deity does not need to explain its justifications (If it has any) and it's people are like children, not able to comprehend it's vast vision. Yet I feel if your going to mess around with someones life they deserve to know why, and if it's too 'complicated' then at least make an attempt....

Now your probably thinking "Well, their a god, they are above mortals and can do whatever they like" But it's that idea I dislike. If you have gods who can do what they like (Even with limitations) without having to answer for their actions then it belittles the importance of people... Makes them less somehow. Now if thats the aim of your narrative, then go right ahead.... but the trouble is I see this happen alot and almost by mistake, like the writer never thought about the consequences of adding a god that answers to no one but themselves.

For example I recently read a book which had a small Pantheon for these desert people. These gods were very real and possibly the most powerful beings in the world (A world of magic and wizards etc), and yet they were the only ones of their kind. When a neighboring nation came into some big trouble (A dragon that not only breathed fire, but melting acid breath too) these desert people came to them with their sultan and holy man and a small army. Yet there gods would not help this other nation in the way you'd expect, instead it shielded their own people and left the problem to the hero of the story (It was his fault there was a dragon at all). Now these guys did help all the injured people and helped evacuate them... But the thing is the hero begged them to help, and even though they could they left him to face this terrible ordeal alone... To teach him a lesson and give him a chance at redemption...

Yet the way it happened was completely horrible, and they would not say why they would not help. The problems not the way they acted, the problem was who they would help... This other nation had 'gods' but only make believe ones with no power.... no one could come to their aid... And so it almost seems like these desert people horde the power and benefits of their gods to themselves...

This was a world where gods were real, but only helped you if you'd been born in the desert. I'm pretty sure the writer wasn't aiming for something so bleak, but that's what we have... A deity only interested in it's own. For those of you paying attention this is an example of the unknowable deity, who is so far removed from its people they don't even know what their worshipping.

But what of evil deity's? Well you have two kinds, much like villains. Those who are born bad, and those who become it later on. Like the villains they share their birth with, I dislike deity's who are evil just cause. Not because I dislike the black and white of good vs evil but because solely evil deity's promote lazy writing and tend to be handled pretty badly. One's who become evil later on.... Are usually handled pretty badly as well... They usually go bad because they want something (Usually exclusive rights to the world) which comes off as very childish for a supposedly supreme being.

In the Prince of Persia game you have the God of Light and the God of Darkness, and they are brothers. One day the God of Darkness didn't feel like sharing anymore and just started to break everything, so his brother tricked him into a tree. Now an interesting thing that doesn't get explored alot (As far as I know) is the idea of the whole imprisoning and what it means. Think about, these brothers must have existed forever, and while they have their differences in essence their still brothers. One gets out of hand and starts wrecking the party for everyone, and then his brother, who the bad one didn't actually do anything to... seals him away.... forever. If I was the bad brother I'd feel utterly betrayed... that my brother would do something so.... so evil is unthinkable.

Perhaps the God of Darkness was really out of order smashing the world up, but that shouldn't excuse the God of Light of his terrible deed of shutting away his own brother.... If anything in many respects there as bad as each other. Darkness for not playing nice, and Light for not finding a way to balance the problem his brother had created.

Hype: Anime Winter 2011

Haha, I see what I did wrong folks. I jumped ahead a bit too far, as were still in the winter season.

Well it should hopefully be- OH GOD! It looks aweful!



Rio-Rainbow Gate

I.... Urgg..... It's an anime based on- I shit you not- a slot machine.

I dont even.... What the hell am I even supposed to say about that?


Starry Sky

Really?

Basically it's about a girl joining an all boys school. Because that's never been done.

Like 20 times already.

I know I rag on sometimes about anime being the same.... but it's things like this that really dont help.


Wolverine

Well you already know about this one.

It's unlikely that it'll be the target of my next Lets Watch, as I'd rather not stick to one franchise. It's funny to beat up on marvel but I got other fish to fry.


IS: Infinite Stratos

Seems to be about powerful exo-suits, that could be interesting-

Wait for it.

Seems only women can pilot them? Ok.... A bit weird but whatever-

Wait for it.

Women dominate the earth.... Well if there the only ones that can use the suits then-

Wait for it.

Oh, there's one guy who can pilot one of these suits so I guess-

Wait for it.

Ok, so he gets drafted and put in an all girls school to learn about piloting the exosuits-

Bam! It's a harem anime! Man that is one of the most round about ways of making a harem anime. Although it's a pretty crowded genre (Why is this a crowded genre?!) so you have to do some pretty nutty things to stand out.

Oh and if you don't know what a harem anime is.... I ENVY YOU! God.... I would love to go back to those days... Those days when things made sense and weren't really awkward.


Beezlebub

This is interesting, not the show it self but what I thought of the manga.

It's a comedy one and for the most part it does that pretty well. But a funny thing happened, at one point it removed it's main premise (I imagine for character development?) but it became painfully clear that the whole story relied completely on this main premise. Without it it was terrible and generic.... and unfortunately the writer seems to be a big fan of pushing this terrible story angle to the front, even though it's been done before and way better.

I'd say a miss unless your a really dedicated anime viewer.


Freezing

Oh my good god, another harem anime.... These are.... these are cancer.


Cardfight!! Vanguard



An anime made by the guys who did Yugioh and Duel monsters?

Ok, someone made a deal with satan, and I thank you good sir.


*Censored*

Ok, I'm not even putting a picture of this one.... cause... If someone found my blog because of this anime? I'm not sure i could live with myself.

Basically it's about a sister wanting to have sex with her brother.... really badly.... i just.... Why do you throw these at me japan? I am not catching that.



Supernatural


I.... I dont even.... What?

Man, my sister is going to have a f***ing fit when she finds out about this.

Haiyoru! Nyaruani
Ok, it's about a demon girl just kind... hanging around I guess? That's not too unusual... wait.... there's a bit more of the title? Let me just wipe that a bit-










Haiyoru! Nyaruani: Remember My Mr. Lovecraft

She is an old one.



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Woops!

Hahaha.

So how many anime in that last post were fake?

If you said 1, then you are incorrect... All lies! Hahaha! That's what I bring for you this Christmas, lies and heartache.

Honestly I could probably get away with saying I trolled you rather then saying I got trolled. I could totally spin that rather then just a random jab O RLY? was in fact me trying to tell you that none of these anime were real.... But that's not the case (However I feel that would have been really clever).

Basically I wrote this seasons hype thing at 1 in the morning, so I was not exactly at the peak of my observational skills. But in the morning while I was having my shower it slowly dawned on me that something was weird about that anime list.

What you need to understand is that these fake lists pop up every season, wither it's people trying to troll or just trying to work themselves up to a dream. Frankly your bound to fall for one of them eventually, as their largely well made.

The depressing thing however is that I only thought half of the things on the list could have been any good. I dread to think what the actual list is gonna look like now....

Hahaha.... Ahh... Trolling.

The Final Fallacy

Now before I carry on I want to make it clear that it might be unfair of me using Square Enix as an example, I only say this because I haven’t played any of their recent games myself and this post is working purely on hearsay, but a critique was brought up against them recently and I thought it made a good topic.

Now I don’t know if you ever played or heard about Final Fantasy, but for gamer history it was kind of a big deal. Now the latest one came out of a while ago, and a lot of people didn’t like it (I’ve kept away from recent games because they remind me of everything I hate in anime right now). One of the problems someone pointed out was that Square Enix opted for style over substance.

What many final fantasy fans might not release is that the games have always walked the tightrope of style and substance. Many would claim that this ‘decline’ of substance actually started around the most popular one, 7, and continued onwards until the latest one, but these people don’t quite understand what the substance of these later games actually was.

Now you outsiders have an interesting position on this debate, if you’ve heard of Final Fantasy you’ve probably heard a fan’s almost crusader like admiration for their favourite Final Fantasy. But your just sitting there wondering, aren’t they just the same games?

This is the core issue at work here during this debate between the series, everyone, especially the fans, on some level expects them to be the same game.

You see Final Fantasy is a very interesting specimen because despite having so many similarities with each instalment, there all radically different from one another. Each game has a unique theme with which to tell its story, and at the end of the day the debate about which is the best is actually all about this central theme.

For example 8’s central film is friendship and trust, it’s about learning to believe in others and yourself. 9’s is Mortality, the inevitability of death and how the characters interact with that. 10 is all about the sins of the past, how they shape us, and asks, should we suffer for the sins of our fathers?

Now the great final fallacy (Haha, see what I did there?) is the fact that the first one you play is most likely going to be your favourite. After you have a favourite one you’ll expect the others to be much like it. So the reason that there is so much outrage between the games is because most people are expecting a continuation of their central theme, and thus are disappointed when this doesn’t happen. When you first play one you’re usually judging it on its own merits, but the instant you play another your now judging it against the one you like… There is no way to stop this, it’s just human nature.

In many cases you might simply dislike these themes, or not understand that their there at all. For example I really really dislike 7. I played it, and I hated every moment of it. I was never going to like 7 because my heart already belonged to another, and I was never going to give it a chance.

But this doesn’t just apply to the theme you see, it applies to every single aspect of these games. The graphics are different, the visual style, and even the gameplay is always different in some way… and it’s hard to not be disappointed that it’s not just all the same. I think the best example of this is the character Sid… In final fantasy Sid is always a character, there’s always someone called that, but his role in each game is usually vastly different… from being a background character, to a side char, to a main one, to even a player character… This is the point I’m trying to make, in many ways the Final Fantasy games are the same, but in just as many ways their very different.

At the end of the day this is what separates the fan base and it’s not something easy to admit to yourself. You might think to yourself “Duh I already knew this” but you need to have a good long look at yourself… no weaselling out of it, and understand that you do this and you are not correct in any way for doing it. By simple human nature it is very hard to comprehend that you could be mistaken, and that your opinion might have no merits what so ever.

Another complaint that rises up often between the games is the fact that the main character is annoying and dumb, or that some other character is annoying. First of all you don’t truly understand what annoying is if this gets you riled up, you think to yourself that there’s no way there could be anyone more annoying than this. You are wrong. Perhaps you thought Jar Jar Binks was f*** annoying, but you took solace in the fact he’s not real… and then you will meet that person who is just like him… and your faith in humanity will die that day….

Anyway.

You might think that this critique doesn’t apply to your favourite main character, but it probably does. There would be no character growth if there were no failings, so they have to be annoying or dumb in some regards. Perhaps you were upset that the latest characters look like wimpy girls? News flash, if the hardware had allowed it that’s probably what all the characters would look like. Did you not see that amazing wind like art that *is* Final Fantasy? If you’re thinking your 2d characters were immune to that you’re wrong, that’s exactly how they would have looked.

Alright so hopefully we now all understand a little more about the Final Fantasy games, but we still need to talk about the latest one. Now as I’ve already said I haven’t played it so I can’t be sure… But from what I’ve heard I think I’d agree that the latest one has chosen style over substance and not released what a mistake that was. If you look seriously at the final fantasy series the gameplay and the story have largely been two separate entities… they might have crossed over here and there but largely the context of the gameplay makes no sense in the context of the story.

Now you might be thinking, how would that work? Surely that hurts the whole game? But actually if anything it might have been FF’s greatest strength. I mean think about it for a second… you can tell any story you want… but have any sort of gameplay that you want. For a game designer this must be great, because you’re not limited to the rules of the setting and can go bat bananas with the gameplay (Which is why the characters can summon meteors, but when the story comes around suddenly giant robots worry them).

To me it seems like the latest FF has tried to merge the story and the gameplay and discovered that if you do this you are limited by the setting, which could be one of the many reasons they chose to take out lots of gameplay features. But I don’t really know.

The point I'm trying to make is that Final Fantasy fans are insane, and you should stay away from them.

... Myself included.

(Man, you don't even know.... When someone says something bad about the FF I like I become F***ing irrational... I can not control it at all)

Can I Haz Posts?

Right, so been awhile since I posted...

Yeah I was being lazy.

But I actually do have a backlog of stuff I wanted to post, mostly stuff to do with gaming and etc. I also want to talk about the new fallout game when I get a chance, as its currently a hot topic.

And yes I will do the next Iron Man epi, and yes Tony is still a dick, lol.

Anyway, I'll throw some stuff up in a bit now.

Anime Storytelling

Ok, I feel like I must talk about this.

For once Japan I'll let you off a bit, put you aside for something I loath even more...

Anime Fans.


GRRRRRR.


I really must stop reading anime forums, they really frustrate me. Basically in these places certain shows are held quite high, but... I hate these shows. These shows can go burn in hell for all I care. I honestly can not understand the attraction of some of these things. But what gets me the most, what really grinds my gears is the massive amount of hypocrisy floating about.

I won't name name's but one Anime blogger complained that they didn't understand what was going on in the anime SRW. At first I was like "Ok yeah, fair. SRW is more of a nostalgia anime made for the fans and not for you, so you can complain that you don't know whats going on I guess..." but then the same blogger will love this other anime because it doesn't make any god damn sense.

...What?

Now before you think, oh grumpy old james probably just doesn't 'get it' but I assure you I do. I've watched this kind of stuff before... It's made on purpose to not make any sense at the start (And perhaps throughout the whole thing).

Then I saw people who didn't understand what was going on in Iron Man.... It's f***ing Iron man, this isn't detailed stuff!

The catch phrase of anime fans seem to be 'the Pace was off' as if they understood what the f*** pace was. I honestly can't tell what these people are thinking... or what their watching... To me everything was fine, expect in Star Driver (I.E the one that makes no sense) where the pace really is all over the f***ing place. Let me break it down for you, from memory this is what we learned from the first episode of these three animes:

Iron Man-

• There is a guy called Tony Stark
• He is Iron Man
• He has come to Japan to make free energy
• He wants to retire and makes a new Iron Man suit for some trainee pilots.
• Something goes wrong with the new suit, it goes crazy and starts killing people.
• Tony Takes it the f*** down.
• A weird robot attacks him and declares his evil group. Tony doesn't give a f*** and kills him.
• The new suit is stolen during the fight.

What did you miss there? These are some very basic plot points that are very easy to understand. None of it goes too fast not to hear or understand, all it does is create the setting and adds the bad guys... Boom bang you've got your plot. Anything else is just characterising Tony.

I'm not trying to call you stupid.... I'm just saying... You might be stupid if you somehow missed all that.

SRW

• There is a bad Robot killing people
• Bad Robot is beaten by good robot, foreshadowing future events perhaps? (yes)
• The setting is then explained very clearly.
• You meet the main characters fighting in a war that has been explained to you.
• New robots appear, friends or enemy's?

As much as I like SRW the basic plot is pretty straight forward, by the end of it only really has one good idea behind it all. But where the show excels is the cool looking robots, there using the old fashioned kind of 80's design (But I really like those), the characters, and the action... lots of action.

I honestly could not tell you what part of all this doesn't make sense... I mean... are you complaining that we don't know some of these characters? These characters we are meeting for the first f***ing time? Did you not catch the bit where the setting was clearly explained? I mean really? Help me out here? My brain isn't stupid so I'm having trouble comprehending your thought patterns.

Star Driver

• WTF?

Haha, ok that's actually not true... I'll go over why it makes no sense in a bit.

• There are... characters?
• The main character is insane and has some kind of father issue.
• There is a school on an... island?
• The school is secretly a base for giant... puppet... mechs?
• There are bad guys who don't like shrine maidens. By... hitting them they break their seals?
• The main character turns into David Bowie.
• The day is saved... for now!

Here, right here is when you could have said the pacing was waaaayyy off. This shit is on LSD. All the sudden scene changes are kind of jarring.... the worst one is when we go from the school, and with only a single line we are suddenly in an underground fetish cultist base. That was really sudden, and you could get lost there and then.

Star Driver is the kind of anime that only anime fans can watch... Anyone else would be "Wtf is this shit?" unless your already deranged. Now I did watch Utena and no, that did not make any coherent sense at all... I'm pretty sure when you watched it, you were having a fever dream... I'm positive that when you switch that show on all your seeing is flashing images that makes your brain wig the hell out.

So I am familiar with the antics of the guys behind Star Driver.

Now with Star Driver we'll no doubt be hitting on some serious metaphysical aspects, these are the writers bed and butter. At one point or another it'll click for viewers what this all probably means.... So this anime is symbolic of something....

Now... Hang on... I remember saying something about symbolism.... what was it... Oh yeah! I don't get it! I look at things like Utena and Star Driver and try to make sense of it, give it natural laws and so on... but it doesn't work for these things so they really don't make any god damn sense to me.

Also these guys are quite happy with exploring sexual themes... So... Yeah.... It could get real gay real fast. Just giving you the heads up, Haha.

Anyway, back to the point. I dislike Anime fans because for the 'hardcore' everything needs to be tripped out on fricken sex or LSD before they'll even look at it. When a story is set in a fantastic setting and makes actual sense they shrug their shoulders.

I mean really? Get off the drugs guys.

Blizzard: Should I admire you? Or pity you?

An interesting thought hit me today.

I was going over some gamer news, alot of it never really applies to me but I like to know whats going on for when I jump back 'in', when I came across a story about a new blizzard game.

Now what got me thinking was this comment from this clearly cherry eyed youth (In spirit only perhaps) hoping that they come up with something new and innovative. Oh how I wanted to take this person away from this cruel cruel world so no one could hurt them.

Ok, I want you to really think about Blizzard for a moment, especially if your a fan, really think about the sort of games they've made. There is one thing you should notice about all of them, it's not something to be ashamed of... but it is the truth.

Blizzard has never come up with an original idea for a game. No, where blizzards success lies is in taking good games, and refining them to a crisp perfection (For those genres, wither you dislike them or not is not an issue here). There's nothing wrong about that, it's arguably harder to improve something that already exists then to create something (I don't believe that for a second, but that's just me).

It's at this point you should realise the problem Blizzard faces today....

They can never make a new game.

It's gonna be Warcraft, Starcraft, Diablo, or nothing.

This isn't a failing on their part, but it is a trap they unknowingly put themselves into. You need to look no further then the new starcraft game or the up and coming new diablo game... fundamentally nothing has changed... because they cannot afford to risk such a move.

Sometime ago I reviewed the new Command and Conquer and told you I had the utmost respect for the guys behind it. The series was running dry anyway, and so they took a gamble... A gamble that was, to some people, a slap in the face of all their old time fans. But at least they tried to do something, even if it was their last gasp in some respects.

Blizzard can't make this gamble, at least not yet. They've basically hit this point where all their doing, all they can do, is refining their old games... but how long will that last? Will someone speak up, and tell them that this time of bliss cannot possibly last unless they take a risk? Or will they all stay silent, and waste away like so many high mountains that came before them? Or worse yet, perhaps they will turn to stone... and only speak when you funnel money into their mouths...

Did you see the parody's of other stuff in Starcraft 2? Is it just some gamers giving elbow nudges to the past? Or a shriek into the wild that says "I don't know what else to add!"? When does parody became a lack of ideas?


I have this image of all the blizzard guys, riding the ship of dreams and success, and reaching their promised land of fame and fortune. It is a grand time, and the party shows no sign of stopping. But one member looks out the door, into the endless sea and asks "Hey... where did the boat go?"

James Watchs Avatar

-Ok, so I got it for HD at least, but screw 3D. I don’t care if its great, I’m really not bothered to put up with that shit right now.

-Oh great, the menu is made out of leafs. This really is fern gully.

-Ok, taking the plunge.

-A very shiny 20 cen fox... thing... it’s very shiny.

-Wait wait wait, did he just say a hole blown through his life? I’m not sure that’s how wounds work. I think you do get crazy dreams however, so I’ll let that go.

-Omgosh! A water droplet! Yeah I really am this petty.

-We’re there sunshine? Why would you say that? Looking at that place there must be a 100 people, I seriously doubt he’s gonna talk to all of them. It’s that whole doctor sitcom thing all over again... Doctors don’t give a shit about you, you are a piece of meat. They do not pat you on
the back and tell you everything’s going to be fine.

-So his brother died because he got mugged. You could say a cruel twist of fate brought about by our still violent culture... But that’s bullshit, he got mugged because the writer hated him and loved his brother so much more. It’s Boromir all over again.

-Ship looks stupid. I’ve always hated that industrial style spaceship humans tend to get dumped with, it’s the most boring thing ever. If I was gonna sleep somewhere for 6 years I’d like it to be painted.

-Pandora. Hrmmm. I think this is a poorly thought out name. I see what your doing... drawing a comparison with the tale of Pandora’s box. But the one, two or three issues that the planet is going to bring up is kinda weak when compared with a box that literally held everything your terrified of. Just imagine a giant box full of terrorists... ok, now imagine they can all shoot venom out of their eyes. This is what Cameron is comparing his world to.

-Ok so the idea is that they need lug-head cause his gene’s are the same as his brother and stuff won’t work without the proper genes- Bwahaha.... What? Are you kidding me? You need a specific gene code to transfer your mind into a very very genetically different body? This is science fiction at its best, making up shit that’s ridiculous.

-Omgosh! There like oil refineries! It’s like... so relevant.

-Hahaha, you never lose the attitude? Dude, your in a wheel chair, not retired.

-Ok so... in the future America is still going to have its retarded health system? So our man can’t have his spine surgery? Surely this is the grimmest message of the movie?
Fighting for freedom? You have given us zero back-story, they could have been fighting for the puppy tyrants for all we know.

-Wtf? Being in a wheel chair is wrong? As in... what? It’s tragic? It shouldn’t be allowed? What the hell is anyone talking about! Your slang is stupid!

-HAHAHAHAHA, our introduction to the Navi’ is arrows in wheels? My first impression is there kinda pathetic protesters.

-Who ever f***ing thought it would be clever to put in the wizard of Oz line should die ironically... Like being eaten by umpa lumpas.

-I like how the bad guy is like “This is the worst place ever, hell is much better then here” and I think I agree with him.

-Wants to eat your eye’s for WHAT? Did he say Juju beans? Who talks like that? Where are you getting these words?

-“Your all going to die, and I will laugh when that happens”

-First rule of Pandora, do not talk about Pandora.

-Wait, they had avatar training? Surely Lug-head would need to do the same, I mean if he didn’t it- HAHAHAHA, like any of this makes sense.

-I’m sad the Indian guy did not have an Indian accent. A missed opportunity there.

-*Lug head looks at the avatar for a bit toooo long* “Hey... would it be weird if I had sex with my avatar?”

-The video logs are important, so that when everyone dies you can give vital background that no one really cares about.

-So they can speak Navi’ already? Why the hell do they need the avatars again?

-Oh golf, that means he’s evil.

-So you need the avatars so the Navi’ will warm up to you? So they don’t mind your wearing unborn abominations of their race? They’ll be totally cool with that?

-That rock has a stupid name.

-Brink of war? You mean brink of curb stomping right? Can anyone say aerial bombardment? From space?

-You could not pay me to get into the jellow pod.

-Wouldn’t displacing your brain and thoughts cause serious psychological damage?

-Haha, Lug-head walks like a drunk.

-They leave the doors unlocked? To the expensive Navi body chamber? WHAT.

-So like the pod is a wireless network? Hope your connections good. At leats there arint alot of trees to get in the-Oh Wait.

-Ok, that jaw movement is horrifying, like a Navi could totally fit your head in there.
Fist bump, because we cool.

-Wait, the gravity is lower on Pandora? That can cause serious bone problems

-I agree, the scar is bitching.

-It has like... the set things to make a political almost clever subplot, but I know they won’t use it.

-Alien Bird! His name shall be Jones Jamerson.

-Why are all the creatures a shade of blue?

-They really need avatar bodies to take field samples?

-I like how lug-head likes to touch everything, i hope it’s all poisoned.

-Really? A hammer head rhino? Bullet proof too? I smell bullshit.

-Wait, if everything’s bullet proof, why did they bring a gun?

-I dislike the slow motion... it kinda disturbs the animation.

-HAHAHAHAH, a gun didn’t work, so a spear will be much better!

-Wait... she doesn’t shoot him because the Jesus jellyfish floated by?

-“Yeah... Er... we lost an avatar” “Well that’s infinity money wasted, why did we let you go out there, when it had nothing to do with the avatars purpose anyway?”

-He has made a spear of goo.... WHAT

-There was like, a 99% chance that goo wouldn’t be flammable.

-Panther lizards! This film has something against furry creatures... probably because then everyone would know this is a ‘furry’ film. If you understand that.

-Only you can prevent forest fires.

-Seriously this film is all about the shades of blue.

-No touchy

-Why can she suddenly speak English?

-I like how she judges him, without actually telling him what he did wrong.

-Ok, so if she grows to love him... but calls him a baby alot... she a pedo?

-The whole ‘no hurting the wild life’ thing borders on the ridiculous. Especially when your surrounded by things that wish to eat you. If there were no predators I’d understand, but were in silly land at the moment.

-Again, blue horses. I seriously want to know what’s up with all the blue. Is there like a blue carrot that turns your pee blue?

-I am reminded of the song savages from Pocahontas

-Ok, so you respect all life, but it’s totally fine to keep skulls?

-Lug-head did not read his manual alot did he?

-And now another one knows English? WHAT.

-Clan jar-head, well at least there keeping his stupidly consistent.

-Oh so because he’s different then them that makes him insane? Seriously the writer needs to take the stick out of his ass.

-Ha, it’s like Navi’ high school, and he’s the only nerd.

-Three months... I hope there’s a montage.

-Ha, nerd boy is jealous of Lug-head, no super special awesome adventure for him.

-So basically Navi’ are giant parasites? What exactly do they offer the creatures they bond with? Good will?

-Hmm, ok they used a bit of the political plot, but it goes by smoothly so you wouldn’t notice it if you weren’t looking for it. Clever, but only in the way that the writer understands story structure. That’s something I guess.

-Oh floating islands... I’ve never seen that... expect in every anime ever.

-Ok they explained the political subplot bit, I was hoping they wouldn’t... you know... get people actually thinking about it... but never mind.

-Even some of the mushrooms are blue!

-The bird thing is... like... from alot of fantasy settings. I’m pretty sure there was a dinotopia episode about this exact same thing.

-If everyone thinks your a moron... there’s a chance your a moron.

-Happy times! Nothing could go wrong!

-Expect more f***ing blue!

-Ok, so it was wrong to kill the little killer things, but now its totally ok to kill harmless stuff? WHAT.

-There should be a drinking game, every time you see something new that’s blue, you take a drink.

-I’m pretty sure you auto win if you choke slam the bird.

-AND NOW WE ARE BEST FRIENDS FOREVER.

-HAHAHAHAHAHA, he is a terrible driver, I think i know how he lost his legs in the first place.
I have no idea where the chemistry is supposed to come from with these two. Do bumbling idiots turn her on? They’ve spent time with each other, but they seem to have a connection of friendship... unless something changes that the love scene will have been forced.

-F***ing lizard dragon! It’s red- F*** it’s still got blue bits on it.

-“All the Navi people know the story”.... ok? What story? Oh I’m sorry, I thought you were gonna discuss something interesting, GARRR!

-Beard!

-No Beard! It’s magic!

-Heh, I thought he was gonna hit him with that chair for a second.

-I am a man!

-I just noticed that the order of the Navi’s words is alot like Japnense, in that it’s the other way round from the subs... YES I CAN NOTICE THAT.

-SO MUCH BLUE!

-Prayer plants? That’s convenient.

-OK here we go, where is this love coming from? You’ve literally given us nothing other than the fact that they’ve spent time together. There’s literally like no other indicators. WHAT.

-“What the hell are you doing Jake?” Having furry sex, that’s what.

-HA! Take that trees!

-“Oh hey girl what’s- OH MY GOD!”

-Ha! Take that expensive equipment!

-Oh snap, they know Lug-head did it.

-Woo! War! Maybe everyone will die?

-Oh double snap! “You had sex with this thing?!”

-Demon! I’m with that guy... that or the Navi’ don’t know what narcolepsy is.

-Ouch, so Paganism isn’t real? Oh yeah, real open minded film this one.

-Usb hair! Hurrah!

-Wow, just wow.... Were not even trying for grey here are we?

-Yay! Simple time! Lets burn some shit!

-I like the really big military plane thing.

-I swear Lug-Head has forgotten half the time his legs don’t work with the way he enters the jellow pod.

-Aw, she’s sad now.

-The bad guy does have a certain style. He just need a better uniform.

-HAHAHAHAHA, ah arrows.... classic.

-The only way to deal with a Navi... is to burn it!

-Oh crazy knife!

-Oh no wait... sad crazy knife.

-“I didn’t sign up for this shit” Urrr, no I think you did, everyone’s been talking about doing this for awhile now.

-Ha! No more tree house for you, time to live in caves, like normal people.

-Also, it never seems to rain.

-Oh the horror!... Am I monster cause I seriously feel nothing for this scene?

-Oh fathers dead... everyone knew that would happen, fiction hates fathers.

-Now lug-head is sad, all it took is a massive tragedy.

-Well everything should be fine forever now, since the Navi’ have moved.

-Oh seriously? The food jail break trick? Surely there are measures to stop that by now?

-Why are none of these doors locked? This place has terrible security (This is a big issue cause you can see the massive locking devices on the door... that are never used).

-Ok the villain is a badass. Nice getting an off camera shot in.

-“Why would they help us?” “... because... we have a can do attitude?”

-Dragon power!

-“Oh so what? I’m suddenly your best friend now that I have the biggest dragon lizard? You people are seriously shallow”

-We shall use plant power! Because that makes sense!

-Woops, seems being eco-powered does not necessarily mean it is better, Ha!

-Rowdy time.

-I like how none of the Navi’ tribes have unique decorations, and are basically just copied from tribes we know of.

-Fight the terror!

-Shock and awe... were really just not trying here are we?

-Protect the... blue tree? AARRRHHHH!

-This film would be a nightmare if you were colour blind.

-Ok, is it just me... just hear me out... but am I the only person who wonders what a Navi’ would taste like?..... What?

-BIG BATTLE

-Really? We push the bombs out? WHAT.

-Ok, the arrows can suddenly go through the glass? WHAT.

-I thought they said they cant use the missiles?

-This fight is actually going surprisingly as expected, as in really badly

-See, Lug-head should have really contacted some kind of arms dealer, or otherwise tried to steal guns.

-And then the plot armour rhinos attacked.

-That’s alot of birds.

-See, Lug-head has a gun so he does really well

-Yet again, villain is kind of a badass.

-This is how you apply the knowledge of the Navi’ people Lug-head? How to fall through branches? Eh.

-Knife Fight!

-Still dislike the slow-mo.

-Where’d she get that bow? She did not bring it with her. Gonna need to re-watch that to check sometime

-He lives! Happy end... Expect for all those people who died.


Ok I didn’t hate it. But at times it was frustrating... and kinda bare bones. But as an action flick... yeah sure. Just... don’t look too deeply at the disturbing under and above tones. Also they never explained how they knew English... just.... WHAT.

To Duel

He likes birds!

.... He doesn't really like birds...

Nintendo

Man I'm getting pretty sick of their shit.

It's not that I dislike Ni- No wait... No I do dislike them, intensely. I don't mind the fact that many of their games are for kids (Since when did that become a bad thing?) I... accept that for some reason (I'm willing to blame ancient sea monsters at this point) people actually like the Wii (And can take that name seriously... I... I still haven't gotten over it, I laugh every time I hear it) but what I do mind is....

Why do you only make the same goddamn games?!

I played a Mario game, I played the very hard Donkey Kong and Mario game (At least... It was hard when I was a kid) and I've played two Zelda games.

I physically can not do it again.

If you tried to make me play any of these again, I would probably react as if someone had stuffed cobras into my mouth. I would be greatly displeased.

It's not the games are bad, I'm sure there very good (Since many people love them) its just... this... whole retconing the setting for every game... I cannot handle it. Or just not adding anything at all to the setting... It's my f***ing poison.

I mean I had a look over the now old Nds games, since it should be cheap by now. What did I find? A whole punch of the same goddamn crap! I can't do it!

It's werid cause you have cases of Okami or Little Big planet, which when you get down to it... are the same as Zelda and Mario. Yet with a different coat I fully accept it.

It's just.... Your everything I hate in storytelling Nintendo....

P.S. Why the hell is it called Zelda? One of the games I played didn't even have her in it? It's like Guin Saga all over again.

Anime: Saint Seiya

I have to apologies to Saint Seiya and any of it's fans. I was wrong, and I am very sorry.

Those of you familiar with anime may have heard of this one, but it was only recently that I actually watched any of it. The reason is simple, whenever you see anything about it you see pictures like this:I mean come on, that looks ridiculous.

So for a long time I convinced myself that Saint Seiya was like say.... power rangers or something, generally kind of tame and not interesting.

Holy shit, how wrong was I.

The anime starts like most others, with a booming voice telling us whats what, explaining that the world is guarded by powerful saints who fight for justice. How do you become a saint? Well that's easy, all you got to do is survive a brutal existence and kill pretty much everyone you come across.

Our main character is in a tournament to see who will become the Pegasus saint, and he wins by cutting his opponents ear off with his hand.... and then he breaks the atoms in his bones with his fists... I mean.... Holy shit.

Another one become a saint because he kills Bears. That's just what he did all day, he'd go out in the forest looking for wood, lift up bears and strangle them to death, and then get some lunch. That was just his normal day.

Then you get the dragon saint, who kicked a waterfall up. Not just a bit of the water mind you, the whole f***ing thing went into reverse because he kicked it so hard.

So once the the saints get together, what do they do? Train for upcoming evil? Hang out? Work on team work? Nope, they attempt to brutally murder each other in a no rules tournament. And damn this anime hates hearts, if your in this anime there is a high chance that someone is going to try and punch the f*** out of it. Every episode there is regularly blood everywhere.

Now look at this guy:
Now you'd think he would be the wimp of the team. Let me tell you.... Out of all of them, this is guy I wouldn't want to fight. He is made out of crazy. I shit you not, he is off the wall mad and has no problem with murdering your ass. He was fighting one guy and was like "I'll take pity on you" and then proceeds to freeze the guy almost completely, basically saying he could have just frozen him forever.... but since he's so full of mercy he can just die instead.

Now it's not completely insane, the pink member is a total wuss, but this anime is brutal. If you use a move that leaves your heart open for just a second, some f***er is gonna put his fist through your heart....

I love it

Crazy Crazy Crazy

I need more things to make fun of....

No, actually there's plenty of stuff to make fun of... what I need is the motivation to do it. God how lazy am I?

Steam

Now I wasn't too sure of steam at first, like most of the pc crowed I'm sort allergic to installing anything foreign onto my computer. But as steam went into its Christmas sale I became a follower solely because I am a cheap bastard.

But today I saw something weird. Steam was actually selling strategy guides...

HAHAHAHHAHAHA




HAHAHAHAHAHAHA



.... What?

Are you serious? This seems like something that will be solely marketed at stupid people. I mean I can understand why someone would buy a strategy guide from a shop.... I mean it's a physical book that tells you how to complete a game cause your too much of a puss- Ahaha.... No... No I've never understood why you would buy a strategy guide. Not that I'm saying I've never needed help with a game, or was just too lazy to work some things out.... But that's what the Internet is for.... free things.

I can only imagine what was going through the heads of the people behind these digital strategy guides.

"So..... Money right? We could use some?"
"Why don't we try the Internet? There's lots of money on there right?
"Dar durp durp"

This might have been a good idea say.... 20 years ago... But seriously? Wow, that takes some series ignorance to think that'll come away with any kind of profit.

Anime

Also today I went on a little quest to find the worst anime ever shown. Turns out it's not easy because you have to have a pretty strict requirements, for example if there aimed at children then you can't fault them too much for being silly.

I got to thinking about this after reading about a certain anime which is regarded by anime fans (Remember these people are capable of watching some of the most bizarre crap ever) as the worst thing ever. Of course I watched it to see if it’s true.

I think it’s a little unfair to say it’s the worst anime ever. Don’t get me wrong however, it is terrible. More than once I laughed out loud and just said to myself “what the f***?”. But the reason I’m not quick to declare it the worst anime ever is because it is simply a 1 episode OVA. For those of you who don’t know OVA’s are like little projects of anime, the longest ranging to like 6 episodes. So immediately you know this piece of trash has a low budget with no aspirations of achieving anything.

To give you an idea the OVA is called Mars of Destruction, it is only 20 mins long but it attempts to go through an introduction, two action scenes, basic character development all leading up to a big plot twist. The story is basically the bed rock for a couple of anime’s actually, just stripped of everything that could be good, and there’s a dark humour in there.... basically saying that alot of anime is not far away from being just this.

I think the worst anime ever basically has to cause you to die violently.


Anime (Again)

Me and my friends have now watched 160 episodes of Yugioh and while we have gained a profound tolerance to brain rot, I think cracks are beginning to show. I would not be surprised if one of us died at the end of this ordeal.


Games

Been trying to record myself playing through some games. So far my only successful attempt has been the first clock tower game, although I have yet to add all the videos to the Internet. One of the reasons I'm falling behind with that is because of lazyness, but there's actually two other legitimate problems.

One is the fact that I'm using fraps and that takes up a f*** ton of space on my little laptop, so I can only have so many videos at a time. The other reason is that there are simply too many games in this world. See I've found that when I'm spoilt for chose I tend to snap and not do anything, more then once I've bought a pile of games and only actually played one of them. If it's a new game I usually finish it, which is odd.... cause on the one hand I miss certain games from the past.... but on the other it's easy to notice how far we've come and just how... easy it is now to just sit back and have fun without alot of the hassle.

It's not that I don't like or can't play any old games.... it's just sometimes I'm really not bothered to deal with it's poor controls or terrible graphics. As much as I hate to admit it, I have trouble playing old games that have bad graphics... Its just... I can't go back to those days.

Anime (Yes Again)

I'm considering doing another let's watch series. Mostly because I do enjoy doing them and there not really that hard to set up. I mean anyone can do it (If you have a good sense of humor like me). Of course the only drawback of doing this is the fact I won't be able to cover any other airing series.... cause they all suck.

It's just a much better experience if I'm actually enjoying the series I'm gonna make fun of.

TV

Do you watch Dr.Who? Of course I watch it, don't be absurd. It's a great and fun series. But whenever I'm watching it there's this little nagging voice at the back of my head.

Where is the villain?

This isn't a new problem for Dr.Who, the whole show is basically one big monster of the week. But with this new series I keep thinking like there really should be some sort of big bad guy... Someone who slaps the Doctor around every once and awhile. Cause the trouble is this new Doctor seriously doesn't have anyone to contend with.

The daleks are as terrifying as always, but there pretty much the big monster of the series.... there not really suited for going toe to toe against the Doctor at his own game.

The master has always been a good candidate for this role, but I doubt we'll be seeing him again anytime soon. His story's still to fresh you see, need put it away and let it simmer.

The current problem with the Doctor is that he appears to be his own villain, which is a bit too overdramtic. The focus of the series lately seems to be about the Doctors roguish and frankly selfish nature catching up with him. And don't say he's not cause he totally is, its one of the reasons we like him. It's interesting cause the doctor seems to be totally addicted to facing dangerous problems, which he wasn't always... Back in the day when he was older he loved a good challenge but took a calm pace about it (sometimes), these days he's pinging off the walls for adventure (Which makes sense, cause he physically grows younger, so why not mentally as well?).

What a Doctor needs is a problem he can't solve.... because someone is stopping him.... I really feel like that's the only thing missing from the show at the moment.

Report: After 142 Episodes of Yugioh

142.

In alot of contexts 142 could be an impressive number. Perhaps you read 142 books? Maybe you wrote 142 reports? Found 142 new spices? Saved 142 lives?

Me and my friends have watched 142 episodes of Yugioh.

Ok, clearly I need to put this into context, so that you understand the gravity of this matter.

First, Yugioh is a children's cartoon from japan. It is about a card game. Now the important thing to note reader is since this is a children's show it has be exciting and shiny in order to draw in the attention of the wee kiddies. So as you can imagine many of the cards come to life, and magic is involved.

Now while I was in Malaysia I actually got a hold of the entire series of yugioh, which is over 200 episodes long. This is a double edged sword. On the one hand I everything there is super cheap and I bought the whole thing for like £10-20.... But there is another price a normal tourist would not be aware of. Anime from Malaysia usually comes in it's original language, so the entire series is in Japanese, but so far this is a good thing... cause it's not been edited (the English version of yugioh was edited very heavily, like the guns were taken out... and the insanity). Luckily it comes with subtitles... But reader... English is not a Malaysians first language... if they know it at all in some cases.... This is important to note for later.

Ok, so I need you to try and picture this scene in your mind. There are two people standing apart from each other just like a scene from the wild west, but instead of guns they have these big metal/plastic things on their arms. These things on their arm holds their deck, and one of the contenders draws a card and places it onto one of the five slots attached to the thing. Now a holographic image of a monster appears.

It is pretty scary, but don't worry... no one is in any real danger.

His opponent also draws and begins putting cards down, and the game begins proper. One of the player gets attacked by one of the monsters and falls down from the blow even though it's a hologram. The sound Tch is heard often.

Now the players are encircled by a dark cloud of vile power, and it soon becomes clear that the players very souls re on the line. The monsters are no longer holograms and are now very real. All seems lost, but then a light shines... a light called friendship... and good wins over evil.

You got it pictured right? Now imagine them explaining the rules of this game in a language you don't know. Alright, now imagine you have a translator with you. The bad guy says something at one of the women in the group of friends and you look to your translator. He smiles back at you and says "He's saying they have to burn her cause she's pregnant".

Ok, your worried now.... I can understand this, but stay where you are! You can get through this!

For awhile you just stand there, trying to make sense of the situation before you. To your horror and relief you release that the translator meant to say possessed... and merely confused the two words... because in a way... they are vaguely similar in meaning.

Now reader.... I want you to imagine this scene going on for 28 hours, and you will have barely scratched the surface of suffering I have put myself and my friends through. Malaysia does this funny thing when it subtitles something.... they get it wrong.... but in a hilarious and brain damaging way.

A couple of days ago me and my friends watched a film that was terrible. I can't really describe to you you how terrible this film was.... But let me try and sum it up... There was at least 1 hour of the same chase/murder scene repeating over and over, and at least 10 to 20 mins of song. I did that to my friends, just imagine what I do to people I don't like? Anyway, the point is... my friends who had not watched Yugioh were appalled and sicked, and swore (Again) eternal hatred for me... while my friend who had watched Yugioh with me found it rather amusing.

What I'm trying to get at here is that these subtitles have made me and my friends immune to psychological torture. Barny song 24 hours a day? Ha! I'll sing along. Waking me before I sleep? Ha! I can never sleep again.

Don't believe me? Here's a little preview.... and this isn't even the worst example, the subtitler actually changes every now and again and this was one of the better ones:

The best example so far is whenever the Blue eyes white dragon appears. Now you can see its blue... they even say its name in English, yet all the subtitlers are entirely convinced that it's Green eyes white dragon.... and 142 episodes of the contrary have not deterred them from this.

That's kinda easy to deal with, but when they start using words that don't even fit it begins to kill your mind. Its not just that the subtitles themselves are totally insane, it's also because the series is as well. It's well F***ed up and one of my friends favorite games now is to say "This is a kids show!" whenever something really disturbing happens.

I have in my possession 72 hours of this. Me and my friends have to psychically take this in dosages. So far we've raised our tolerance to about 3 hours, any more and our sanity begins to crack.

I bring this up because this not something you'll find on the Internet, no these days you actually have to be good at subtitling to get anywhere on the web. This my readers is a sealed treasure, cursed by ancient monks and condemned by the Pope... and only the truly devote may look upon it. I feel one day I will do a charity event... I shall gatherer volunteers and people will give us money to watch this non-stop for a number of hours... depending on the donations.

Your probably wondering, that doesn't sound to bad for me... after all I bought and watched it willingly.... Well the friends who have watched it also did so willingly... I have other friends who have walked out of the room because it was on. Imagine what it would be like to force someone to watch this against their will and better judgement.... in the name of charity....

Now that, I would most certainly pay to see.

2010 The year of...

Nothing.

A decade has just gone by. That shit is ridiculous. So begins my slippery slope into old age. I complain about kids all the time so I’m already half way there.

I wonder if anyone really sits down and wonders what the future will think of us? Like when they open up their gel pads and look up the year 2000 to 2010 what are they going to see? The answer is quite simple.

We are as boring as f***.

I don’t know how much history you’ve read about, but your likely to know about key events that changed the face of the world forever. Do you know what you don’t learn about? The filler years... The years when nothing f***ing happened. Guess what? Your living in one.

Is this really a bad thing? Well it depends how important you think you are, because a 100 years from now no one is going to remember you, or give two shits how you managed to climb that corporate ladder. It’s just something you have to accept, if not then I would plan and execute an incredibly brutal and effective coup. It’s funny really, in history nice guys do finish last, the more brutal the act the more likely the future will remember it.

Oh and what a start of a new year, a devastating and terrible earthquake in Haiti. Of course no one can be blamed for that, natural disaster and all that. My heart goes out to those caught in that tragedy and my thanks to all those going to help them, if that’s worth anything. But when I watch the news stories I can’t help but feel a cruel irony at play here. Who honestly thinks anyone in the future is going to learn about this? Or any of the terrible disasters that has happened over our lifetimes? Can we learn anything from these tragedies? Alot as it turns out, but are we going to? No.

Our generation sucks. I’m not even sure if our years are worth a footnote let alone a deep study.

Jesus Christ. Don’t believe me? Have a look at this, just a simple English timeline, I’ll take 10 years from the past and compare it to what was written about our decade.

1680-1689:

1685
Charles II dies. James II (a Roman Catholic) becomes king.
The Duke of Monmouth (Charles II's illegitimate son) leads an unsuccessful rebellion in Southwest England.
1686 'Hanging' Judge Jeffery’s sentences many of the rebels to death.
1687
Isaac Newton publishes his great work Principia Mathematica. He lays the foundations of modern physics.
1688
The 'Glorious, Bloodless Revolution'. James II flees abroad and William and Mary become the new monarchs.
1689 The Bill of Rights is passed

2000-2009

2004 The population of England reaches 50 million.
2005 Hunting foxes with dogs is banned
2007
Gordon Brown becomes prime minister.
Jacqui Smith becomes the first female Home Secretary


Wh... What can you even say to that? How f***ing boring are we? At this rate perhaps we should hope the poles of the earth shift in 2012. At least then the future will have a cool footnote to look at while they hide in their caves from the giant night owls.

Lets Play Zoids Legacy

Rpg? Customizing gaint Robots? What could go wrong?

Lets see, first we have to name our main character.

She strikes me as a Kate, she’s a bit butch but I’m sure she has her charms. (I refuse to believe that is a guy, this didn’t used to get to me, but these days... yeah it does)

The hell is that?

"Time-space be tripping balls, yo!"

Oh no! Poorly animated giant robots!

"Planet Zi beyond the Galaxy"- What? That... That doesn't make any f***ing sense!

Kate: Holy shit, for a second there I thought I became the main character to a really bad game.

Kate: Sup, can I get a drink here?

Kate: ... What? I didn't ask for your f***ing life story, I asked if you had any drinks?

Kate:........

Kate: F*** this town.

Kate: Ah! What the hell are those! What sort of planet has wild giant robot bugs roaming the countryside?

Kate: AH! And why am I in a giant robot!

Kate: Ah! Where did you come from! What's going on?!

The bugs die and the women leaves.

Kate: I don't like this place!

Kate: Guess I'll check out this town?

ROBOT: Hello! Would you like to sign up for the zoid battles!

Kate: I guess I could use the money...

ROBOT: Error! You need a partner!

Kate: What? Can't I just do some small one on one fights first...?

ROBOT: YOU NEED A PARTNER!

kate: AHH! Ok!

Kate: Ah! You again! What do you want?

Mystery: Oooh... You have a nice necklace, if only I hadn't lost my memories...

Kate: Are you shitting me? Amnesia? No, f*** this noise... I'm selling my robot for crack.