Hype: Anime Winter 2011

Haha, I see what I did wrong folks. I jumped ahead a bit too far, as were still in the winter season.

Well it should hopefully be- OH GOD! It looks aweful!



Rio-Rainbow Gate

I.... Urgg..... It's an anime based on- I shit you not- a slot machine.

I dont even.... What the hell am I even supposed to say about that?


Starry Sky

Really?

Basically it's about a girl joining an all boys school. Because that's never been done.

Like 20 times already.

I know I rag on sometimes about anime being the same.... but it's things like this that really dont help.


Wolverine

Well you already know about this one.

It's unlikely that it'll be the target of my next Lets Watch, as I'd rather not stick to one franchise. It's funny to beat up on marvel but I got other fish to fry.


IS: Infinite Stratos

Seems to be about powerful exo-suits, that could be interesting-

Wait for it.

Seems only women can pilot them? Ok.... A bit weird but whatever-

Wait for it.

Women dominate the earth.... Well if there the only ones that can use the suits then-

Wait for it.

Oh, there's one guy who can pilot one of these suits so I guess-

Wait for it.

Ok, so he gets drafted and put in an all girls school to learn about piloting the exosuits-

Bam! It's a harem anime! Man that is one of the most round about ways of making a harem anime. Although it's a pretty crowded genre (Why is this a crowded genre?!) so you have to do some pretty nutty things to stand out.

Oh and if you don't know what a harem anime is.... I ENVY YOU! God.... I would love to go back to those days... Those days when things made sense and weren't really awkward.


Beezlebub

This is interesting, not the show it self but what I thought of the manga.

It's a comedy one and for the most part it does that pretty well. But a funny thing happened, at one point it removed it's main premise (I imagine for character development?) but it became painfully clear that the whole story relied completely on this main premise. Without it it was terrible and generic.... and unfortunately the writer seems to be a big fan of pushing this terrible story angle to the front, even though it's been done before and way better.

I'd say a miss unless your a really dedicated anime viewer.


Freezing

Oh my good god, another harem anime.... These are.... these are cancer.


Cardfight!! Vanguard



An anime made by the guys who did Yugioh and Duel monsters?

Ok, someone made a deal with satan, and I thank you good sir.


*Censored*

Ok, I'm not even putting a picture of this one.... cause... If someone found my blog because of this anime? I'm not sure i could live with myself.

Basically it's about a sister wanting to have sex with her brother.... really badly.... i just.... Why do you throw these at me japan? I am not catching that.



Supernatural


I.... I dont even.... What?

Man, my sister is going to have a f***ing fit when she finds out about this.

Haiyoru! Nyaruani
Ok, it's about a demon girl just kind... hanging around I guess? That's not too unusual... wait.... there's a bit more of the title? Let me just wipe that a bit-










Haiyoru! Nyaruani: Remember My Mr. Lovecraft

She is an old one.



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Woops!

Hahaha.

So how many anime in that last post were fake?

If you said 1, then you are incorrect... All lies! Hahaha! That's what I bring for you this Christmas, lies and heartache.

Honestly I could probably get away with saying I trolled you rather then saying I got trolled. I could totally spin that rather then just a random jab O RLY? was in fact me trying to tell you that none of these anime were real.... But that's not the case (However I feel that would have been really clever).

Basically I wrote this seasons hype thing at 1 in the morning, so I was not exactly at the peak of my observational skills. But in the morning while I was having my shower it slowly dawned on me that something was weird about that anime list.

What you need to understand is that these fake lists pop up every season, wither it's people trying to troll or just trying to work themselves up to a dream. Frankly your bound to fall for one of them eventually, as their largely well made.

The depressing thing however is that I only thought half of the things on the list could have been any good. I dread to think what the actual list is gonna look like now....

Hahaha.... Ahh... Trolling.

Hype: Anime Spring 2011 (Fake)

Merry Christmas!

Have I got a gift for you! More anime! Isn't it everything you ever wanted?

No?

Well tough shit, anime's what you get.


Muvluv Alternative

No idea what this is. Apparently a sequel? The robots look cool, so.... No I'm too lazy....

The circle is not yet complete... It'll be a long time before I suddenly watch a shit loud of anime (As there does appear to be a few gems I missed.... mostly cause my current short attention span has no time for them).


Ghost in the Shell 3
Look if you actually know anything about anime you know what this is.

I only watched the movies myself, always meant to give the series a try.... but lazy... (It's my theme)


Tengen Toppa Gurran Lagann: The Spiral King


F*** YES!


Sailor Moon



Wow, really? A remake? Of Sailor Moon? You know, I never imagined that.... but it does make sense as it is a popular series...

I might watch one episode, just to see how they handle it... For those of you who don't know Sailor Moon was one of those gateway anime, like Dragonball Z it told kids that overseas things were more awesome and interesting. It also had a gay guy.... and as a kid when you find out, you laugh... because the way they covered it up is the funniest shit ever.

But you'll still look at it and be like "....Nah.... No way that's a dude"


O RLY?

It's about an owl called Daventi as he explores the world seeking his long last grandpa. What starts as a journey of discovery and adventure quickly turns into a race against time as Daventi learns of the power of the jewels of Cantro.

He is constantly surprised.

(Shut up, you would totally watch this)


The Left Hand of Darkness


I...wha-Huh? Oh this looks mental.

Yep, this is definitely the kind of anime you want to what whilst your tripping balls.

You heard it here first.

Final Fantasy VI



Wow, there actually making an anime of a FF game? Rather then something random (Do not say something about bad about FF:Ultimate, if you didn't like it it's because your dead inside).

I actually did play a fair amount of this one, so I've got a good idea how the story plays out. I'll probably give it a miss for that reason, but I think fans will be very happy with the choice (Because the 7 fans need to shut the hell up)


Code Geass: Lelouch of the High School Rebellion


Really? Out of the Code Geass series you thought everyone missed the high school part? Really? That's the part everyone couldn't live without? Not the fun and interesting plots? We missed the high school hijinks's?

Ok, give me your writers pen. Your not allowed it anymore. I revoke your right to write.

------


Actually a pretty good turn out considering the past.

Could use a few more giant robots mind....

Anime: Iron Man

Well it's finally out, so I thought I'd say a few things about it cause I think it's actually an interesting study.


Now the whole thing is clearly based on the new Iron Man films, but this only applies to the aesthetics. Anyone who's only watched the Iron Man films, or has never seen anime in general might be a bit put off the way Tony Stack has been played.

Of course the problem is the films showed is the best tony stark ever, Robert Downy Jr is bursting with personality and he doesn't just act like Tony Stark... He becomes him. Now the way Tony acts in the films is as a exaggerated American celebrity, he causes controversy where he ever he goes... but damn he is so cool you don't care.

Now in the anime Tony is very different from this... I don't know what Japanese people consider rude and so on, but I had a feeling that this how they'd expect an eccentric billionaire to act. Tony is a rather polite gentlemanly individual... but he's also really rude.

The single best line comes after this: *Context, Tony is in the car with a female reporter, uh oh!*

Reporter: I honestly don't know what to ask you...
Tony: Well how about this! I'll show you a secret of mine that not many people know....
Reporter: What? What secret?
Tony: Like... How I kiss...

Tony starts going for the kiss, but then pulls the handbrake and ditch's her, I half expected him to go "Aaaaiiieee!".

The reason I think this is interesting is because usually the flirtatious character is a secondary character, he's the one that complicates the relationship of the show. But Tony is that character, so for that reason alone I think it'll be quite fun to watch.

So yeah, there was a fight to, against a 'zodiac' warrior... and I'm all for that, villains naming themselves after stuff like that is always fun. I'd say a good series... Nothing too heavy, nothing too light... just something that's fun to watch.

God, how long has it been since I've watched an anime like this?

Hype: Anime Fall 2010

Ok, I will say one nice thing about this season.

I have seen much worse.


Iron Man
I've been lied to more than once by this thing, but it's finally coming out. It's actually being written by a competent writer (Can not remember who), so it should actually largely make sense and be good.

Lets hope it doesn't make too much sense lol.



Star Driver



Well.... Urmm.... The robots are weird looking?

Honestly if you read it's description it sounds like they were taking some crack when they came up with this. So it might be good.

However I'm getting a vibe from it. There was another giant robot anime I wanted to watch in the past, but it made no sense and I didn't like the main character... I'm sort of getting those vibes again. Hopefully it'll do something to keep me interested.


Togaihu No Chi

Gah, I hate it when people do this. Basically it's set after world war 3, and japan has spilt in two with one 'nation' being founded by a criminal organisation. Sounds interesting doesn't it? But then it goes on-

Our boy in white here gets convicted of a crime and in order to win his freedom he must play some sort of game and defeat it's king.

What is this? Why do this? For starters why give us an interesting setting your clearly not going to use much? It's that game plot you see, I have no idea why but Japan seems to think that criminals have nothing better to do then to set up ridiculous and convoluted games... Who has the time for this shit when your trying to run a drug empire?

Basically my fear is that it will all be about this game, exploring it's rules and blah blah blah, and never really getting into detail about the setting.

Also here's a dare, write the title in google images. I'm serious do it.

Ok everyone who did quickly go to the bottom of the post for a second, everyone else just carry on reading.


Super Robot Taisen The Inspector

Not sure if you'll remember me talking about the game of this, but that game was awesome so I'm defiantly giving this a look.

This is defiantly the giant robot anime of this year.

-----

Well what do you know, this has been pretty good-

F*** you Japan.


-----

Ok, so you looked it up right? What was your favorite image? The one where there looking longingly into each others eyes, or the one where there clearly giving each other tongue?

If you say one thing about Japan, say its pretty open to any sexuality (indoors).

Hype: Anime Summer 2010

Oh boy, it's that time of year again, where everyone decides to not watch anime because it's terrible.

Some of you might be wondering why I've stopped doing heroman and I'm following the terrible Tokko now, the reason is because heroman is very boring right now. Basically Joey's on the run from the government, because governments are always paranoid and hate the idea of fun super powers. I read in some forums of people actually enjoying this arc in the story.... I'm sorry, but they are incorrect.

When you have the government join into your super power storyline it is always the worst part, cause it takes away that fantasy... there's always this tremendous temptation to make your series a bit more real and 'gritty' when you start playing with the government story. This is a terrible idea, because your a show about fun.... people watch you so they don't have to think about hard decisions in the government. It happened with Heroes, and that's when it became shit.

Frankly I liked Kogorr's idea of government. He never told anyone what to do, he'd just crush your home for no reason at all.

-------

Highschool of the Dead

Potentially good, since I've read the manga. But when you get down to it, some bits are fairly ridiculous, and some bits.... Look, I found out the artist also does pron (You would not believe how hard it was to get a *safe* image) sooo..... yeah you can kinda see it in his non-porn work.


Seikimatsu Occult Gakuin

At some point in your life you have to ask yourself, am I a weirdo?

If you watch this anime, you have already answered that question.



Nurarihyon no Mago
Read the manga of this too actually. Id say this is the safe bet. It's pretty generic, nothing new, but it won't do you wrong.

It's about a demon boy who doesn't like demons! Wacky I know.



Asobi Ni Iku Yo
The story centers around Kio Kakazu , a high school freshman living in Okinawa. During a memorial service for one of his family ancestors. A mysterious girl with cat ears appears before him introducing herself as Eris and claiming that she is an alien. However She be more troubling than he first realizes.

I Hate you Japan. I Hate you so much. It's not even funny.




The Legend of the Legendary Heroes

Are.... what? Are you serious? That's a mis-translation right?

No... Nope... That's.... That's the actual title....

...... I Hate you Japan.



God, maybe China was right to ban all foreign influences.

Hype: Anime Spring 2010

Oh boy.... You know, I've largely stopped watching anime all together. I watched a few anime movies but they don't really count... and it's not because I'm sick of it, I never get tired of a good story... it's just it's all been terrible... so let see what the hell's in store for us....

Heroman
Well, that's kinda weird. If I saw the picture by it's self I'd call this just a spoof anime... But I'm not actually sure. Most likely it'll be full of cheese and unintentional hilarity.

So that's actually pretty old school.



Hakuouki Shinsengumi Kitan


Ok, so, he looks like a pimp. It's about some girl looking for her dad when she sees some guy turn into a demon thing... and I guess it might be her dad's fault or something? Could be interesting I guess.

Rainbow
Lets see.... This one is about... seven dudes that get locked up and tortured and then how they live their lives after there released...

Huh. That... That actually sounds interesting.

Iron Man

I guess this could be good.


Ichiban ushiro no daimaou

This is about as generic as you can get... I mean its about a strong male lead, with a demon, robot girl and all the other-

Wait... What was that last one?



IRON MAN?!

Holy shit this looks good! It's coming out now? F***.... I mean it looks beautiful, and we already know Japan knows how to do robots so the action should be great.... If it's got a good story that'll be a bonus.

Oh f*** I hope they include the Mandarin, that would be awesome.



-----------

W-what the hell the Japan? When did you... start releasing good things again? You didn't read my letter did you? You didn't actually do it did you? That's not possible...

Is it?

-----------

B Gata


"Yamada is a virgin high school student who dreams of having 100 casual sex partners. However, she ends up targeting and pursuing only one boy."

It's nice to know your still insane Japan...

I guess.....

The Trouble with Manga: Part 2

Ehg.

After yesterdays showings of what I’ve got to look forward to in anime I had to go into a massive binge of awesome anime clips.

Ah... Gaogaigar... Banish this darkness....

Hmm? Where was I? Oh yeah, things that are actually good in Manga.


Liar Game

“Nao Kanzaki, an honest college student, receives 100 million yen (about $1,000,000) and an invitation to participate in something called the "Liar Game Tournament". When Nao is easily tricked by her opponent, she turns to ex-convict and genius swindler Shinichi Akiyama for help out of desperation to get the money back.”
There is so much to like about this series.

Our main character Nao is a kind and foolishly honest person, which is why it’s a tragedy she’s gotten caught up in the cut-throat tournament of Liar Game. The idea behind the game is that you use the money loaned to you in a number of games in order to steal other contestant’s money. The problem of course is the people behind the liar game expect that money back, so when you lose your put into a massive debt you can never pay off... And it’s never said what happens to losers of the liar game (But a few rather unpleasant fates are hinted at). However if you win you can expect a big pay off.

It’s a wonderful piece because it explores how far normal people are willing to go in order to con one another. You see some seriously dickish moves by some people, but before you start hating on them too much you’re reminded that they are just normal people with normal fears... and you have to ask, forced between a rock and a hard place... can you really say you wouldn’t do the same?

The characters are very well done, really making you care for people like Nao and Akiyama.

Now if it was only just good characters it would perhaps be an average one... but what sets this manga apart are the actual ‘Liar Games’. Each one is very clever, with alot of thought behind them. The key to beating these of course is to never play by the rules, and to really think outside the box when approaching them. Whenever the trick to winning is finally revealed you’re like “Oh that’s so obvious- Jesus Christ! That was so complicated! How the hell was I ever gonna work that out?”

I have yet to work out the trick for some of the bigger games... and alot of the time I have to re-read some of it just to make sense of it. The answers are not obvious or easy, there really is alot of thought placed in these games.


Break Blade


It’s a manga about giant robots. A kingdom is under attack and they have a secret mech that only one person can pilot.

That’s all very cliché, it’s probably a pass right?

I mean... Let’s see... I guess the setting’s kinda interesting, the characters are approachable and relatable... The relationships between characters are fascinating I suppose... The mech combat makes sense... the political plots are deliciously nefarious...

Yeah you should probably skip-

Holy shit this is good! I can’t remember the last time I read something that ticked almost every single box for me.

“ Rygart Arrow is the only one in his world who lacks the inherent ability to power up quartz, the energy source that makes all of the machines run. Nevertheless, he's pretty well connected. The King and Queen of his country of Krisna happen to be old college friends. But so is Zess, the guy who is leading the army of a neighboring kingdom in an attack on Krisna.

How did it comes to this? There's little time to ponder the implications as an army in giant, mechanized battle suits attacks. Arrow just feels like he's in the way - until he comes across a powerful, ancient mech that no one has yet to be able to figure out how to run. But his natural affinity for the suit's operating mechanism may just turn Arrow into the most important player of all.”

I love how instead of being ‘special’ with his own gift, Arrow instead is cursed with being... normal. In a world where machines are almost essential for everyday living, Arrow has had to grow up without the connivance's everyone else has had. While it has made him compassionate it hasn’t made him into a ‘strong’ character that never gives up, he is well aware of his own weakness’s and knows when to call it quits.

I love their approach to the mech battles, especially when our main man takes the stage. He almost has no idea what to do. That is so refreshing, as usually the main character just knows how to pilot mechs despite never being in one before. At least in this you can understand if he has some basic knowledge about it, since he did study in a military collage. But more times than not his mech gets shot to pieces, but luckily the frame of the mech appears to be semi bullet proof so it hasn’t broken down completely yet.

Hands down this is the best thing I’m reading at the moment, and if you’re looking for a well rounded and interesting story you can’t do much better then Break Blade.

Hype: Anime Winter 2009

Oh thank god. After the absolutely poor fall season, perhaps this time there will actually be something for me to look forward to?

.....

Oh Christ.


Dance in the Vampire Bund



I thought I made it clear I don't like vampires? Why do you keep doing this to me?

While were at it... Japan... You have a problem... You need to face it if your ever going to get better. If it looks like a little girl, your a pedo. You cannot use the argument "But shes a monster/angel/thing that only looks like a little girl".

Your not fooling anyone.

But seriously don't watch this, it will totally get you thrown in jail)

Sora No Woto

Oh I can totally imagine the thought process behind this one.

"Hey guys, why don't we make an anime about underage people joining the army during a time of war? It could be a good look at the social implications of that, and the shattering of young naivety in the cold world of-"

"Dudes! Have you seen Kon! Everyone loves it! We must copy it! Our anime will be about five underage girls forming a band during war time! They'll rock their way to peace!"

Really? I mean... Really?



Katanagatari
This one actually looks kinda interesting, mainly because it's the only one on the entire list that is using a different art style. It's a short series about our Samurai looking for 12 legendary swords... to add to his collection? I don't know.

But wait! Before you get excited at the prospect of something good, each episode will come out once a month.

Once a month.

Once a fricken month.

Each episode better be like an hour long, otherwise... who the hell do you think you are? Thinking you can get away with that in this day and age.



Seikon no Quasar

Well he looks kinda cool I guess- Wait... What?

In St. Mikhailov Academy, Oribe Mafuyu meets a silver haired boy called Alexander. He is a Qwaser, a being who can manipulate iron and draws his power from breast milk.

from breast milk.

from breast milk.

I.... You.... Wha.... THE F***?



Harukanaru Toki ni Naka de 3 Look, I'm sorry I have to be the one to break this to you, but you will never out do fushigi yuugi or twelve kingdoms.

Just accept it, and write different stories, ok?


---------


Do I even need to mention anything at this point? Answer: Yes.

Anime, what the hell? What is wrong with you? Whatever happened to... you know.... making good things? I release that your genres of girls... and... 'fanservice' are well liked in Japan, and I did watch a few of these back in the day.

It was cute then Japan, something non-serious people could dip into once in awhile. Then it became kinda awkward when you started doing more, we all smiled and nodded thinking you were just going through a 'phase'. But then it didn't stop, and you just made more and more... until now... it's the only thing you do.

What the hell happened to my mainly men? You know, those guys who would sooner karate kick your face off then talk about their 'feelings'. Or your deep stories like Towards the Terra, did it suddenly become too expensive to use good ideas?

And I never thought I'd ask myself this, but where are the giant robot's Japan? You used to be cool.

What if I tweeted L4D 2?

-Finally downloaded the demo, GOD that took forever... Really need to get a better connection.

-*Watches the opening movie*

-I once read someone saying that whoever makes these movies for Valve need to make some full length films. I totally agree, that shit be sweet.

-Let see... Locked... Locked.... Only one mode with the demo, but then again it is a demo.

-*Joins a game*

-Alright, I’m a big black guy, zombies beware.

-The shotgun is your god, meaty chucks that used to be zombies.

-Haha, frying pan! It like being in a Tom and Jerry cartoon, only with actual brain smashing.

-Man, my aim is poor. I really need to stop shooting the other people here.

-What? Armoured zombie? Surely that’s cheating? God, its resident evil 5 all over again. At least they don’t have guns.

-MY FACE! MY FACE IS MELTING!

-Get off of me your damn dirty zombies!

-This game is giving me serious personal space issues, come within like a meter of me and I wig out, spraying bullets everywhere.

-Why does that zombie have a really large arm?

-OH MY GOD! MY SPINE!

-Man, thank god for physics breaking bandages, I bet they could even cure swine flu.

-I like the safe houses... So very safe and not filled with zombies.

-Ohp, one the other guys just got hanged... eh... should have probably helped him.

-Right, noise attracts zombies, so as long as I don’t shoot the cars their alarms won’t go off.

-WHY DID I SHOOT THE CAR? WHY DID I SHOOT THE CAR? AHHHH GET OFF ME!

-F***ing little monkey thing, one of these days ya little bastard!

-Oh sure, I ran away and locked the door, leaving my team to die horribly without me. On the bright side their chances of survival are pretty low, so there shouldn't be any awkwardness.

-Ok, I realise I deserved that, but I’m still mad you hit me with a guitar.

-Oh... a giant zombie called a tank, like that’s fair?

-F*** off zombies! This is my hiding place!

-Oh god... blood everywhere... Oh god... they’ve seen me....

-OH GOD MY ORGANS! STOP EATING ME!


-Phew, that was crazy fun, lets watch the new episode of kemono to cheer me up.

-Whaaaa! That was so sad! Erin! Be strong! Oh god.... my heart is a little puppet for this show.

Bad Hype: AVATAR

Let’s see reader...

I hope your all enjoying my Lets watch series, I'll be doing all 26 episodes of Guin Saga, but before I’m done I might add another one... But looking at my options I kinda shudder just thinking of watching them. I mean you probably can’t tell from my posts but Guin Saga is actually one of the smarter anime’s that have aired recently... Which is kinda depressing. So many plot holes and silly things...

I’ll tell you what riled me up recently, have you heard of the new film avatar?

Now normally I wouldn’t pay it any mind. I have a troubling relationship with films coming out in the cinema, in that I am too lazy/ don’t have the time/ don’t have the money to go see them. But I wanted to talk about this one because the director has basically said it’s going to blow us away. He’s saying this is going to be like the best thing ever. So I figured if he’s so confident I may as well look up what its actually about.

Suffice it to say I’m not impressed.

Now it could very well be a good film, it’s set in sci-fi and appears to have some good ideas behind it. Maybe it will be one of those great films? But there’s something I can’t let go. I think I read somewhere that this is supposed to be a new story, original even.... And then I read what it was about:

(Wtf? It wants me to contact the server just so I can copy some text? Oh it’s on f***er)

“In the epic action adventure fantasy AVATAR, James Cameron, the director of Titanic, takes us to a spectacular new world beyond our imagination. On the distant moon Pandora, a reluctant hero embarks on a journey of redemption, discovery and unexpected love – as he leads a heroic battle to save a civilization.

The story’s protagonist, Jake Sully, is an ex-Marine who was wounded and paralyzed from the waist down in combat on Earth. In order to participate in the Avatar program, which will give him a healthy body, Jake agrees to travel to Pandora, a lush rainforest environment filled with incredible life forms- some beautiful, many terrifying. Pandora is also the home to the Na’vi, a humanoid race that lives at what we consider to be a primate level, but they are actually much more evolved than humans. Ten feet tall and blue skinned, the Na’vi live harmoniously within their unspoiled world. But as humans encroach on Pandora in search of valuable minerals, the Na’vi’s very existence is threatened- and their warrior abilities unleashed.

Jake has unwittingly been recruited to become part of this encroachment. Since humans are unable to breath the air on Pandora, they have created genetically-bred human-Na’vi hybrids known as Avatars. The Avatars are living, breathing bodies in the real world, controlled by a human driver through a technology that links the driver’s mind to the Avatar body. On Pandora, through his Avatar body, Jake can be whole once again. Moreover, he falls in love with a young Na’vi women, Neytiri, whose beauty is matched by her ferocity in battle.

As Jake slides deeper into becoming one of her clan, he finds himself caught between the military-industrial forces of earth, and the Na’vi – forcing him to choose sides in an epic battle that will decide the fate of an entire world.

Conceived 14 years ago and over four years in the making, AVATAR breaks new ground in delivering a fully immersive, emotional story and reinvents the movie going experience.”

(That’s word for word mtherf***ers, try to stop me from copying your text will ya... I mean, there’s nothing stopping me from just reading it and writing it down lol)

There are a few things that... enrage me about this but let’s cover the biggest one, now there saying their breaking new ground with this? Really? Ok, look at this next synopsis:

Captain Nathan Algren is a man adrift. The battles he once fought now seem distant and futile. Once he risked his life for honor and country, but, in the years since the Civil War, the world has changed. Pragmatism has replaced courage, self-interest has taken the place of sacrifice and honor is nowhere to be found, especially out West where his role in the Indian Campaigns ended in disillusionment and sorrow.

Somewhere on the unforgiving plains near the banks of the Washita River, Algren lost his soul.

A universe away, another soldier sees his way of life about to disintegrate. He is Katsumoto, the last leader of an ancient line of warriors, the venerated Samurai, who dedicated their lives to serving emperor and country. Just as the modern way encroached upon the American West, cornering and condemning the Native American, it also engulfed traditional Japan. The telegraph lines and railroads that brought progress now threaten those values and codes by which the Samurai have lived and died for centuries.

But Katsumoto will not go without a fight.

The paths of these two warriors converge when the young Emperor of Japan, wooed by American interests who covet the growing Japanese market, hires Algren to train Japan’s first modern, conscript army. But as the Emperor’s advisors attempt to eradicate the Samurai in preparation for a more Westernized and trade-friendly government, Algren finds himself unexpectedly impressed and influenced by his encounters with the Samurai. Their powerful convictions remind him of the man he once was.

Thrust now into harsh and unfamiliar territory, with his life and perhaps more important, his soul, in the balance, the troubled American soldier finds himself at the center of a violent and epic struggle between two eras and two worlds, with only his sense of honor to guide him.

That is the plot of the Last Samurai, now if we take the Sci-Fi out of AVATAR... Huh, that looks awfully similar? Look all I’m saying is this is not an original plot, everyone trying to come up with a story will have stumbled over this plot before, I did like 8 years ago. Now I will admit original stories are pretty impossible, my favourite quote is “Originality is merely how well the author hides his sources” and AVATAR fails pretty epically at that.

Now let’s try and have some brief analysis at some points I noticed that I have a problem with.

(I almost made a Titanic joke here, very nearly, Heh)

Oh yes, beyond our imaginations. I dare you to say that to my face. I have no idea at the imaginary powers of others, but I get pretty riled up if someone thinks they can come up with something that will blow my mind (It does happen, but it’s pretty rare). This is something you tell little kids in bedtime stories because they haven’t lived long enough to grasp the true power of imagination, this is not something you throw at adults... it comes off as more insulting than anything else(You can probably ignore this one, when I get mad at something I’ll nitpick the hell out of it).

The Na’vi are more evolved than humans. Now this isn’t me being Xenophobic, but the wording strikes me as a misunderstanding at what evolved means. You can’t really be more evolved than something, this isn’t spore where you have DNA points, everything evolves at different rates and in different things and each is as complex as another (Regardless of mass). This stems from the human trait to assume it’s better than everything else, even going so far as to misuse the English language to translate it to one another. The only reason I can see they chose to say this is because they needed some sort of leveller between the Na’vi... Oh we have guns and shit but they can stand up to us cause their more “evolved”. See, I wouldn’t have gotten mad if they had just said something like ‘But the Na’vi are stronger than the humans thought” see, that could have many meanings I couldn’t guess at here... Paralyse your critics with English!

This next bit reminds me of Guin Saga actually, ‘Wait, so your plan is to invade a rainforest full of monsters we know nothing about, because we seem to have only just got here. Then you want us to wage a war with a people with an intimate knowledge of the surrounding geography. All so we can conquer a planet that kills you when you try to live on it’. I mean the whole “we need da resources” thing seems pretty weak... cause if it’s a military funded by an industry, why the hell wouldn’t they just bomb the Na’vi? Burn the forest to the ground? I’m pretty sure in the future industry will still not give a f*** about the rain forest.

Then we get to the bit about why this film is called AVATAR, the avatar thingies. What? Are you serious? Did gas masks suddenly become to expensive in the future? If you have space ships by now I’m pretty sure you have gotten past the whole running out of air problem. Did someone one day go “You know what guys... Let’s throw all this money into building these soldiers to fight these Monkey Ninjas... and then when there done they’ll be completely useless on any other planet” I mean, who hears that and considers it a good investment? I call bullshit if someone says were trying to stop human death. If that was the case how did he get injured in a war on earth? Did he fall on a pack of pencils? Oh and I’m only going to treat him like an idiot... I mean, when an army gives you a body and tells you what to do... You basically lose all right to object, I mean if he’s getting out of order they could just disconnect him right?

Now he might fall for the Na’vi girl because he’s a bit of a weirdo... But... My god... If this doesn’t have the greatest writing in the world I could never believe she would fall for him. Want to know why? Let’s say you’re walking down the street, doing a little shopping, when this guy appears in front of you and asks you out. The man in front of you is wearing the flesh of your dead brother. I hope someone notices what an abomination these avatar body things are, if I were a Na’vi I’d fly into a blood rage at the sight of these monsters. Not only are they trying to kill us and strip our world bear of its beauty, but there also stealing who we are! That’s right up there with putting their very souls on the line. It is gonna have to the greatest romance plot ever if they want to pull this off believably.

I do want to see it, just to see how it plays out. If it only becomes a mindless action film were all used to I think I’d be happy... Cause if they actually try to pull all this off I can only imagine failure at different levels.

Let this be a lesson for you... Do you not tell me you have the greatest thing ever, because I will only tell you why it’s stupid and why you’re so ugly (Psst, it’s because you’re not me).

Review: Braid

Hello reader, let’s talk about a game.

Let’s talk about Braid.

Now, as far as I’m concerned I put this up with portal, because everyone loves both very deeply and I don’t know why. I remember hearing some stuff about this beautiful and possibly revolutionary game, so you have to forgive when I put the bar high. I’m not moving the bar, you are.

Now Braids a fun little game, its about.... Well... We’ll get to that in a moment. The game is a good old plat former where you jump on enemies to beat them, however the focus of braid is on time shifting puzzles. Its the sort of game where you have to actually think “OK, I’ll kill that guy now... but I might need him later.... Huh”. At any point in the game you can rewind, and there’s lots of little mechanics that make that useful, but also necessary.

Alot of puzzles are cleverly done, as for some of them you really do need to alter the way you’re thinking about the problem. By the time you’ve gotten through a few of the harder puzzles you’ll start to learn to take notice of everything around you. Although sometimes I feel it’s only a puzzle cause its using a game mechanic it hasn’t taught you how to use... and while I suppose it’s fair play its still kinda annoying, as any other game would try and teach you everything you can do right off the bat.

It’s a pretty short game, and yes... I disliked that. I suppose it’s something to do with the genre, too many puzzles and you’d be running out of ideas and just giving people the same problems over and over again... but like I’ve said before I like my games epically long... even if they’re so long I give up on the level before the end boss (and yes, Hohoho, I’ve done that more than once...). Not sure I’d pay £10 for it mind... I got it for like £3.30 on the weekend deal (Paid by a wonderful donator, she will get a nice plaque when the robots rise up and burn humanity). If you’re a serious fan of puzzle solving and want a very pretty game, you can’t really go wrong with braid. But for those other gamers out there... I dunno really... I’d never shell out £10 for anything like this... maybe you would?

Let’s put it like this, £10 for this:

Or £6 for this:

Oh yeah, you know what horse I’m betting on.

Anyway, let’s get to our favourite section, the story.

Huh.... I.... Does Braid even have a story? I don’t know? Maybe? Could just be a poem? In a clever disguise. Let’s get this out of way, I am very bad with surreal plots. I watch these ‘edgy’ films harbouring deeper meanings and see people gleefully go off about the emotions of rainbows, but it’s all Greek to me man. It goes like this:

Normal Person: A surreal moment happens that makes the audience think on a deeper subject, thus enriching their lives.
Me: A moment happens.

It’s like my brain can’t actually compute it, it has to make sense. If you see a butterfly falling down onto a flower, maybe you’ll think about birth or the beauty of life, I will think about the butterfly falling onto the flower and then wondering why were wasting time on an event that has nothing to do with the story. Now when something really crazy happens, the sort that’s so flipped out it can’t make any sense, I instantly try to make sense of it.

Braid is basically one long surreal moment. I won’t bother telling you any of it, just so that I don’t spoil anything for those of you who like to look deeply into things. As for me I basically came to the conclusion that it was about a drunken Irishmen who beats his wife and dreams of settling down with his perfect women instead.

Now here’s the mind blower, does that make me racist? Or the game racist?

(If the answer is me, I’m like... ¼ Irish, so I can get away with it)

Hype: Anime Fall 2009

Hurray! Something to actually discuss and inform you about! The season of anime has been announced giving us new gems to look forward to. But James, didn’t you cover the last season not too long ago? Your right reader but this is the thing about the world of anime, it moves very fast and if you actually want to see the good ones then you’ve got to keep with it pretty constantly.

Well hopefully this new season will be better than the last one right? Japan would never just spill out the same old crap again would they?

.....

Lets... Let’s just look at a few samples shall we?

Armed Librarians, Book of Bantorra




Honestly Japan are you just throwing ideas into a hat in a vain attempt to make something ‘original’? I mean this thing doesn’t have anything to do with literature, books are condensed soul’s or something stupid. A story about a normal man trying to save his library from crazy book burners would have been far more interesting... and it’s simple Japan! It doesn’t need magic powers at all!

Crazy I know!

Darker Than Black (season 2)

Now actually I really like Darker than Black, it’s got a pretty crazy surreal edge to it but I think it works rather well. Without saying too much the story is basically about these people with special powers called contractors, their called this because after using their powers they are overcome with the compulsion to do some small menial task... and that actually gives the powers and the characters a nice depth and makes them more interesting than they would be normally. My favourite so far is the man who could control gravity (Very powerful guy) but he had to break his fingers after using his powers... pretty cool.

If you’re looking into getting into anime and want to start on a little weird one then I highly recommend looking up the first season of Darker Than Black.

Romance of the Three Kingdoms

If you do not know the story of the three kingdoms then where the hell have you been exactly? Go away! Look it up! Then you can come back.

Do you do it? If you didn’t I’ll get Ma Chao to kill you...

Anyway, this seems like a long one that could be good... but... I’ve basically ruined it for you by making you look it up. This sort of thing falls into the batman category:
“That’s nice, but I already know how it ends”

Everyone dies!

The Scared Blacksmith

.... Reader... There is something we need to talk about. Take a look at that picture. Take a good look. What is wrong with it?

Those of you who said crazy hair colours, good try, A for effort. Those of you who said crazy outfits, your very close. Finally those who said “Retarded armour” You are correct.

If anyone dares ask what is wrong with the armour I will kill you. I will quite literally find out where you live and murder you. Everything is wrong with it! World! Look! The medieval was sexist! Stop trying to ignore that, it happened. There are two reasons armour was not made like that.

Number One! Women did not fight... ever! We all know why, and I don’t care if you call me sexist... The world is unfair, get over it.

Number Two! Because it would be f***ing retarded! Do you even know how armour works? Yes it’s a barrier to protect your weak flesh but there’s a very curial bit you’re forgetting. Deflection! Do you know why the breast plate is rounded? So that force of the flow can be deflected away from you! One blow to her middle and she’s dead. That’s not a joke or exaggeration , that armour is actually going to help her die. Well look at that your ribcage was shattered into your organs but at least you look good, right? RIGHT?!

I know it’s just a stupid anime but this has been going on for ages and it’s stupid! In order for fantasy worlds to grip the audience they need to be covered in a layer of reality to make it believable. When you do something stupid like this it breaks the immersion completely! GRRAA JAMES SMASH!

Fairy Tale

I actually read the manga of this and I’d say it falls nicely next to One Piece in just being simple straight forward fun. It’s all about the mage guild fairy tale and their wacky and heart warming adventures. The magic system makes little to no sense to me but I forgive it cause the fights are cool and the powers are neat. I’d say this one’s a solid bet.

One thing, the hair colours are gonna take some getting used to, since the manga is in black and white the hair colours seem normal... but in actual fact their way out there and crazy.

Kampfer

Stay the hell away from this reader! I cannot express to you how dangerous getting into one of these kinds of anime is. If you let this kind of genre into you that’s it... you have become a true anime fan, here’s your cat ears and panty shot album.

Now I have watched anime like this before... It was like some... twisted nightmare where everything was weird... and a voice in your ear tells you it’s alright. Do not listen reader, that is the voice of the broken and you don’t want anything to do with them. To give you an idea why this is bad for you, here is the synopsis, unedited just for you:
“Natsuru Seno, an ordinary high school boy, suddenly wakes up one morning to find he is a girl, as explained by a disembowelled plush tiger. Natsuru discovers that has he, or she, has been chosen to participate in Kampfer battles with other girls.”

.......

Shin Koihime Musou

Her family dies, she is sad, vows revenge against all bandits and villains, gains friends. Yes... Because that sounds f***ing riveting. What she gonna do? Bat her eyelids menacingly at them?

I can’t help but feel the same question will pop up in this again and again

“Haha! I am evil”
“Ur... Why?”
“Because... I am evil! Haha! Hate and despise me!”

That answer only works if your Mumm-Ra.

Hell maybe I should watch it just so I can rip the piss. I'm going to use my powers to spread hate and vengence instead of using them to fix the socail problems that lead to villinay! Teehee! Also I love stuffing melons into my shirt! Yay for melons!


Jungle Emepror Leo


The hell?


Stitch 2




The f***?


Battle Spirits





God damn it! Why is there always a card game one! WHY!



Heres the full list http://img139.imageshack.us/img139/1548/fall2009anime.jpg